My best friend likes me and I like her but she decided she doesn’t want a relationship because she is afraid to lose me as a friend

46 comments

1. Are you her friend because you want to date her or because you are her friend?

   I which case, continue being her friend and find someone else. You’ll be glad you have her as a friend later.

2. Continue to be friends and look for another girlfriend

3. Yes, I’ve been the girl in this situation and I said the same thing as your best friend – I didn’t want to lose my friend.

   Close friendships (especially best friendships) are incredibly precious. It’s understandable that your best friend doesn’t want to risk the friendship. Given that she’s already said no, you don’t have much choice – your job now is to back off of her and fill your life, mind and schedule with healthy activities so you can refocus on building up the other areas of your life. Casual dating is an option as well.

   To be clear, I mean casual dating in the sense of going out with other girls purely to enjoy their company where NO relationship is on the table so you’re not “cheating” or “comparing” your date to your best friend. You’re just getting to know some new girls. The important thing is to be honest and communicate this upfront to the girls you’re getting to know. Casual dating can be a great way to learn what it is you’re truly looking for in a partner. It’s also a great way to affirm yourself and confirm that you DO have options so you don’t need to get fixated on your best friend. If it helps, you don’t even have to call it dating. You can call it making new friends who happen to be female.

4. Don’t listens to people that say just be her friend. That won’t work. Tell her how you feel. If she says no, move on. Get another friend.

5. It almost always ends the friendship anyway even if you don’t date her now.

6. I had the same situation as you dude, move on and remove her contacts (don’t block her). Focus on yourself, pick up new hobbies, heal and you’ll eventually forget about her.

7. My best friend told me she’d feelings for me when I was 22 and I said no because I didn’t want to risk the friendship. She talked me into it, we didn’t last any time and haven’t seen each other in ten years now. It wasn’t worth it.

   It you’re going to start getting jealous of each other things might be messed up already. I wish you both luck

8. I don’t know the age of the parties involved but here is my take:

   Here are some facts:
   a) She doesn’t want a relationship.
   b) She is afraid to lose you as a friend.

   I suspect, however, the way these statements are linked to each others was not conveyed to you in a truthful manner. That is to say, she probably doesn’t like you that way.

   Some others facts:
   c) Things aren’t the way they were before, your feelings matter.
   d) You should put your mental health first. Needlessly harming your mental is the best way to reduce your quality of life not only now but also in the long-term future.

   Given all this, here is what I would do in your shoes. Of you would feel happy to be introduced to a new guy she just started dating and/ or to advise her on her dating and relationship issues, then go ahead and keep the friendship as is.

   If these would hurt you in anyway whatsoever. This friendship is (at least temporarily) dead. I would go no contact in so far as the overlap on your social circles allows. The friendship could be “resurrected” later if you both still wants that once you got over her. Note that you should not commit to any duration for the time that would take as only time will tell.

   Good Luck!

9. I know the feeling man. I’m pretty sure my best friend has feelings for me and while I want to, I’m also hesitant as there’s things I need to work on plus some of the baggage she carries as well as the red flags

10. You got to leave man, it’s going to eat you alive inside

11. You got to leave man, it’s going to eat you alive inside

12. Be straight up honest. Tell her you have enough friends and you want something more with her. If it doesn’t work out, be adults and move on or stay in touch it’s up to you

13. Been there, friendship ended the moment you catch feelings.

14. That is usually a friendship killer

15. Our she is avoiding person (her feelings), our she don’t like you enough for relationship (serious). Don’t waist your mind with possiblys. Good luck

16. This is not gonna work, is do or die time, either you date or the friendship gets ruined, pick your poison

17. Gonna have to stop talking to her. Longer than 2 weeks. Those feelings won’t disappear that quick. I have a somewhat similar situation with my coworker and the only thing that’s made it better was just not talking or being around each other. Gives you less material to think about and spreads your emotional investment to other people/things.

18. She’s lying.

    Most people if interested romantically (seriously) will risk losing the friendship.

    If anything you having a friendship already shows you get along well. Part of being in a relationship is having a friendship with intimacy, sexual and emotional

    Her saying she doesn’t want to lose her friendship with you is her way of letting you down softly.

19. This. Me and my best friend absolutely love each other. To the point that people think we are a couple when they see us. She’s now in a relationship and I’m genuinely happy for her.

    She has openly admitted that I’m the perfect guy and she dates guys that are like me in almost every way. She just wouldn’t date me because we are too close. It would be weird.

    I disagree, I mean at first it might be weird because of taking that step forward. I’ll never understand the losing a friend if it doesn’t work out. Only takes one relationship to go the distance.

    I would never end the friendship with her over it because our relationship is mature enough that we can both be with other people and genuinely be happy for each other.

20. The only thing worse than not knowing is knowing the answer is in your favor and still doing nothing about it.

21. Just had a girl last week at work whom I asked out and was seeing someone else say they have feelings for me and doesnt see us being able to just be friends because it might fuck up things with her current situation.

    Whether she was being truthful fully or not the same answer remains. We can’t be friends. I just dtopped talking to her.

    It gets easier man just move on to someone who really wants you.

