Ok so I (28f) am dating this really wonderful and sweet guy (27m) and I’m his first ever girlfriend and sexual partner. He’s been learning about his sexuality and what he likes, and I love being along for the ride.
So a little bit about my past, I’ve always said “no” when guys asked for anal in the past. If they pushed, I’d tell them I’d do anal if they let me use a strap on on them. That would shut them up pretty fast.
Recently my boyfriend asked me if I’d be down for anal and mentioned it was always something he’d wanted to try. Then I tried to be cute and said that I always wanted to try topping a guy with a strap on, so I said I’d do anal if he let me use a strap on on him. I thought he’d say “no” immediately but he stopped for a moment and said “ok let’s do it” and I got really confused and he said he was always down to try new things and that he’d love to help fulfill a fantasy I’ve always had and at the very worst he can say he doesn’t like it but at least he tried. I was at a complete loss for words because I was NOT expecting that. He actually seemed pretty excited about it. I just didn’t say anything and hoped maybe he’d forget, but today he texted me and asked if I got a strap on yet (and requested “nothing too big”).
I was NOT at all expecting him to say yes. Had I known he would’ve reacted that way, I would’ve been up front and said “no.” However, now I feel like a major asshole because he did seem really excited about engaging in something I’ve always wanted to try. He was so accepting and open minded and I feel I might’ve inadvertently used that against him.
What can I do about it now? Obviously I have to tell him I don’t want to do it, but what’s a good compromise?
EDIT: to the people asking, I’m a little indifferent to pegging him. I feel the same way he does with “worse that happens is I can say I tried it”
26 comments
Hahahaha.
OK, well, he called your bluff.
There are several things you could do.
1. You could double-down. You could suggest even kinkier trades until he folds. You can guess how that could go wrong.
2. You could fold completely. Just tell him you were bluffing and your booty is off-limits.
3. You could just go through with it. Hey, lots of people like it.
4. You could explain everything and see if you could work something else.
You realise that this game you’ve played so far might have worked up until now but as you’ve seen, it’s not a guarantee. So be mature and honest with him and admit that you thought he was just like “other men” but that you realise this ha now backfired and you are sorry but you actually don’t want to do anal and that is the honest truth and you’re sorry you resorted to a silly game as opposed to being honest with him. Then promise to always just be honest in future and joy play any more ridiculous games like this.
Then you see how you are able to move forward with him, or without him, if he feels betrayed for being played like this.
If he stays, you have a PROPER discussion about what you both ACTUALLY want or don’t want to do in bed and see where your likes overlap
It’s a little unclear from your post if you actually are interested in pegging him or if that was just a joke.
If you want to peg him and he’s down to give it a shot, you could just do that and tell him you were bluffing. Maybe you’ll both love it.
It seems like he wants to try anal play on himself independent on if you’d like to or not.
I’d explain to him that you’re not interested in anal sex on you, but you’d be more than happy to play with a strapon on him.
Sounds like he would understand.
OP, just a question related to your edit, you say that “worst that can happen is i can say I tried it” is both of your attitudes towards pegging, why not take the same attitude towards anal?
This is a tough spot you’re in, he sounds like he would be very understanding of your boundaries had you just been open and honest with him.
Speaking from experience, anal was always off limits for me until I met a man who completely opened me up to a new world of pleasure and one of those things was anal. I now absolutely love it! If done right with someone you trust, the feeling is like nothing else.
Whatever you decide, go in with your truth. Good luck!
Bite the bullet.
Just try both. Both of them are amazing!
First off- you’ve gotta come clean. You really really shouldn’t keep him in the dark about your reservations, and I’m sure he’ll feel horrible and more than a little hurt if he later discovers that not one but two acts he thought you were on board with were done with a background that he wasn’t aware of.
If you do carry on regardless (bad idea unless you’re truly into these things) you definitely *shouldn’t* jump into pegging and full on dick in ass immediately. You work towards it with stuff like fingering and butt plugs, and always with loads of lube.
Just tell him what you’ve written here
LOL… I’m sorry, what I meant to say was: HAHAHAHAHA.
So you tried to manipulate him and it didn’t work and it back fired. Now you want to know what to do..ok STOP MANIPULATING PEOPLE. So that’s first. Try using the actually words that describe your feelings and be honest. Holy shit you’re right that is hard…
>Obviously I have to tell him I don’t want to do it, but what’s a good compromise?
There isn’t one.
You’re in a bad situation of your own making that you freely chose.
Have you even learned from this or are you still the exact same person you were before?
>However, now I feel like a major asshole because he did seem really **excited about engaging in something I’ve always wanted to try.**
…
>He was so accepting and open minded and I feel I might’ve inadvertently used that against him.
There was nothing inadvertent about it.
​
>I’m his first ever girlfriend and sexual partner.
You should probably take that responsibility more seriously, then, instead of being cavalier about potentially giving him longterm issues by not acting in good faith.
Well this could be fun for u too do it together get a double headed dildo and fuck each other for the first time. Lubr each other up and go ant it gently get one that has balls in the middle of it or u will have to hold on to it as it will slip from one ass to the other
It’s one of those, “Oops, after more thought, I’m not ready for anal but I will give you a hot blowjob and let you finish anywhere you want” kind of deals. Blowjobs make everything better.
Open your mind.
And your ass!
You made the grave, now lay in it. All you can really do is take responsibility and be honest with him. You gotta realize alot of men actually enjoy prostate and anal play. A good learning opportunity for you. Next time don’t play games and assume.
Why did you choose to be adversarial and lie to him instead of treating him like an actual trusted partner and telling him honestly you’re not into anal?
Your BF has a great attitude towards sex!
Well you definitely *are* an asshole for manipulating him like that. Especially since he now also seems to think that pegging is your fantasy.
A compromise might be some more tame ass play like mutual fingering? You never know, maybe you’ll enjoy it.
People who are into anal who get told by their partner that they’ll do it… well it’s not just going to slip their mind.
Well, that’ll teach you to try to manipulate instead of having truthful communication & setting hard boundaries.
Now go tell the truth and be prepared for any reaction.
Two options:
1. explain that you didn’t want to do anal at all. You just made the mistake of trying to scare him with the strap-on thing instead of saying no outright.
2. Actually go through with it, if you’re okay with trying anal once.
Stop doing this. Fucks sake cis women. You better be prepared for a potential yes.
God fucking dammit I hate people who lie like this. Why do that? You are aware that anal sex can actually feel good, are you not? I don’t care if you’re such a duplicitous prude that you are too scared to try. That’s your monotonous sex life, not mine. However, bitches like you really piss me off. There are so many of you who do this that it reinforces and spreads a stigma about it. Fucking stop it! There are women out there who like anal. You’re making life miserable for us. Next time, don’t be a shallow lying manipulative sneaky child about it, and just own your discomfort. You ought to tell him straight that you’re sorry for lying and that this has never been a fantasy of yours. When I read the beginning sentence of this post, I was expecting to be worried or angry at the guy, but what a twist, he’s not trying to coerce you into something you’re uncomfortable with. He’s got no fucking clue! You know damn well you have to tell him the truth. Prep your walk of shame bitch, and get it over with before the poor bastard starts spanking it to pegging porn and starts actually fantasizing. Understand, you’re the problem, and you put yourself here.
Lesson learned; don’t joke about stuff your not willing to do. Just be honest with him.
Your bf sounds awesome. I’ve been with lots of guys, and he sounds cooler than pretty much all of them 😂 Just be honest and hopefully you guys can laugh about it. But also – consider being as open as he is. You never know, you might surprise yourself.