This all happened around January. We’ve been friends before the romantic interest. Me(M24) and my Best friend (F23) have been flirting and talking for months beforehand, she would always talk about how when she’s done with her current relationship (as it was falling apart), we should get together as she sees me as her soulmate.
Fast forward to new year’s she breaks up with her Boyfriend infront of me. Then tells me, her friends and her mum that we are getting together (admittedly she was a little drunk). We don’t do anything that night despite sleeping in the same bed, there is a little bit of kissing and feeling but nothing major.
We talk for a few weeks, everything looks to be going good and eventually around a month after new years we have sex. It was great. But the morning after she then mentions. If nothing happens now in terms of us getting together she says it will probably happen in the future anyways. I get a bit confused with this but think maybe she needs some time to work out what she’s doing next.
The next day we are hanging out, she has a breakdown. She’s screaming about how much she treated her ex like a piece of shit and how she broke his heart and all this, which BTW isn’t true because he was no sweetheart to her too. She eventually tells me that she has two choices, Me who she says has the best personality that she’s ever met, or her ex who is too good at sex. When I heard this I knew it was over. And to no surprise she arranges to meet up with her ex at the weekend.
Go forward a couple of weeks and they are together again.
At first I thought naively, this will be rough at first but we can try and recover the friendship, as she is the best friend I’ve ever had. 3 months later, I still can’t get it out of my head that I wasn’t good enough for her. I get sad every weekend knowing that I can’t hangout with her, as he is there. I can’t go out with her as friends if he is there because I will probably say something to him, as he has been a dick to me in the past, and doesn’t even know what happened between us. I’m distraught that I’m going to lose my best friend (and probably love of my life) due to no fault of my own.
I’ve tried talking to other girls in hopes of getting over her, but it’s just causing more pain, cause I either don’t feel the same about them or it doesn’t even well, damaging my self esteem even more.
I don’t know how I move forward. As the obvious answers are find a new girl who I like as much as her but everytime I try that it just doesn’t work out, one of us either doesn’t feel the same way, or the talking stage breaks down, leaving me down and thinking even more about what happened with my best friend. Or I either cut her out of my life, but she is the only person who I have connected with and made me happy, my whole life. Either way I just feel hopeless and it feels like whatever route I go down. It’s just going to be painful. Another complication is that we work at the same place, so I can’t just cut her out of my life that easy. What a shit situation.
32 comments
You have to slowly start cutting her out of your life. Don’t look at this like a failure, take as something to learn from. Don’t date people who just broke up (especially if it was a longer relationship). On top of that, she’s not the only person in the world who will love you.
I think the fact that you’re working with her could make it awkward if you straight cut her out. Block her on social media, be cordial at work but if she asks, tell her privately that you are trying to move on and you don’t wish to purse a friendship due to lingering romantic feelings.
Don’t let her drag you along, or let her talk about maybe dating you in the future. Honestly, it’s super red flag if someone is talking about how they’d date you once they’re out of their current relationship. Shows how little respect they have for people.
Maybe also look into newer jobs (not sure you’re field but it’s a healthy practice anyway) and if something good is there, take it. Then block her on everything.
I can’t tell you how many red flags I get from reading the OP. But it’s not healthy for you to try and keep in contact.
You’ve just learned first hand why you never want to be the rebound
Sounds easy to say but i learned that lesson before you were born, i recall how much it hurt
After that lesson I’ve never entertained getting together with anyone that has just ended a relationship unless it was a meaningless ONS, where I’m just there to give them a small lift from their breakup (e.g. zero feelings from my side)
This story was written the moment you jumped in as she jumped out
Learn from it
What a bitch
Not to be harsh, but the sex was amazing to you, not her.
>she would always talk about how when she’s done with her current relationship (as it was falling apart), we should get together as she sees me as her soulmate.
Next time, don’t date women who flirt with you while in a relationship. You probably don’t think that’s connected with what happened but it is.
>She eventually tells me that she has two choices, Me who she says has the best personality that she’s ever met, or her ex who is too good at sex.
Your ex-best friend is just a shitty person that’s not something a decent person would ever say. Never do the “pick me” dance with someone who compares you to her ex. Cut her out of your life and move on, because I guarantee she’ll come back again and hurt you more in the future.
Buddy. There are *eight billion* people on this planet. It is literally not possible for there to be only *one* that you can possibly fall in love with. This is gonna sound mean: neither you nor her are quite *that* special or unique.
I know it feels like you’ll never meet someone you love the way you love her – but you can, if you just let yourself. You gotta rip the band-aid off, cut her out, and start grieving the loss properly. Right now, you’re just prolonging your suffering.
Well their relationship will again fail and one day she will realize that she chose poorly.
Also, this doesn’t mean you’re bad at sex. They had a lot more time to get to know each others bodies and that makes it different. Don’t be down on yourself
Dump her and move on. You have no other option.
This person is NOT your friend.
You have to cut contact with her so you can move on. And avoid friendships like this going forward.
The obvious answer is very definitely not to try to replace her with someone else.
The obvious answer is to take off the rose tinted glasses and look at the facts. And I’m sorry if this seems harsh, but it seems you need to see it.
