I was recently in a three month thing with a guy. He claimed he loved hanging out with me, only wanted something serious, saw a future with me, etc
However, he barely made time for me. When he did, it was great, but he had a limited amount of free time and it seemed given a choice to spend it with me or his friends, he always chose his friends, some of them other women as well.
I basically had to accommodate a lot more than he did because he just never kept days open for us. I ended things because I have a rule about judging by people’s actions and not their words. However, I feel like I might run into this type of thing again.
Now, I understand not canceling on your friends to go on dates. I just felt like it was disinterest to never keep any time open for me, or not adequately trying to plan dates ahead so that we can see each other at least once a week.
He was actually surprised when I broke up with him, which still perplexes me. Like did you not realize that your actions would be an issue??
Do I just never believe anything a man says?? How can I trust men enough to let them into my life and give them a chance, when they say these things and do the total opposite??
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I don’t think he was lying in this case. He just had a different level of social priority than you do, and there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s just an incompatibility. If he is surprised by you breaking up with him I’m guessing you never brought this concern up to him?
Don’t assume people are liars just because they act in ways you don’t agree with or don’t understand. It’s a really negative way to make assumptions about people
Well, you didn’t actually mention a lie here. Now, men do lie a lot, especially when immature, but nothing here is a lie.
I’m not sure this is an issue of “trust.” This guy *disappointed* you, but he didn’t “betray your trust.”
I think your belief that actions speak louder than words is spot on, and helped you realize that this guy was not the one for you. Investing a few months in someone who seems promising is not the end of the world — you gave him a shot, and it turned out not to be a good match.
I’m not trying to minimize your feelings here; it is sad and exhausting to get your hopes up and then be disappointed.
But I don’t think this is about “not being able to believe men.” I think this guy probably did really like you, but wasn’t able to give you the kind of relationship you want and need.
And isn’t that the purpose of dating? To figure out if you’re a good match?
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I don’t think he lied here as as much as he was n’t prioritizing time with you and the relationship.
You know how one person’s clingy is another person’s preferred closeness/one person’s amount of space can be perceived as too distant/cold by others? I believe the biggest problem in that one relationship is that you’re needs in a relationship contradicted what he needed/was willing to give.
Some guys are willing to prioritize their girlfriends above their friends if serious enough. Others will prioritize their friends/family more and this may or may not change.
I believe in The saying that if someone wanted to, they will especially if you have talked about it before. So for your next relationship pursuit, I’d recommend asking how guys prioritize their personal relationships and how important spending time together especially frequency since you seem to prefer spending more time together than less. There are guys who exist that will prioritize you and your time spent together and keep their word/promises (I’m with one currently) but you have to find them and that’s where dating comes in.
This is something I see so often – people want a partner who is social, outgoing, and motivated, but they don’t want the outcome of this which is that relationships will likely not be their only priority.
You need to accept that people have their own priorities, and you’ve been a part of his life for a mere three months so you have no place to take priority over other parts of his life that have been there for years. You need to either accept that or date someone who is willing to prioritize you, but the cost of that is someone who likely won’t be as motivated in other parts of his life.
It’s not men, it’s the guys that YOU are choosing
JFC stop applying your shitty choices onto all men and act as if we’re all a group of homogeneous douchebags because you had a bad experience
Everything wrong with modern dating right here
God no… But keep the lies close and whammmo… Flowers chocs and money as forgiveness
Some men don’t know how to treat women and they never will
Seems like you never elaborated your expectations of him in the relationship.
Some people grow into a relationship quickly, others like to take things slowly. I’ve definitely had relationships where we both took things too quickly. What’s important is for you to communicate periodically with each other where you guys are, and how you feel about the current state of the relationship.
If he was genuinely surprised, then I think you didn’t communicate up front about your expectations of him. So I think you can focus more on your communication in your next relationship.