F21, M27, together for 2 years, live together for 1.
Quick summary: I have been the one with a higher sexual drive for most of the relationship. Boyfriend’s sex drive seems to be coming back, but after almost a year of constant rejection and lack of interest from him and me feeling undesired, I’m the one who’s not in the mood anymore. Which sucks. Because I enjoy sex.
How do I get that “spark” back?
Full version in comments.
1 comment
Our sex life has always been a little rocky. He was my first boyfriend and sexual partner and I’ve always had some sort of aversion towards sex for some reason, so I wanted it less than him. 6 months into our relationship, I decided to put a hold on it to sort myself out, which lasted for about two weeks. I was in a much better headspace when we got back together and became hornier too. We were synchronized when it comes to sexual appetite from this point until after one month of living with him.
I used to go down on him 2 times a day on average because I genuinely loved it and I even got off solely because of that a few times, and when we’d have sex he’d always go down on me first until I came. I’d get all touchy touchy to show him I’m in the mood, most times he’d initiate himself out of nowhere, we’d have a lot of steamy sex, sometimes lots of positions, other times just a few, sometimes music.
Then he seems to have lost interest and treat sex like a chore. He’d never initiate, he’d reject my advances, we’d use fewer positions, spend less time, less touching and he’d rarely ever go down on me anymore. There were lots of excuses (and a couple of genuine reasons here and there too). I stayed horny, so all of this rejection and mediocre sex depressed me to the point I also seem to have lost my sexual appetite just recently. Sometimes just the thought that somebody loves me and wants to bang me would get me all excited, but now that I don’t feel desired anymore…
I’m not horny anymore, I could live without sex, when we do have it I want it to be over, it doesn’t feel as good as it used to, I’m not in the mood to blow him anymore, or to moan during sex (and I used to be *really* loud). And it’s sad because I LOVE(D?) sex.
We did discuss this a bunch of times and it would always get better for a couple of weeks before it was back to square one. Now I’m even more hurt and frustrated and I subtly suggested that we should part ways or at least open our relationship, which seems to have kickstarted something in him because he’s slightly more enthusiastic again. But after so much time spent waiting and being rejected and having mediocre sex, it’s just meh. Like I said in the previous paragraph, I don’t feel like doing the things I used to.