Your “best friend” doesn’t see you as her soulmate. She doesn’t want to be with you in a relationship, she was leading you on so she could have sex with you when she wanted to, then get back to her ex as soon as he tells her to jump. Her comments about “we’ll probably get together in future anyway” were purely to make sure you keep hanging on when she gets back together with her ex, which obviously worked.
You need to prioritise yourself. Because your “best friend” never will
You need to move on and stop contacting this girl. She sounds like she has a lot of drama in her life. She is more than likely using you as an emotional crutch. She obviously still loves her ex and will always choose him over you. She needs to sort out her feelings/problems herself. An you should not be there while she does this. Find your happiness in other things in life, it doesn’t have to be woman right now.
Take it as a learning moment.
Don’t fuck your best friend.
really bruh? you’re the shitty “he’s just a friend babe”. you’re awful and she is too. sounds like y’all deserve eachother
The only thing I can say that I haven’t seen mentioned already. She chose poorly and from your description has some really major issues. If you don’t cut her out and move on, then you’ll be the one making bad choices. You know the score now. She doesn’t really value you.
Kind of ironic that when she had the breakdown she said she treated her ex like shit, but she really treated YOU like shit!
You won’t get over her until you go no contact with her. There is no way you should be her friend when she treated you like that! She is not your soulmate, not the love of your life, she is a selfish bitch that wants you around for her ego and as a safety net!
For the record I would also let her boyfriend know you banged her!!
I’m sure she fed you a lot of bs about how much you mean to her and that you’re her closest friend, but nobody would do the things she did to you if they felt even for a split second true friendship towards you.
Bro, you’re saying this girl is your soulmate and love of your life while she openly treats you like a doormat/back-up plan that she couldn’t care less about. You need to get some self respect.
One day you’ll find a girl that likes you in the same way you like this girl. Not someone that says “nah, you can wait. I’d rather go back to banging my ex.” Come on man.
I’m going to be honest, this girl should be avoided for at least 10 years so she can grow up. I feel for you, but just concentrate on your own life.
Get angry at her. I would. The way she treated you is not cool. The open comparison with her ex (oh, he was too good at sex – wtf?!) is honestly insulting. I would limit communication to business only. You deserve better. You really do.
You could remain just friends only, no sex
Op she’s not the love of your life if she used you and left you broken like a toy.
You need to get some space from her. And hope that this doesn’t turn into a typical reddit story where you’ll have to co-parent with her for the next 18 years.
She was cheating on her ex with you, send him all the screenshots.
This woman is no good. Chaotic waste of your time.
Here is something else to digest. You cannot be friends with someone if one of you has romantic feelings for the other.
You are not looking out for her best interest due to you wanting to be with her and naturally against any “competitors” and acting like a sly piece of shit because of it.
Also it is emotionally damaging long term, not to mention a waste of time as you are hung up on this person while not healing from it and thus missing out on real romantic opportunities.
Best path forward is to cut her out of your life to maximum extent posstible and keep it moving. You stay in her orbit, you’ll have nothing but pain.
The extra obvious answer, which you seem to be willfully ignoring, is to recognize what an emotional loose cannon your wannabe-gf is, and recognize the bullet dodged. The story you just told about her is appalling. Breaking up with her boyfriend in public and immediately announcing in front of him her next conquest? And you failed to recognize that as toxic behavior? (Think she’s not going to treat you the same way? She kind of did. And it took less than 24 hours for her to go there.)
I’m not going to recap all the other bits in your post, other than to suggest you read your own words as if someone else wrote them. How would you advise THAT guy, in the face of that story?
She’s going to end up wrecking you whether you get together with her or not. For your own preservation, steer well clear.
You don’t have a bff. You have a narcissist who uses you for supply and as a fall back. She will continue to string you along as long as you allow it, and when you move on she will try to Hoover you back. I would cut her out of my life if I were you.
It’s over, King. You need to go no contact as best as possible. She went back to her ex over getting with you because of the sex. As much as that fucking sucks, that is the reality you need to live in. Your qualities as a partner are 2nd to how well she can get dicked down. What a shit show, brother. I really am very sorry. Love and respect yourself enough to move on from this as you are only hurting yourself by pining after someone who doesn’t pine for you. Trust me when I say that there are other people out there. Find someone who chooses your first. Life is too short to be hung up on people who don’t want you. I wish you well, brother
She’s a bitch.
You don’t deserve her tbh. She’s a scummy woman who deserves no man. Hope she has fun with her toxic EX boyfriend
She sounds awful.
Simple, you don’t become “friends” with females.
There is always a sexual incentive on the male’s part, and an emotional incentive on the female’s part (she wants attention for free), and your story basically confirms this for you.
If you court a female for a while and she doesn’t show interest, you simply leave. You don’t stick around to be “friends”
Otherwise you end up the way you did.
Don’t let others use you for absolutely no reason.
This woman will never love you or respect you, because you don’t respect yourself.
If you respected yourself, you wouldn’t play second flute to some guy who bangs your love interest, only to be her “friend”.
Oof, buddy. She’s too much of a mess to be decent to anybody at the moment. She doesn’t sound like a good person at all.
And what you’ve been through is some serious trauma. Have you considered therapy to help you work through it?