I just lost only and best friend, we had known each other for about 2 years( he is an online friend) when he suddenly went quiet for 3 months, no chatting no games, nothing. He sent one text after 1.5 months saying he just has a lot of school and wasn’t talking to anyone.
Yesterday I found out he has been regularly talking with one of our mutual friends( a friend that i introduced him to, and he has know her for maybe 7months), they had regular talks and conversations. I asked him about this and why he wasn’t talking to me. Especially as i had been quite open with i just needed a friend because my depression had gotten worse.
He asked if i wanted the truth, and i said yes.
I won’t tell exactly what he wrote but it boild down to he was happier with out me, he pointed out all the shitty things i do that i didn’t even realize. He said i should let go because he is not gonna deal with me anymore.
I was the problem, and i didn’t realize. I didn’t see the horrible things i did and how i treated him, i was blind. And because of it i lost him, i can’t forgive myself, I’m a terrible person and i ruin everything always.
I have no good friends anymore and i don’t think I’m gonna try to make some, i can’t image putting another person trough what i did to my best friend. I can’t do that, i won’t do that. I’m not gonna ruin anything more.
Tl;DR. My best friend abandon me because i was a horrible person, I don’t know if I should find new friends, can’t put another human trough what i did to my best friend, I ruin everything
7 comments
What kind of horrible things exactly did you do that caused him to end your friendship?
Sounds like your depression may be worse than you realised. Sometimes when we are in the depths of depression we can’t see how our actions or what we say may be making others feel.
Are you getting professional help for your depression?
Just the fact that you feel remorse after realizing how terrible you’ve treated your friend proves that you aren’t an outright bad person. If you’d done what you did and didn’t feel bad at all, then that would be concerning, but it looks like you really do have the willingness to work on yourself. Don’t stop trying to make friends! Learn from this friendship so that you won’t make the same mistakes again. Now that you’ve recognized what’s happened, if you ever start to notice yourself doing the same things, you can actively decide to stop. I also think your friend just completely cutting you off is a little immature. He should have communicated to you what was happening and how you were making him feel, thus giving you the chance to fix your behavior, but he just randomly one day decided to stop talking to you. I have plenty of friends that have their own issues and I always confront/communicate with them, while also letting them know that while I was upset or hurt that I didn’t want to just throw away the friendship, and the fact that your friend didn’t even try to tell you what was wrong meant that he didn’t really care and honestly you wouldn’t want to be friends with someone that unreliable. You should 100% start trying to make new friends, and hopefully you make friends that will communicate with you better so that you can learn what is acceptable and what isn’t. Good luck!!
What kind of shit friend was he hat he didn’t talk to you about it before it went off the rails?!
I mean yeah it sounds like you made him feel bad at times, but part of every relationship is communication and he didn’t tell you, at all, instead opting to just disappear?
Then he lied about it on top of it?
You might not have been an angel, but he’s a bit of a piece of shit, too.
Sometimes life just hits you like this. You can’t really get him back as a friend because it’s a two way street. Now it’s the time to be lucky that it was online and change how you are.
Also just because you’re depressed doesn’t mean someone else has to deal with it or give you the benefit of the doubt. Someone can literally choose to not be your friend because you’re depressed and that’s their right to not deal with being the emotional crutch you need.
If anything this is more of a wake up call on what you need to do and fix. We all take losses
Coming from a life long gamer, I’ve seen a lot of friend groups blow up from multiplayer toxicity. If you can still contact your friend, own up to your faults, apologize,
and ask for another chance. Suggest playing a different, more casual game. Ditch the sweaty games like CoD and Overwatch.
If they won’t give you another shot, then you take it as a learning experience, and work on yourself a little. I’ve had a few friends on Xbox for over 15 years, who I’ve traveled to different continents to meet and vice versa. I’ve also had friend groups who I’d play with everyday break up after 6 months to a year.
Even if it doesn’t work out with this one, you’ll find a new friend. Use this as a wake up call and be a better you.
So this really sucks, but if it makes you feel any better it’s kind of a common thing. When I was in college and going through a mental breakdown, I know I was toxic to be around at points. You just don’t realize how your weird-ass behavior is coming off when you’re really mentally unwell. I was just focused on making myself feel better and put the onus on others to draw boundaries, not considering how their kindness might be leading them to tolerate me until their individual breaking points rather than giving me honest feedback.
All that is to say, you absolutely can bounce back and make healthier friendships. I do think you should talk to a therapist and perhaps a psychiatrist to help you stabilize a bit–a lot of times an antidepressant is just a life raft to help you get back to the boat, it’s not a forever thing for everyone (although sometimes it is helpful longterm). You just need some help to get back on your feet, it’s going to be ok! Being a person is hard, especially if you didn’t have a lot of help when you were younger (parental and sibling relationships to model after).
Good luck OP! We’re rooting for you!