I (23F) grew up with no parents and no relationships to look up to. My boyfriend (24M) grew up with a great home life until his mom passed away when he was 13, and his dad remarried less than a year later. I have no idea what a relationship is supposed to look like or what parents are supposed to be like. I need to know the one thing your spouse does for you that means the most. It can be simple or complex. My boyfriend really has no idea what to do in a relationship either, and we’re both trying to be the best we can be for each other.
TLDR: I (23F) need to know the one thing your spouse/partner does for you that means the most so that I can be a better partner. Sincerely, a mom/girlfriend with no parents or family.
4 comments
no joke. Counseling. It’s super helpful to learn the skills, and if there are no parents to provide them, a professional is a valid resource.
A relationship counselor can help you learn to communicate your needs to each other clearly and comfortably.
You should not be your partner’s mom. He should not be your dad. Those are different dynamics, which can be teased apart and understood better.
One simple thing we both do is often thank each other for doing everyday things. If he does laundry or takes out the trash I thank him and vice versa. Those tasks are expected but when he thanks me it make me feel good that he appreciates it and doesn’t take my hard work for granted.
I know you asked for one but another thing is open communication about how you are feeling. There are always going to be days when one person feels off and just needs to be alone. When that happens I will tell him it’s nothing he did but i just need alone time. He respects that and will not ask any follow up question, even if he wants to inorder to make me feel better. He will just let me be alone.
I’d recommend that you check out the Gottman Institute’s publications and read one of their books together. They’re about marriage, but the lessons are applicable to all romantic relationships.
Honestly the healthiest thing the two of you can do for each other is to communicate the things you want and need from each other. Neither of you are mind-readers and often times in relationships frustrations come from things where one side is annoyed about something and expects the other to know why they are upset. As long as you are both open to communicate through the good times and bad everything else will fall in to place.