So I’ve always supported my wife as far as what she wants to do and her goals wether it be going to school or changing career paths. Unfortunately none of these things worked out and it’s put a lot on my plate the last year and a half. I’ve gotten in a lot of debt taking out 8k in loans and 4k in credit cards to keep us afloat that I’m stuck paying back myself.
My wife insisted on separate bank accounts and splitting our shared bills. This didn’t work out very well because I was making a bit more money but having to cover a lot more and paying for everything when we went out or helping her with stuff she wanted.
She had been doing app services after she quit her other jobs and not putting away money for taxes so now we owe 7k in taxes. Both of us combine only make 75k right now and with all the debts and bills I don’t know how to get ahead.
We’ve recently moved to another state and I been stuck paying all the bills besides her car on my own. She asked me if I can keep doing that for another month or two so she can buy things for the house. I’m not even making it paycheck to paycheck at this point. Yesterday I put the last $100 I had towards food then today she asks me if I have $85 for her eye lash appointment she made knowing I have $0 dollars. I desperately need things for myself but can’t get anything and I’m behind on my car yet she can spend $85 on lashes and $200 on hair.
I really don’t know what to do but her irresponsibility with money is really turning me off, pushing me away, and making me very stressed out. If I try to talk about it then it becomes an argument or she becomes annoyed and won’t talk about it like an adult.
2 comments
If she insists on having separate bank accounts, she should not be asking you for money to go to eyelash appointments. (This is the same reason my husband divorced his first wife. He said they split the bills and she’d blow through all of her extra money eating out with her friends every day because she worked at a mall, and then she’d want some of his money and fight with him when he wouldnt just hand it over.)
Suze Orman, a finance expert, says if you’re going to split bills, it should be by a percentage. So, let’s pretend (for ease of math) that combined you make $100k together. But let’s say she earns $35k a year and you earn $65k. Add up all of your monthly shared expenses.. house payment/rent, renters/homeowners insurance, electric, water, etc. Whatever that number is, you put 65% of the money into the account and she puts 35% of it. Then she can pay for her own stuff like her car and lashes with whatever is left. So if your bills were a total of $2,000 a month, you’d deposit $1,300 and she’d do $700.
I dont know how well this works, you can look into Suze Orman for more insight and better examples. I wouldn’t give your wife access to your accounts though.. she sounds very financially irresponsible. Maybe seeing a financial counselor would help.
My husband and I throw all of our money into one account and pay bills from there and also have the same amount of a fun-money fund for each of us every month that we can spend on whatever we want. But this was a system we agreed on and we both have access to every bank account and we trust each other. If I want something expensive for myself, I’d save up for it using my monthly fun money budget.. not ask him or expect him to fork over his own fun money.
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