My girlfriend (2 months) loves me a lot. She has the kind of love for me that defies logic. She is exactly what I thought I would never find: a good person who truly and honestly only wants me, exactly as I am, with no expectations. It feels like I should consider myself lucky, but I’ve had serious doubts since the beginning of the relationship, and they haven’t gone away.
I could tell you all sorts of details about why I think it won’t work, but to be honest none of them are relevant. And all of them could be overcome by a dedicated couple. It’s just that something feels “off” in my mind when I consider me and her together for a long time. I don’t regret the time we spent together, and I enjoyed the comfort and attention she gave me. I also enjoyed making her happy, but I realized I can’t do this at the expense of my own feelings. She loves me a lot more than I love her, and it feels selfish to keep her attached to me.
It is for these reasons that I realize that we will probably have to break up sooner rather than later. I just feel like a monster because of it. She’s been so good to me and I’m all she wants in this world, and I am destroying all of that because of a gut feeling. There’s no apparent reason why we should break up, and I feel like I will regret it, whether that’s in 3 days or 3 years from now. She is also away from her support network, as she is back home for the summer where she doesn’t have many friends and there are lots of bad memories.
I know that every breakup sucks, but is there any way that I can make this easier for both of us? And is it normal that I should feel so guilty about it?
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**tl;dr**: My girlfriend (of 2 months) is pretty, sweet, and super devoted to me. She loves me more than I know how to explain, but I don’t really see a future with her and I would rather just be friends. Is this normal? Then why do I feel so guilty?
2 comments
It’s normal, It’s fine, and you’ve only been dating 8 weeks so she doesn’t know you well enough to love you. Clean breaks are usually best though. And don’t put it off.
>And is it normal that I should feel so guilty about it?
You expressed that she showed very strong affection for you, so I think a lot of people would feel guilty about giving someone the bad news that their feelings aren’t reciprocated.
>I know that every breakup sucks, but is there any way that I can make this easier for both of us?
Make it clear, respectful, and honest.
Clear: Use language that accurately reflects what you want. Even if you don’t say “break up”, you can say things like “I don’t think I can continue dating”, or “I think we should see other people”. You can even make your intentions known that you’re open to being friends.
Respectful: It’s good to recognize her efforts towards the relationship and that you appreciate them, even though you still want to call off dating.
Honest: Simply, make sure what you communicate and promise is what YOU want, and you’re not just bending to fit what she wants.