Previous post: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/131kwz9/i_29m_want_to_break_up_with_my_wife_28f_of_one/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button.
So I informed my wife 2 weeks ago and that I was leaving the marriage and left our rented house then rented another for myself about 2 hours away. When I informed her of my intentions, she reacted like she expected it somewhat, she informed her dad immediately, and then broke down. She insisted that we could work things out, I didn’t, and still don’t. So her dad requested a meeting between him and I. I agreed and we met at a hotel. I explained clearly why I was ending the marriage and he simply asked me if my mind was mind up fully, I answered yes and we parted shortly after. Nothing out of the ordinary happened other than the conversation being tense, which was to be expected. After 2 days I got information that her dad was sick and was admitted in hospital because of stress related gastrointestinal problems. He was released after two days and recovered at home in a week’s time. Now my ex is sick from the same complications, and she’s worsening. I don’t know what to do. She doesn’t want to tell her dad because it’s make him sick again. I am afraid I can’t go back to nurse her as there’s a risk of falling back into a relationship I’ll never be happy in. She’s been calling my mum telling her how sickly she is and she insists on us meeting to work things out as it’s the “only thing that will make her better”. I know that if that happens I’ll only go back to being miserable again. I feel trapped and I really hate the position I am in. I feel guilty of her suffering. How do I deal with this? Is there anything I could do for her?
Tl:Dr; My wife got very sick after our breakup and I don’t know what to do.
3 comments
Know thyself. It sounds like you need to get out and stay out. She needs to rely on someone else. Protect yourself, your peace, and your future.
You made a decision and need to keep the boundaries strong. You shouldn’t have even met with her dad; you’re both adults and it’s yours to sort out not her father’s.
If you get drawn back in it will just make it harder to go next time. She is a grown up; she can handle her own health issues. This is more likely than not a manipulation to see if you’ll cave. So don’t.
Life has a tendency of doing things to test your resolve. However, we have some clear facts here that will not change regardless of the circumstances. One of those facts is that you were UNHAPPY in your marriage.
Now, guilt is based on two things:
1. you are RESPONSIBLE for what is happening to your wife and her family
2. you are NOT living up to your standards
Are either of the above true? Are you giving yourself more stress than is needed? You have absolutely nothing to do with their health issues and you have done NOTHING that would be morally substandard. Therefore, your guilty feeling is completely inaccurate. Take a deep breath, send them well wishes… move on with your life.