To those that have lost their significant others, what did you do with your life?

8 comments

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2. I’m sorry man. Fuck cancer.

3. I’m sorry.

   The pain never really goes away. You may get better at hiding it. You are morning her, and also a life with her that can never be.

   Some days feel like there is no end.

   Let yourself feel. Happy. Sad. Silly. Your feelings are valid.

   Try to stay connected to a good group who can support you through the worst parts.

   Join an activity. Like the gym. When you are ready:

4. Oh man, I am so sorry. I lost my wife to breast cancer.

   Do you have a support group or some people who have been there to talk about things?

   But you asked what I did. I joined a running club and ran a marathon. Somehow turning the psychic pain into physical pain (I did not injure myself, but running 26 miles hurts.) helped. I totally get why young people who are have mental health crises cut themselves. Making psychological pain physical helps.

   I did my job. But I changed my hours a bit. I found I could function better in the mornings so I got up earlier and went to bed earlier.

   I structured my down time. Once a week I gave myself an hour to listen to sad music (Brahms Requiem did it for me) and feel my feelings.

   I started watching baseball again. (Seriously, loved watching as a kid and quit.)

   I did move back to Canada and got a good job.

   I did start dating. I am married to my current wife for 14 years. Once a year on anniversary of my late wife’s death, I get quiet and moody and my new wife understands. When we watched the movie Arrival together (like after 10 years) I balled in her arms over the loss of my late wife.

   I have a good life now. My reminiscing is mostly the good times. Today I watched Hank Green’s video about having cancer and it made me feel awful for an hour.

   I don’t know if this is the answer you wanted.

   Hugs.

5. My mom died suddenly when I was 13, leaving my dad with me and my sister. I remember many nights where he would just sit and play solitaire on his lap top for hours. That went on for a long time.

   He went on some weird dates with single moms from our community, but I think those mostly ended up being therapy sessions (for them, not for him). He didn’t want be to there, anyway

   Then after about 2 years he met my step mom. Two years later they were married and now I have 3 half siblings. Out of tragedy came a really beautiful family. It takes time, but it gets better

6. So sorry about your loss. Have you tried running or a sport like pickleball?

7. Don’t have much in the way of inspiration, but I can say that for me the pronounced pain morphed into more of a dull ache after a few years. I lost my fiance to an out of the blue seizure that she never woke up from.

   I was a mess for a year or two after, became a hermit to an unhealthy degree. I have really solid friends and family that were there for me when I wanted to slowly restart being social.

   I still think of her every day, but it’s more intentional now. I think of fond things that remind me her, and reminisce on the good times we had. Still sad a lot about it,. Never bothered with dating beyond some short term casual attempts that I just wasn’t in to, so stopped.

   I’m really sorry for your loss man. I know words are hollow, but I feel for you. Take your time, and allow yourself to grieve.

8. My wife died 18 months ago, and my life has mostly derailed.

   I am slowly working toward getting my own business off the ground.

   I got a puppy for companionship.

   Dabbled in the dating sites, and have met some very awful women, a couple decent women, and one very nice woman who I am now dating.

   Consider the value of counselling. It’s good to talk to somebody who is impartial but friendly.