I realized at 32 I really don’t care for social events and if it was up to me, I wouldn’t attend social events at all.
I have autism and ADHD and I can’t stand being around people for long periods of time. Im a hardcore hermit and because autism really affects me, I don’t care for socializing anymore as an adult.
I have a fully remote job and I realized how much I dislike the office culture, commuting, and in general major cities.
I’m sorry for ranting but I don’t see the appeal of talking to people and quite frankly I’m over it.
27 comments
>I’m not sure what’s wrong with me
*proceeds to describe in detail what’s wrong*
That doesnt sound healthy but its your life.
Do you have friends, family, people you interact with on some social level (even if it’s online)?
i mean you’re autistic, dont autistic people naturally struggle with social situations? add to that you’re 32, an age where most of us are settling down. I was a social butterfly with countless social things in my 20s and even i have settled down lately and see small groups of friends instead of big parties
OK, but here you are talking to people about it.
If you really don’t like people and you have a job you can do over the Internet, you can take advantage of that and live in some remote, very inexpensive place by yourself.
There’s nothing wrong with you, you are just changing as most of us do. I’m an introvert, that is, I don’t prefer socializing just to socialize, but I’m not shy anymore.
And you don’t have to socialize if you don’t want to. I’ve been without friends for 30+ years, just me and the wife, and we are both happy. I talk to the neighbors sometimes, and talk to people at work, and that’s enough for me.
If you are happy, just be you. 🙂
Do you not enjoy it at all, or are you just more aware of your likes and dislikes and don’t want to waste time on things you don’t enjoy?
> as I get older
There’s your answer. Welcome to pre-middle age
Ha ha, wait until you’re 50.
Nothing wrong with not wanting to hang out with people who aren’t in your ‘tribe’. Your problem is not knowing who your ‘tribe’ is or where your ‘tribe’ hangs out, so you could join them. Other than get out there and find them, there’s not much advice to provide.
My friend there is nothing wrong with you, I understand how you feel even if I’d do like to socialize. Live the life the way you want to!
It works for some people. Assuming you have some libido I’ve seen this work well with open and poly relationships. Mostly as a secondary partner.
Still, you need to make plans for how things are going to go post retirement. Likely putting money into long term care plan.
The biggest thing is to have a daily routine that includes hygiene. Have things in your life you find fulfilling. Likely talk to a mental health professional now and then that has experience with this.
While I think autism might be a factor, people in general are tiring. The majority of people I interacted with do nothing but take. maybe 1/100 people would try to reciprocate efforts. There are very few who are kind and generous to their friends and strangers, and a lot of the time it feels like a fruitless struggle trying to find those people.
If you are at peace and are not plagued by loneliness then keep on keeping on my friend.
I’m not autistic, or ADHD, but I still hate being around people. There’s nothing wrong with you. You aren’t a hermit. You’re a house cat. There’s nothing wrong with being a house cat.
Nothing wrong with you. Just how some people are.
Socialising is overrated 😂 and tiring. I need a remote job man commuting 1.3 hours a day isn’t the one.
Nothing man your fine, life is short stop worrying about what society says you should do or be
I dont have autism or ADHD and I still feel this way. Hermit life ftw.
You know long long time ago when I was a teenager I had asked a random lady at school what was wrong with me as I tend to be quiet, reserved, and really only speaking when absolutely needed to. I thought something was wrong with me and that I should be more social, vocal, high energy and be around people 24/7 and hang out etc. ya know stuff associated with extroverts.
She looks over to me and just says “maybe that’s just who you are. Nothing wrong with it, some people are loud, some people are quiet, some are short, some are tall….maybe that’s just your nature but don’t think something is wrong with you just because you are not like the others.”
Decades later and still sticks with me like it was yesterday. And I am at peace with myself.
Meh… I began that stage in my mid 20’s… happy as can be in my 40’s!
It happens even to those who don’t have other issues that affect them. My wife and I and even a lot of our friends don’t have the desire to go out and be social. Like once every 6 months…then we have fun and say we should do it more often, then 6 months goes by again lol. When I was single, I used to be the most social butterfly always trying to do something and be around people. Now, I’m good at home watching whatever new series I can find and binge.
My eagerness to socialize is directly related to the kind of people i will socialize with. Ive found myself in shitty places where socializing with the locals is thoroughly unpleasant. But some other locations i just didnt want to be home at all because the locals were fun people to be around.
I think youre probably in a place where the people around you are just not fun to be around. Maybe what you need if you feel the need to socialize is a change in location.
The fact that you feel this and that humans are inherently social creatures tells me you have a deep need to socialize that your environment doesnt fill. Finding people similar to you would be a good place to start. Also socializing at work functions is pure torture to me.
Op, most of the people on here are not mental health experts. And many of them don’t understand autism and ADHD.
Please go talk to whoever your mental health professional is and seek guidance there. If you don’t have one, then please find one. They will give you (mostly) unbiased information with the intent of giving you the most healthy outcome for you.
I lean on the side of “people need people”, but I fully recognize that folks in your situation there may be other means or other needs that override that, or at least have to be struck in a balance.
I actually want to socialize, but each time I do, am reminded of how vile and cruel other people are, so I go back into my hole. Like the groundhog, I venture out every now and then to see if anything has changed. Nope, people still suck. Back into my hole.
There isn’t necessarily anything wrong with you. The real question is, are you happy?
I’m a happy hermit. Genuinely. I do not miss interacting with people on a daily basis. If that’s the case for you, that’s cool.
If you’re lonely, if you want interaction with others that you’re not getting, that’s a problem. But if you’re okay with where you’re at, that’s completely fine. Hermit away, dude.
I’m in my 40s and not autistic, but I do have ADHD with severe hyperfocus. And I’d honestly never leave the house if it wasn’t for my wife and a job. and honestly, I don’t really give a fuck. lol
and there’s nothing wrong with it in my opinion. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I absolutely love being at home, in the quiet and working on some project. I have 2 friends, yep only 2. and I have zero desire to make more and that’s just who I am.
So if you enjoy being at home there’s nothing wrong with that, it’s just who you are and people change over time, I wasn’t always such a hermit either. So don’t compare yourself to others and you do you however YOU want.
Now, if you WANTED to socialize and had some kind of mental block preventing it, then there’s probably an issue.
Nothing wrong with you. Middle-aged now, and I really can’t stand social settings. I’m happiest just being with my wife and our cats. I have a very small circle of friends now, and because of various reasons it’s hard to get together anymore. When I was younger I liked being social but not really anymore. Problem is now my job I have to be very “social” with people constantly (think low level government in person customer service) and by the weekend I’m burned out. Now I do things like car shows where I’ll interact with people, but can just chill by my car and people watch. My wife on the other hand is a social butterfly