I’m 36. My 20s were full of fun and adventure, and I buckled down and got a real job at 30. Most days I feel insecure about *something*, even though logically I shouldn’t. I’m worried I’ll lose my job even though I get good reviews and the company isn’t talking about layoffs. I’m recently divorced and worried I’ll never find love again even though I’m moderately attractive and have a good job. I’m worried my parents will pass soon even though they’re in ok health. I’m worried I’ll have a mental breakdown even though life was much more stressful in the middle of the divorce.
Yes I’m in therapy and it’s teaching me how to process these emotions in productive ways, but I’m not learning how to eliminate them. Is this just something that happens as you get older? And do you have any tips on getting rid of these feelings?
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Maybe a bit, but that’s mostly overshadowed by ever increasing cynicism.
I feel insecure because I have nothing external to make me feel secure. I’ve been a nomad ever since I was a kid (not my choice as a kid, but my choice as an adult) and have few close friends. I’ve also been single for most of my life. Hard to feel secure when you get no external validation.
I’m slowly become more OK with it in a “who gives a fuck, it is what it is” kinda way, which I’m not sure what to think about.
Decreased significantly. Idgaf about a log of things anymore. You can catch me dancing to my fav tune on my headphones in the middle of a crowded gym. I truly dgaf
No.
If anything, I became indifferent.
Maybe read a book on stoicism or buddhism if these types of things are bringing you distress. The more accepting you are of yourself, the more you won’t care about these things as much.
i.e. If you cared for yourself as much as you cared for the idea of being employed, you might instead think that you are indispensable and the company is lucky to have you, not vice-versa because the mainstream news spreads FUD.
no. insecurity isn’t a thing i do.
Not at all. Feelings of security – aka – not caring what people think of me – have increased.
quite the opposite actually.
First of all, those sound like pretty normal feelings given your situation, so don’t beat yourself up about it.
Personally I’ve found for me that insecurity stems from anxiety, and as such it tends to come and go. As I’ve gotten better at managing my anxiety I’ve felt more secure. It’s not really a self esteem issue. For the most part I’ve always been happy with myself and confident about who I am.
I can empathise with you. I am the same age, and I am going through divorce, and my contract will be ending in a few months time, with nothing else in sight for now. But a lot can change in little time, and you and I just need to have a little faith that we will get over this. The insecurity comes because we are more aware of our limits in the world, and of how much it really takes to get back into a situation where you feel good about yourself. But that just means we are wiser than before, too. We got this.
I started feeling this way since I lost my job. At first it was good times not having to worry about work but now it’s taking a toll on my mental health. It’s the first time I’ve ever felt like this and I don’t like it.
Only with dating.
Everything else, I’m the man.
The vast majority of people grow more conservative (read: fearful) as they age.
And it makes sense actually. You start seeing all the ways in which your life *could* go wrong and our minds go crazy. Youth offers ignorance and we cling onto others for coping methods (identity groups we feel we belong to)
It’s been a constant with me, but I’ve learned how to manage it better over time.