I’m not sure if this is the correct place to post this.
I’m a 25-year old female who has never orgasmed. I’m not a virgin due to an old friend raping me but I’ve never had consensual sex. The idea sounds painful. Whenever I even think about having an orgasm it just sounds like it burns. I feel as if i would have no control over my body. I don’t masturbate because I don’t know how. I’ve never tried. I only touch down there to clean and make sure I’m healthy. I don’t ever wanna have sex because I don’t like the sound of a penis slamming into my vagina because that also sounds painful and uncomfortable. Sexual intercourse sounds like a waste of time to me. I work two jobs and go to school and I just wanna focus on that while I’m young. But it’s also very embarrassing for me hanging out in social spaces at work and school when condos get NSFW and people younger than me are talking about threesomes and orgies. I just lie and say I’ve had many partners but of course I haven’t. I’ve only ever had sex once and that was my rape which I also believed made me dislike the idea of sexual intercourse. I don’t wanna orgasm because I don’t feel like setting my clit on fire so how do I get over this embarrassment and enjoy my orgasmless self?
4 comments
I’m sorry that happened to you. The trauma from your SA is stopping you from even wanting to experience it so I think dealing with that is the first necessary step. The embarrassment I don’t think will be enough to force you to do something that you only have negative feelings around. I’m not therapist but it seems like you’d have to slowly work on being able to associate positive thoughts with sex, then be able to explore your body alone, before working up to letting other people in. Therapy is probably the best suggestion I could give. Good luck. ❤️
It took me until a year ago at 27, made a post about it on becoming orgasmic which is a subreddit that might help you as well. I do wish you the best of luck with everything.
First off, i’m very sorry that guy did this to you. In my opinion that doesn’t have to mean you’re not a virgin anymore. To me loosing your virginity implies it was consensual. It differs from person to person, especially when we go out of the heterosexual space. So you can define it however you want. Secondly, masturbation doesn’t hurt nor does an orgasm. It feels good and while it is often described as loosing control, if let’s say there was some sort of emergency that happened right as you orgasm you would still be able to react. It doesn’t paralyse you. Sex also doesn’t hurt, it can in the beginning depending on the size of the penis. For me it always takes a few seconds to asjust to my boyfriend but then it feels really good. It’s not a waste of time because i enjoy doing it. That of course doesn’t mean everyone has to have sex. If you’re on the asexuality spectrum for example you don’t have to push yourself to do it just because others do it. As for the fire sensation, is that the feeling you got when you were raped? You don’t have to answer, i just thought that’s were it might come from. Friction down there does feel like “fire” or like rug burn when you’re not wet. But if you’re having consensual sex you will be wet and there is no burning sensation. It can happen that you’re not wet enough, due to age, because you’ve been at it too long, hormones or just because your body just decided to have an off day. In that case you can use lube. It’s not shameful and extremely common to use it because it really avoids friction burn.
You aren’t alone!
I’m in my early thirties, and I couldn’t orgasm until recently. I was put off by the descriptions of overwhelming sensations and being out of control. I also didn’t enjoy sex for a long time because I had a vulva pain issue (vestibulodynia). It’s been a long journey to discover sexual pleasure.
I think that should be normalized. Not everyone is on the same timeline, and not everyone is interested in sex.
Do you have anyone in your social circle who would understand that you can open up to?