I (17m) have been friends with a girl (17f) since October 2022. Our relationship has progressed to the point of texting each other every day. I have always had a crush on her, but her mixed signals made it difficult for me to gauge her feelings. I also never had the courage to discuss it with her as it seemed she was always talking to someone else.
Recently, while I was away from school, she asked my friend if I liked her. My friend informed me immediately, and we devised a plan to fake a conversation where I admitted my feelings. After seeing the fake conversation, her response was “I knew it ðŸ˜,” but she also said she only saw me as a friend.
Although this revelation was heartbreaking, I accepted it. However, upon reassessing our friendship, I realized it seemed quite one-sided. For example, she shares all her problems and daily experiences with me but shows little interest in my life. She also asks for favors without reciprocating and rarely checks in on me.
With this realization, I have decided to distance myself from her during the summer to let my feelings fade and to escape the emotional burden she places on me. Is this a reasonable decision, or am I overreacting?
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TL;DR: I have a one-sided friendship with a girl I have a crush on, who doesn’t reciprocate my feelings. I plan to distance myself during the summer to move on and escape the emotional burden. Is this reasonable or am I overreacting?
3 comments
It is reasonable to define your own boundaries and limits and prioritize your own needs.
There is nothing wrong with your approach and you are entitled to end a one-sided friendship. You could also take a more passive approach and just simply match her energy, avoid open ended statements then let time and your proximity to the college years do the ‘distancing’ for you.
I myself was in some similar situations, once with someone who was misunderstood, the other who really didn’t care.
One key difference is if she lets you voice your concerns or what is happening in your life in conversation. If she is not interested at all, and only continues to talk about herself, it’s not a good sign.
You say she doesn’t reciprocate favors. Just to be sure- have you asked her for favors, or expected something? If not, you should ask and see if she reciprocates. It could just be that she sees you as a friend and wants some emotional support.
Do you also share what is going on in your life to her? Could it simply be that there is not as much going on in your life as opposed to hers, emotionally/ problems wise? These are important factors.
You also mentioned you talk daily. Since you say she barely checks up on you- are you always the one initiating?
It could be that she feels like a burden to you and noticed your increased lack of interest- and is too proud to contact you when things are ‘fine’ but then when she really needs emotional support turns to you.
Until now I wouldn’t distance myself, in my opinion it is an overreaction from your side- but if you ask for favors and she turns them down- or she actively shows a disinterest in your life (unless she is going through a very tough time, she could be excused) then feel free to distance yourself.
Lastly, if you simply view her as an emotional burden- it doesn’t sound like you are really interested in being friends with her anyways, since a true friend would care for their friends in the good times as well as the bad times. In this case, there is no use in continuing the friendship at all.