Hello.
Can you help me figure out if I am doing this wrong?
My wife decided to leave me. Our child was 1 month old at the time. That was almost 2 years ago.
We were having trouble with our apartment, and, mid Covid ended up with a substantial loss to our budget. We were not married at the time.
To cover this I went to Croatia, got a job as a Cook and stayed working for the Summer Season.
Right before leaving, as she was pregnant, she decided she wants to get married, although throughout out 13 year relationship we both agreed marriage is not something we would consider necessary.
I thought nothing of it and made all of the arrangements.
At the advice of her sister, she refused to take my last name. On the day of the wedding, she refused to kiss me. Otherwise she acted normally.
Since the apartment was under construction, she stayed at her parents home, in her old room.
That was the arrangement right before I left.
At our home I was responsible of cooking, shopping for supplies and taking care of the household needs. She would clean and wash clothes. She does not drive, nor is she interested in learning. Often, if things went well, she would think of a reason to start a fight and then proceed with not talking to me for prolonged periods of time. One example of things she would get mad about is me saying “I will buy the washing powder the next time I go to the store, I kinda have my hands full as it is”. She refused to talk to me for 60 days. During that time she would watch her shows and laugh out loud as if everything is alright and dandy. Me, not as much. This example became something she would do on regular basis.
Moving along. I was in Croatia when our kid was born, and although it was a busy season, my boss sent me home and covered my shifts. I traveled for 20 hours, came home thrilled to meet my son. He is a ray of sunshine, just one happy kid. While I was changing his diaper, she informed me she is not speaking to me when I tried kissing her on the cheek. Apparently I did not call enough times, and once did not pick up when she called. Keep in mind I am a Cook. I restrained from having an argument and proceeded as if nothing had happened.
Went, back. Finished season. I would text or call miltiple times a day. I am not a really open person, so I say things that are on my mind without wasting anything on small talk. She acted as if everything is ok.
I came home,renovated the damage and was preparing for her arrival, when she informed me she is not coming back. During renovation I would spend the day at her parents house with the kid. No indication of this happening whatsoever.
That was the last straw. I calmly asked her to make divorce arrangements in that case. I saw the same behaviour with her mother and her sister, who both would leave their husbands and take the kid/kids to their parents home until their demands are met (one example would be the husband refusing to buy a certain type of stove for their home).
That was almost 2 years ago. I give monthly payments in cash for my son and take him every day for minimum of 2 hours. I attend doctor appointments, as my job permits (i have since gotten a job as software support specialist) and try to be there for all needs, including taking care of the kid when she goes to her hairdresser.
She has not filed for divorce yet.
Am I wrong for allowing my kid to grow up in a broken home? Is there something i need to be doing to make this better? Would my kid be better off in any kind of home, as long as we are together? I am trying to find reasons to justify what she did and see if my kid can have a family.
Is divorce the right thing to do?
Thank you.