I (27F) currently work for a company for almost a year. Honestly I love it and it’s one of my favorite jobs I ever had and my boss and I get along really well. There is a co worker (45M) that likes me and told me about it. I told him I was seeing someone and I like him as a friend. We went out a couple of times (as friends). He always buys me food sometimes. But I just thought it was friendly and I would get him food here and there too. He never tried kissing me when we are alone or touching me..
Anyways fast forward to recently I noticed some odd behaviors from him.. one day he offered me food and I wasn’t hungry at all and I said “no I don’t want any thank you” and he’s like “ you don’t even know what is it” “I said I know I’m just not hungry” and he’s like “so you are denying my food?” And he walks away angry .. I was just surprised .. another time he comes in my office and just sits down and was serious and just stares at me (which I hate because I have insecurities) I said can you please stop and he again walks away angry… everytime when he ask me to go out and I can’t he gets upset .. last time on Friday I like to dress up and he sends me a text saying I looked beautiful and it sucks I don’t have feelings for him and he’s going to let me be and he will never be good for me .. I just ignored it and later at night he sends me a text saying I’m a liar and that he will not talk to me anymore and I can be happy with all the other men at work and he said forgive him for loving me .. I was really insulted because I don’t know why he would even say that .. I just feel super uncomfortable now .. and I really like my job but I can’t be surrounded by him and I don’t want to tell my boss because he’s been in the company since they first open and he’s known to be the best and he is one the higher ups so I don’t know what to do .. i feel like the situation may get worse ..
3 comments
He likely feels as though you initially led him on when you told him you were spoken for yet hung out with him anyway. Even though you know better now, it doesn’t matter in his mind. I don’t see how this is going to get any better for you unless he fixates on someone else at the workplace… no need to wait for that. You do have options:
1) Compile a list of details of his behaviors; dates, times, convos, etc. Present this to HR. Remember, HR looks like it’s supposed to help employees with this kind of shit, but it’s really about taking the best route to protect the company from internal issues that can result in lawsuit exposure, liabilities, etc. Sexual harassment is a pretty serious thing. It’s possible he’s done this to someone else and you could be the final straw, but you could indeed also lose your job over it. Definitely consult an employment attorney over it, especially one who works on contingency because you don’t pay a dime, and they won’t take the case unless it’s pretty airtight.
2) Weather the storm and look for another job anyway. I don’t recommend this because you should put up a fight against this guy’s harmful bullshit for violating your rights, in which case, see above.
Go to HR. I’m sure you have proof of what’s going on, and if you don’t, get some. Report him. I doubt you’re the first one he’s harassed this way.
Edited to add, I went through something similar and I ended up having to quit because they wouldn’t fire him. Every younger girl that started there, he would harass. I was stupid and didn’t handle it as well as I could have. (For example I was still giving him rides to work because I felt bad and knew that no one else could take him and he was a bit slow and couldn’t drive himself). Just prepare for something similar just in case.
Block his number. He’s a work colleague not a friend. I’ve never understood this desire people have nowadays to give their number to every person they meet. That will stop the texts.
If he comes and sits next to you, get up and walk away without saying a word. Go to the ladies or the water station or something.
Start keeping a log of every time he does this shit and your responses. If he doesn’t get the hint by this time next week tell him clearly that you are giving him a once only warning that you will go to HR if he approaches you/speaks to you about anything other than work ever again.
Youve already told him you’re not interested so he has no excuse.
And don’t go for food one on one with someone you work with who shows interest. In fact, keep all your work colleagues at arms length.
They are just that: work colleagues. They’re not your friends because at some stage you’ll be up in competition with them and you don’t want to have to deal with “betrayed” friends whining about how you got a promotion they wanted and how you shouldn’t have accepted it because “you’re their friend”.