22. I’ll never understand this concept. Especially when everyone will tell you to meet someone and be friends with them first. All of a sudden you are friends and they reject you because they are too afraid to lose the friendship. I had this once and agree with lost comments it isn’t even worth sticking around. I did and all I got was to hear all about her shitty dating experiences after she led me on and I was willing to actually be a boyfriend and not just sleep with her. I ended up just kind of telling her that it wasn’t my problem and I didn’t want to be the one she was venting to and eventually we just kind of lost touch. So much for the friendship 😂

23. Yes. I warn friends who talk about relationships with me that their friendship has lasted many times longer than _all_ of my relationships added together

24. I’ve had a couple guy friends in my past who wanted to date me but I kept it at a friend level. I either didn’t want to ruin our friendship and/or I wasn’t attracted to them in that way. And it’s totally valid, I didn’t want to lease them on since I didn’t have those feelings. A fee stopped being friends which showed me that they weren’t true friends if they didn’t to keep acting like one. They just had a crush but the rejection was too much so they couldn’t still be friends which to me is jerky. Just because you know someone well doesn’t mean you have to date them.

25. Ive been in this situation as the one that wanted to stay friends a few times, one instance I told the guy I just wanted to be friends and he wouldn’t respect my boundaries and would constantly pressure me even after I had explained what I wanted many times and it completely ruined our friendship. Another instance would be with my now boyfriend where I wanted to remain friends because i was scared to lose him as a friend and he respected that and eventually it blossomed into the best relationship ive ever been in. my best advice is not to force it. Do your thing and if its meant to turn into something more it will happen on its own

26. I have been in that situation before and we ended up being unable to stay friends at all because it became frustrating for both of us by not going with the flow of nature. We each started to resent each other because we wanted what we couldn’t have even though we could’ve had what we wanted whenever we wanted. But now it’s too late and we dislike each other so much we are no longer on talking terms.

27. Bruh this girl said the same thing we was like really close. But she ended up with someone else and we ended going our separate ways anyways. So just do it bc not getting together doesn’t guarantee y’all friendship will last.

28. This is friendzoning sir

29. She can lose you even without relationship, doesn’t she know?

30. Probably afraid of how the interaction will go. But try it.

31. She’ll lose you the minute she starts dating someone else because that person will be more important and think you’re a threat to their relationship. She will swear to you at the beginning of the relationship that you’re her best friend and nothing will ever change that but after a couple of months you’ll hear from her less and less.

    Might as well as start moving on at this point.

32. Two people like each other but are scared of ruining their friendship? The logic doesn’t make sense lol when looking for LTRs don’t you want a partner that is also a friend to you? If she is too scared to even date you for a bit she is either lying to let you down easier or so anxious she is ruining her own chances of finding a happy relationship.

33. Just dont wait for her to become something more than friends. I personally dont stay “friends” with females because my intentions are not just friendship. Talk to other women and please dont wait for her for when she’s ready.

34. It’s good that she made up her mind but it’s a win-win situation for her, she will come to you whenever she feels heart-broken over a guy. So ur like her friend but also somebody really cares about her feelings. Eventually she would feel empty when ur not around when u need her then she will realize how important you are in her life

35. There’s no guarantee that she’ll still be a close friend 5 years from now. Risk it to get the biscuit because there will be no biscuit.

36. This statement can generally mean two things:

    Either she is truthful about what she’s saying, but as other comments already pointed out, this situation will most likely end the friendship anyway…

    The other option is that she only likes you as a friend and doesn’t want a relationship but she doesn’t want to hurt your feelings.

    I‘d say it’s more likely to be the second one and therefore a cop out from her side.

    The best thing you can do is having a long talk about the topic, because situations like this are usually pretty complex so strangers on the internet can’t really judge it correctly.

37. This statement can generally mean two things:

    Either she is truthful about what she’s saying, but as other comments already pointed out, this situation will most likely end the friendship anyway…

    The other option is that she only likes you as a friend and doesn’t want a relationship but she doesn’t want to hurt your feelings.

    I‘d say it’s more likely to be the second one and therefore a cop out from her side.

    The best thing you can do is having a long talk about the topic, because situations like this are usually pretty complex so strangers on the internet can’t really judge it correctly.

38. I feel like my wife is my best friend. But she has to see it that way also. If she is not willing to go along, then you gotta move on.

39. I feel like my wife is my best friend. But she has to see it that way also. If she is not willing to go along, then you gotta move on.

40. How does she react when you are with someone else

41. she already lost you when she said that. sey her goodbye and adios

42. Smash it then move on

43. So I always have the “can men and women be friends” debate with people.

    Here’s how I see it: I honestly look for the same things in my friends that I do in my romantic partners other than a romantic connection. A connection a bond, common interests, like minded thinking, intellectual connection etc. So for me the only thing keeping me from pursuing friends is respect of the friendship which is high. For me when it comes to my woman friends I know they aren’t interested in me, they have likely made that clear at some point in some way shape form or fashion, I’m good with that and I don’t need to pursue then romantically, that’s thw friendship agreement. However that works both ways, I respect them and they don’t play games with me, they don’t tease me they don’t ask “what if” they don’t put me in sexually charged situations where I might think they are interested…we both respect the relationship.

    But once she crosses the line and let’s me know she might return my affections then it’s difficult to go back. We either are friends or we’re not friends but we can’t be both and we can’t jump back and forth.

    Personally if I felt strongly enough, I would let her know I’m going no contact to get myself right for as long as I need to and I’ll come back to the friendship when and if I feel I’ve got her out of my system but I have to do what’s best for me just like she feels she has to do what’s best for her.

    Good luck to you

44. You learn in time that ANY excuse is a rejection and you welcome it with open arms. You’re happy to know they’re not THAT interested so you can make space for someone that’s SUPER interested in you and that’s what you want anyways. Half assed/forced love is not satisfying.

45. give her a chance, fuck her hard, she is will love it

46. None of my exes were lost as friends.

    If you seriously think relationships ruin friendships, either one or both of you are immature/toxic.