I F23 met M26 at a club. He approached me and we talked, then he asked for my contact.
This happened two weeks ago and we have been seeing each other 3-4 times a week since then.
He is very, very smart and i am not saying it cause we are in the honey moon phase. Not at all. Just stating facts. He also makes a lot of money, he’s in the trading and finance business.
We have perfect chemistry and i think we’re obsessed with each other.
I told him i have no contact with my dad on our first ‘date’. He asked questions and i vaguely told him how long its been, that he simply is a piece of shit & doesn’t care about me and that it doesn’t affect me in my life but its the most heartbreaking thing that happened to me.
He asked questions and i tried to not give too much info cause i don’t feel comfortable talking about it and i don’t want to open up tbh.
Days after he told me he likes being called daddy. And days after that he started saying stuff like “you need a man that protects you, sees u as the best thing in the world, thinks highly of u, respects u, wishes you the best, wants you really to thrive and succeed in life” “basically what a good father should do”
“I want you to feel safe with me.”
“I can feel the way you’re hurt and broken. I want to fix that. Even if i know i never will be able to really fix it but i want to try my best and come as close as possible.”
“Its so clear that you seek an assertive man and we know why. Luckily i am a good match”
I also like reeeeally rough bedtime and he has made comments about this being cause “i don’t have a relationship with my dad”. Also apparently me being independent and in general having a strong character was also a result of not having a great relationship with my dad.
He said all of this in separate occasions, so not everything at once. I may be forgetting some stuff but its all in the same category.
My answers to these things differs. Sometimes i ask him ‘why are u saying this, what makes u say this’ and he tells me he feels that its what i need / lacked. Or that he thinks i deserve the world. That it breaks his heart to know that i have to deal with not having my dad.
I try to change the subject and also make sure to tell him i don’t need anyone and i feel strong and protected on my own.
He replied by saying he knows i am strong but he still wants to be there for me.
Doesn’t it feel weird?
Besides these comments our situation is really great. Best sex ever. Best compatibility ever. Best everything tbh. We really connect so deeply and i like him. I know he likes me too. There is also this sick attraction we feel to each other which is almost scary.
While having sex he said something that disturbed me but i realized that just after we were done. There was an instance where he kept referring to himself as my “daddy” and he said stuff like “make daddy cum inside of u, good job ur making daddy happy” and we dirty talk all the time but not with daddy. I am not ok with that. I told him and he apologized.
But him talking about that just feels a bit weird. Why would he say this stuff? What does he mean by most of it? How does he think he can compare himself to a father figure?
Is he too into the situation?
I told him i don’t like him referencing my issues with my dad and he has since stopped. But it still left a strange taste in my mouth.
Tldr: guy i met always talks about my daddy issues lol and it feels weird
26 comments
Sounds like he’s been watching too much incest porn.
It’s clearly a fetish thing for him. We’ll see if he’s able to keep up with not bringing it up and if he does, if it changes the relationship.
I wish I was still Catholic so I could join a convent after reading this
Do you want to understand why he does it, or do you want him to stop? cause it doesn’t sound like he respects your traumatic experience. It sounds like he has a fetish and is objectifying you. He literally heard the most heartbreaking thing in your life and thought “that sounds hot.”
as someone also NC with her dad, let me tell you that if someone tried that shit in bed with me, after trying to psychoanalyze me to cater to their fetish, it would be OVER.
Yeah this guy is a creep who is trying to start up some kind of twisted power dynamic with you where you see him as a father figure and a sexual partner. He wants subservience and he gets off on it. Run.
>I also like reeeeally rough bedtime and he has made comments about this being cause “i don’t have a relationship with my dad”. Also apparently me being independent and in general having a strong character was also a result of not having a great relationship with my dad.
He cannot possibly be hot enough for you to put up with this. 😬
Honestly the really intense obsessive stuff seems like a bit of a red flag as well. The way you describe it sounds like it may be beyond normal honeymoon period stuff and into love bombing. Tread really carefully if you keep it going with him. Eyes wide and clear for further concerning behaviour. I don’t have a good gut feeling about this guy at all.
Is there a man shortage or something because this guy sounds like a creep with a fetish. I guess if you’re OK with being used like that it would work out.
It’s a fetish thing. You need to have a candid conversation with him about to what extent, if any, you’re willing to participate. And then see if he respects your boundaries. If he doesn’t, time to hit eject.
This guy is a massive creep. He’s negging you and very early in using language designed to make it sound like you need him, make you think he’s more than he is.
Honestly, fucking run.
He’s the one with all the daddy issues, not you.
