As the title suggests, my boyfriend of almost 4 years forgot my birthday last week completely. The whole day he did not acknowledge it at all. The next day I talked to him about it and he said he felt terrible for forgetting and wanted to make it up to me. It had really hurt my feelings that he’d forgotten, especially because I always make sure to make a big deal out of his birthday by making him feel special, getting him a thoughtful gift, etc. but I was trying to be understanding and wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. Well it’s been officially a week and he hasn’t said anything about it since, much less bothered to actually make plans or find a present. The only reason I was quick to forgive him was because he said he genuinely felt bad and wanted to make it up to me which is all I could have asked for, but that now just feels like an empty apology because he has taken zero action to make it up to me. I don’t even really care about getting a present or doing whatever he would have planned to do, I think it’s more the fact that he knew how disappointed I was and despite saying he felt terrible he obviously didn’t care enough to actually follow through. Is this something I should bring up to him or should I just let it go? I don’t want him to feel like I’m forcing him at gun point to do something nice for me, but also I’m genuinely very hurt. Is this even a big deal or am I being dramatic about it? It’s hard for me to tell since I’ve been so in my head about it so any insight would be super appreciated
TLDR: boyfriend forgot birthday, promised to make it up to me and then never did
4 comments
There are a couple very important things in a healthy and successful relationship: knowing your partner, being proactive, honesty, trustworthiness, follow through and contrition in the face of error. Your BF got all those wrong on this test. If you *really* want to be together, he’s going to have to be better in those areas. It would probably be a good idea to share with him what you shared with us:
>I don’t even really care about getting a present or doing whatever he would have planned to do, I think it’s more the fact that he knew how disappointed I was and despite saying he felt terrible he obviously didn’t care enough to actually follow through
I would absolutely bring it up. I would do so by assuming he is not a liar. So, I would say, “I want to have a better idea of my schedule, when do you want to do my make-up birthday?”
You need to be honest with him about how this makes you feel. You can do this without being confrontational. Don’t let it turn into a fight, but also don’t let him get away with it so easy.
I’d ask him when he plans to make it up to you.