I’ve always been a shy person but not in the terms where it’s debilitating. However, I feel like I’m a bit anti-social, or at least I give of that aura. Not intentionally mind you, I just don’t talk when I don’t have to, don’t laugh when I don’t find something, or text/call without a reason for. My demeanor tends to be sort of watcher per say, I hang back behind people because I prefer to have everyone in line of sight. Plus, hanging back allows me to see how everyone is doing behavior wise. Either way, I’ve noticed most of my current friends are more close to each other than they are with me. They’ve built a bond between themselves, leaving me the odd one out. Honestly, it feels like they feel bad for me for some reason. To be fair, I tend to hide my true personality a bit, since I’ve had friends leave my life when they see it in all it’s glory. I’ve been told I’m a bit overbearing😅 I enjoy my current friend group, but I want to be closer to them and go beyond the acquaintance stage. So, the question is, do I change myself to fit what others see as normal, or do I stay the same way I am but let more of my actual self out? Also, thank you for taking time to respond, and I hope your day goes as great as it can.❤️❤️❤️
4 comments
Don’t ever change to be normal or change to be liked by others. Only change for yourself. If you want to be part of the group, you can’t hang back and watch the group. You’ll have to suspend that part of your nature and focus your energy on having empathetic and meaningful conversations and interactions.
Also, check out the concept of *hypervigilance* and see if that resonates with you.
As a fellow slightly antisocial introvert, I recently found that I can comfortably stay at my normal baseline chill (not talk much, no unnecessary excitement, no digging for conversation) and still create the ‘reality’ that I’m just as normal as the next person.
When you establish that this is simply how you are, people adjust. And the ones who don’t care for that generally leave on their own – and good riddance! I like my drama-free, peaceful vibes. And there’s something pretty nice about the times when I WANT to say or do a thing, people hang onto it because it’s not like I’m out here spitting bars every day. My golden nuggets here and there are all I need, and are all they should expect.
I change when there’s problems, not when others are a problem. But if you feel you can benefit from opening up more, that’s good change. But don’t go where you don’t want to go. You know your personality is cool. Share it naturally and get comfy with yourself. Be your own best friend first!
Damn I resonate with this post. I tend to not talk unless I have something to say and I feel like most times I prefer when other people start the conversations. Most times I can keep it going but there’s times where I can’t relate and I don’t know how to add to the conversation. My real personality starts to come out the more I’m comfortable with the person but I’m definitely more of an observer when I’m seeing people talk
Only change the aspects that YOU think are justifiably undesired.
Otherwise don’t change key parts of your personality or go out of your comfort zone to please others.