How do you have conversations that effortlessly flow with people that you have no common interests with?

16 comments

1. By listening and responding (and asking questions) instead of waiting for my turn to speak.

2. By asking open ended questions that lead into their possible interests. The point is to get to know them and what they like to talk about.
   Adversely, if they lead the questioning, you can open up about your interests.

3. Lots of practice.

4. Questions, relevant commentary, a few jokes. People like to talk about themselves and their interests, you just need to let them feel heard. Needs the right balance of question and reflection.

   There’s a knack of matching energy, too. Not just excitement level but I mean like…body language even word choice a bit. People are comfortable when they see a bit of themselves in who they’re talking to.

5. You want to keep the conversation flowing, so you have the responsibility of dictating the conversation.

   Don’t talk just to talk. Nobody likes people who talk simply because they’re afraid of silence. It’s annoying.

   You speak when you’re voicing your thoughts. So observe, and study the people around you. Probe with questions. Find out what you want to know about them. We all love to talk about ourselves and we all wish more people would ask us about ourselves, so start there.

6. I don’t normally. It’s very hard to find. It takes a certain chemistry.

7. By enjoying each other’s company and being genuinely interested in each other.

   I’m good friends with a girl who couldn’t be more different than me. She smokes weed, has tons of tattoos and piercings, goes to raves and everything else.

   I’m a run of the mill traditional dude with a stable job, no tattoos, into fishing etc etc.

   We always have a blast when we meet and we’ll talk for hours on end. We simply like each other and respect our own differences.

8. There’s always immediate common interest with the person you’re speaking with. Find it.

9. Feign intrest in their interests

10. I worked on my communication skills over the years. Having social skills is a lost art in 2023! Like when I’m having a conversation I’m in point guard mode. I can set the table or talk depending on the flow of things. Also don’t be afraid of saying the first thing on your mind. Looking back I started being shy as heck and being nervous talking to strangers. I just kept putting myself in uncomfortable positions.

11. Let their interests become your interests. Ask them open-ended questions to get them talking about their passions. Treat it like you’re asking the teacher questions before a test. Listen, absorb, and learn. Relate when possible, but keep the focus on them so they do most of the talking, otherwise the ball comes back to your side of the court snd you’ll have nothing to add.

12. Honestly, I find that conversation difficulty is more to do with how we converse and less to do with common interests. If you’re an earnest listener and you enjoy learning about new things, a lack of common interests can actually make it easier to talk since you can share new things with each other. I have a harder time talking to people who don’t seem interested in what I’m saying or people who clam up or people who are rude, etc.

13. I ask them leading questions about something they like

14. Don’t feel like you gotta stay on topic. Throw anything relevant out. Ask questions. Add others to the convo. 2 people might not have a lot to chat about but 3 people are never quiet.

15. You ask what their interests are, then ask questions about those things.

16. Intelligence, life experience and social skills.