So I have a super toxic boss and I try to leave before but then I just found jobs that had different problems like they didn’t pay me enough and so I would always go back which I know is on me for going back but I felt like I had no other option, but my boss has just recently hired someone new, and things have just gotten worse and worse Most nights. I try not to talk about work, but usually at least one story comes out whenever we’re relaxing or eating dinner I also encourage my husband to talk about work so it seems fair but a lot of times he doesn’t wanna talk about it. He is way better at separating work from home than I am I guess I just see my husband has my partner and my best friend and so I go to him for support and advice and I know a lot of women say that they want to just that but I really do want to figure out how to deal with the job because I know that me leaving doesn’t really solve anything because I just find a job that’s got different problems and I know that me leaving the job isn’t financially good because I make more money there than I’ve made other jobs, I just don’t know what to do because we keep fighting about it and whenever he said that I was being repetitive, it made me feel like he sees me as just a broken record and I told him how I felt about it that him saying that makes me feel like when I talk about work that I’m just turning on and on and it hurts my feelings that he feels that way because I want him to support
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Sounds exhausting. To hear someone complain every single day. Instead of finding the positive of the life they’ve created. If my spouse came home every day and found something negative every sight day it would be utterly exhausting. I get working though a problem, finding a solution and needing to talk thru details… but just complaining with no plan. No one can help that. There’s no solution. It’s never ending. It’s not fun. It’s not enjoyable.
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This post was exhausting. I would imagine talking about the same thing everyday would drive anyone nuts.
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You need a new job. No ifs, ands, buts. This job is toxic for you and good jobs with good bosses do exist. Many years ago I was in the same boat, complaining about my horrible job to my spouse. It was the worst job I’ve ever had, it gets better.
Venting is a social exercise and you’re looking for connection, when your husband didn’t validate your venting it felt like he was shutting off your attempt to connect. On the one side, your feelings are completely understandable. On the other, you are actually asking a decent bit by doing this constantly. We often expect our spouses to just take our emotional baggage when we hand it to them, but constantly drawing on the goodwill that lets them do that is emotionally exhausting.
Venting feels good, but it’s actually junk food. It’s bad for both your partner and you. This isn’t from a high and mighty place, it’s trying to help. The more you vent and focus on your anger, it just makes you angrier and easier to anger. It makes you and your partner more stressed. I realize there’s a lot of toxic positivity online, so please understand this isn’t saying you shouldn’t have negative emotions, but what you focus on does shape how you feel. If you aren’t offsetting the venting by actively doing things to feel better, it’s just making you feel worse overall.
Some of these comments baffle me. My husband and I talk about our work day extensively EVERY SINGLE DAY and we vent every single time. It creates conversation, we support one another when we have gripes with our coworkers, we discuss whether our reactions/ actions are reasonable, and, frankly, we love the gossip.
I can’t imagine being so annoyed (like your husband and some of these commenters) that their spouse is venting, especially when they’re going through a hard time at work. I feel like these comments are toxic af for making you feel bad for trying to make a connection with the one person who is supposed to care about your problems. I guess I understand that you can’t force your husband to care about what you care about, and clearly you now need to find a different outlet (you mention journaling is a good option for you), but fundamentally, I don’t think venting to your husband about work is a bad thing.
Your husband is there to be supportive yes.
Reverse the roles. If your husband vented at you repeatedly.
The real issue here is you taking action and finding a new job.
I had this issue with my husband but he was right. I was miserable at my previous job and it definitely effected our relationship because it was all I could think about and I would complain almost everyday about it. There’s no reason you can’t vent or talk about your work to your spouse but there’s just a time it becomes too much and unhealthy. My husband wasn’t mean about it but just told me it was too much and looking back it definitely was and was unhealthy, so I’m glad he pointed it out. That’s why I knew I needed to get a new job because it was effecting my outside life, my well-being, and my relationship with my spouse to a certain extent. I don’t think your husband is not being supportive I think it might have just gotten to an unhealthy level of venting and complaining. You should maybe try different ways to let your work go like doing hobbies you enjoy to clear your mind and maybe vent to your husband but just a little less.
Do you have any friends you can go to lunch with and chill with? I go to lunch every Sunday rather out to eat or at home cooking. It’s Sunday where the week ends and we vent at the table. Start all again. Maybe try that? Have a designated day to venting and eating. Maybe then it wouldn’t be a chore but something you wait for at the end of the week. I say Sunday cause that’s a day most people don’t work. Hope you can find middle ground. For people calling you exhausting has exhausted me. It’s like since they bottle up their problems everyone else should to. It don’t work like that.
Men and women are equal but not the same… Of course he has a better time separating work from home because men compartmentalize. You may look for a female friend to talk to at times about work and then also try to change that environment and have a talk with your boss And discuss it in a manner that seeks solutions.
Get a better job or a therapist. Your husband cant listen to it over and over again.
You have choices. You just done like them. You can for sure find things to cut cost on so you can take Lower paying job. Nails/hair/take out/going out/vacations/clothes/accessories can all be cut off. It’s about what you value more in life. Peace or treats.
You can also get a job that isn’t “white collar” and make a bit more money. I work night shifts at a warehouse. It’s not a “feminine” job and it’s menial work. But it pays well, and as long as I complete my tasks, no one is in my business. Especially at night. No management works night.
You have choices, you just don’t like that you can’t have everything. Someone doing the same thing over and over again and complaining about getting the same results over and over again is exhausting and annoying.
Your partner is where you take your problems to. Talking is good. On the other hand, it can get truly exhausting. My wife talks about her work stress incessantly. I’ve tried listening, I’ve tried offering advice, I’ve tried encouraging her to quit and pursue what makes her happy…nothing changes.
There comes a point where you cannot continue to complain without taking action because at that point it is no longer you two having open communication, it is you putting your partner in a negative predicament with no way to encourage you or to help you.
Break it down to something silly. Imagine your partner complains every single day about there being a piece of trash on the floor. You offer to clean it up. They demand you not touch it. You offer ways for them to clean it up, they deny or ignore. Yet every day they complain to you about this piece of trash on the floor. Eventually it will become a massive burden for them to listen because ot is just complaining to complain.
It is not therapeutic for you nor productive for your relationship.