His behaviour gives the impression of him having a very creepy fetish that has got far too intense and a brain that has overdosed on incest porn.
He will most likely attempt verbal reenactments of some of favourite porn scenes. Regardless of whether you consent or not.
At 26 this man even if he’s in finance can not possibly be wealthy or hot enough to put up with, note anyone with a credit score can pretend to be rich
This guy is a fuckin creep.
the list of quotes one after another are each incredibly manipulative.
I tell my partner I want to behave in a way that fosters an environment for them to feel safe – not make them feel safe.
No, he cannot fix hurt and broken people, *and you are not broken*. Framing you as broken frames him as the rescuer and savior, which creates a debt where he feels you owe him – and if he says it enough, he gets you to buy into it too.
Stating how you feel, stating the reason why (according to HIM), and then automatically presenting himself as the solution?? I want to laugh in his face. Cruelly. In mockery.
A good deal of the “sick attraction” is that he is saying shit that breaks you down and then puts you back together – but you’re only “whole” only because you’re with him.
EVERYTHING he’s saying, what goes unsaid is “without me, you remain broken and hurt. I’m who can give you the world, since you were abandoned. It will be difficult for you to find a good match if you leave me, so you best stick with me.
You pushed back. He’s smart, so he’s shut his mouth. However he will find a different angle to come at you to break you down. Notice how methodical he was with the most heartbreaking thing that ever happened to you? Every piece of information this man is trusted with gets filed into that brain of his for him to analyze and strategize where he can best use it to his advantage in a way that doesn’t make him lose the “sick attraction” you feel to him.
Fucking *run*.
Nope nope nope. He’s getting off on your trauma. No matter what you say or explain to him, he will find it hot instead of feeling sympathy or empathy. I promise you, it will only get worse. Not only that, but he’ll chip away at your self-worth and look down on you. I promise you that there are much better people out there. Even being single is better than a guy like that. Keep your strength and independence alive
I couldn’t even read the whole thing because of how icky it felt.
Sorry but I don’t think this guy is good news in the long run. He’s already taking advantage of the power dynamic and undermining your abilities. Your partner should uplift your self confidence/power/independence.
If there’s ever real conflict in the relationship or you have an opinion he could easily backtrack and say ‘well you’re wrong because you’re inexperienced compared to me/don’t have a father figure”
That’s what happened to me at least with a guy like this. 🤢 Don’t know about you, but he just seems like he has underlying intentions from what I read.
He is creepy as fuck.
What other tastes has he left in your mouth? DB
Unfortunately, there are such people who seek out individuals who have “troubled” issues with their parents. It stems from social media/pop culture romanticizing the idea. They tend to think it means you’re “crazy” and you’ll be “crazy in bed”.
Such men will go for women with “daddy issues”.
Such women will go for men with “mommy issues”.
Your daddy issues are that this dude wants to be your daddy.
umm he’s a creep. Tell him to beat it.
You can’t recognise it but this guy is a piece of shit in the same way your Dad is. He is just a younger version of him. Run.
To me it just sounds like he thinks he knows it all, maybe wants to impress you with his knowledge of trauma to prove that he can help. I’d be careful moving forward but could just be innocent
I read all his quotes in Will Arnett’s voice.
No other comments, just think about if you want to date a guy like Bojack Horseman and/or GOB from Arrested Development.
1. Just because a person makes a lot of money does not make them ‘Smart’. Do not put people on a pedestal just because they have financial success in their work.
2. You don’t have Daddy issues, this is just his fetish. He is trying to push you into it. You are obviously NOT into it.
This guy is not smart or as perfetas you think. It’s ok to have Kinks, like wanting to be called Daddy. However, a ‘smart and good person’s would talk to you about those kinks and make sure your comfortable and on board with it. They would NOT try and tear down your self image to make you try and believe that you **need** them there to protect you, and be a big strong man for you.
Your boyfriend is just trying to make you fit into his sexual kink. Without having an honest conversation with you.
Just yuck. If you are into it cool, but if it grosses you out as much as it does me, say so. You have known him a whopping two weeks. Honeymoon phases don’t have issues like this.
Seriously you shared personal info and he looked for your perceived weak spot and latched on. He is not a keeper, he’s a creeper.
>But him talking about that just feels a bit weird. Why would he say this stuff?
Sounds to me like being a daddy dom is his kink, which is something he should have discussed with you before bringing it into the bedroom. Fetish play, like anything else, should be consensual and everyone involved needs to be comfortable with it. Trying to just make that sort of dynamic happen without your consent is gross.