IDK. I know I’m not entitled to anything but like ugh
would be nice if I had some friends. Except not necessarily cause I hate small talk.
Just kinda sucks feeling left out and unwanted. been that way since childhood
like I just don’t know what to f\*\*\*ing do. It’s not the end of the world at all, but like still
Trying to improve myself and just be a better quality human. Because people are drawn to self sufficiency.
But like, I am also scared, I feel like I really shouldn’t want to improve my social life because its like
why.
Why do you want that so much you know? Its not essential to your survival, it’s not necessary for satisfaction. It’s not gonna pay your bills. Like stop. Stop complaining about it while simultaneously doing little to nothing to address it.
2 comments
Hey, I can’t offer any advice but I read your post and I’m sorry you’re struggling.
I relate 100%. I’m teetering between being angry/depressed at my nonexistent social life (and skills, which I don’t even work on), and feeling relived that I don’t have to upkeep relationships when they seem so, I don’t know, not good.
It’s like, improve your life and health by throwing yourself out there and make new friends! Also, completely ignore all your feelings of unworthiness, fear of intense crippling rejection, and dull the sensation of being in danger! Hurray to a “new you”!
I nope the hell out of everything for self preservation reasons, but regret the emptiness I know it brings. It’s all very confusing, but it all comes down to risk assessment and making YOU comfortable before stepping into the circle.
It’s true there’s some level of attraction with confidence and stability, but people can sense that underlying hope you have for connection…and for some reason, that scares us all. I think this is a result of living in a shitty society, but as members of said society, it’s not like we’re trying to make it better. We just want to be happy and get along without the pain. Which is impossible, because most things worth doing have some pain mixed in which makes the reward that much more satisfying.
I say that, and I still groan anyway. I don’t want it bad enough. Don’t know what I want.
Hope we figure this out, op.