As the title suggests, I have a toxic coworker. He’s very cynical about quite literally everything. Fuck the government, fuck the NHS, fuck authority, fuck this, fuck that and fuck everything because everything is fucked. It’s very draining to work with him because it’s just the two of us, so I have to listen to his cynicism and negativity all day long. Aside from the doom and gloom of the world, he really has it out for the company we work for and he especially hates my supervisor. He spends a good chunk of time talking shit about our supervisor and I’ve ended up arguing with him on two occasions about it because his opinions are rude and nasty and not at all relevant or based in fact. I’m starting to feel anxious before shifts with him because I don’t know what to expect and it’s hard to not allow him to affect my mood. I’m also starting to worry that some of the work related toxic complaining will begin to rub off on me and cause me anxiety about work as a whole. This is a somewhat new scenario for me so I’m unsure on how to stay unbothered and focused on myself and my work.
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I would actually argue that you should speak to your supervisor directly about this.
How do you feel about the supervisor? Maybe even HR directly.
Is the supervisor approachable?
Tell them to shut the fuck up and stop engaging.
Watching this post with interest because it could have been written by me. I too have an intensely negative coworker who is obsessed with the idea that ‘everything is fucked in this fucking disgusting country’. I don’t really know how to handle it. I don’t know why, but when a rant starts I start to feel quite anxious. Before I go in to the office I’m already worried there will be a lot of ranting that day. I also get a little resentful, eg I would have liked to have a light hearted chat about the coronation with my office friends, but we all know that’s a ‘banned topic’ because of this one angry person. I 100% understand where you’re coming from OP!
Are you able to put earphones in and listen to music to block him out? That’s what I’d be tempted to do.
Presumably he just holds forth, and expects you to listen? Whatever else you do, such as speak to a supervisor, I would start by changing that. Not with a dramatic outburst but eg saying you just need to concentrate on something, or working elsewhere for short periods and really depriving him of any engagement as much as you can.
My first action would be to divert conversations away, or to simply ignore him or give minimal interaction.
Some people are like this, ignore it
I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this.
Firstly, I’d pull him aside and explain to him in a non-confrontational manner (he may be more willing to listen) how his word vomit/emotional dumping is affecting you. Basically what you just told us here, how it’s having a long term negative effect on your mental health.
I’d also say something like you appreciate and respect that he has strong opinions on such matters, but this is a work environment and he needs to be maintain a certain level of professionalism for you to work as a team. Also, make a note of the fact this conversation happened and the date just in case.
Hopefully that should help, but if he persists, send him a follow-up email reminding him of your conversation, write everything down with dates and take the entire log to your supervisor or HR. Explain the situation, the impact it’s having on your mental health, that you’ve made it clear to him it’s an issue and that your performance as a team is negatively effected by his unprofessionalism and lack of respect for your boundaries.
Best of luck 💕
Edit: in the mean time, you can try grounding exercises/mindfulness, listen to music if you’re able, immerse yourself in work, take bathroom breaks when you need a little break from him, try steering the conversation to topics he’s more likely to respond positively to if not work talk (his favorite food, movie, music, animals, hobbies, lighthearted topics like that). Also remember to stay hydrated! 🙂
Wind him up all the time. Bully him a bit. Move his stuff around.
I love it, me. Always mess with the air conditioner or switch their computer off, unplug wires, change the chair/desk settings. My favourite one is to move everything on their desks slightly to the right several times a week, until it becomes noticeable. One time, I took everything out of the fridge and put it all back the exact opposite way to where it was. Drives them mad.
I’ll probably get down voted for this but, if it really bad, you could have a recording app on your phone, set it recording with screen off, record everything he says.
Do it somewhere where other employees have access to it at some point.
Buy a super cheap 8gb microsd card from poundland or wilcos, copy the saved audio file to it, put in an envelope with a typed letter just saying something like:
I’m just bringing this to your attention regarding the toxic nature of one of your employees towards one of his co-workers, enclosed is an audio file for you to listen to.
Then end it with something like:
Yours faithfully
A concerned employee.
Then post it to the company from outside of your area.
Then if you get called in about it, act all surprised that someone knows about it.
It’s sneaky but effective 🙂
Seriously mate, Leave. Been through it twice before. Fuck that shit. Life’s too short. Best thing I ever did was leave. It spurred me on to do my own thing.
Sounds like he really hates his job. His life is probably pretty miserable. You could ask him if he has thought of working somewhere else.
I would just be direct and say you don’t want to hear it though. I would from then on ignore his whinging in an obvious way ie walking away or putting your headphones on.
Oh god, you have my sympathy- this could have been written by me 5 years ago. I worked with a guy so relentlessly negative about absolutely everything. Christmas? Rubbish. Birthdays? What’s the point? Going on holiday? Waste of time and money. Summer? Too hot. Winter? Too cold. Other people? All awful one way or another. Not a nice word to say about anyone or anything.
Thankfully redundancy got me out of there with a few grand in my pocket and into a more positive workplace environment.