My (26M) boyfriend will deliberately do things that annoy me (23F) all the time no matter how much I show that it’s not funny anymore. He’ll keep going for like 15 minutes straight until I just stop entertaining him then we just won’t talk for like 30 minutes then he’ll try to talk normal again.Also he’ll have random moments where we’re just being playful then he’ll say some stuff that feels like he’s felt it for years and suppressed it like “oh you don’t cook,clean, you eat terrible, you need medication to keep your skin clear and lose weight.” And rarely ever do I feed into it but it feels so gross when he pulls all of that out from no where. How should I go about addressing this or could there be something underlying?
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Yikes, sounds like he’s not taking you or your needs seriously. If he’s willing to work on things maybe there’s a chance but in my experience people like that have a very messed up idea of what love is.
He’s not taking you seriously. And that’s underlying enough. Try having a serious talk with him. If he can’t acknowledge how you’re feeling or continues? Then maybe it’s time to deliberately dump his ass
I would communicate how you feel to him and see how he reacts. If he respect you, then he’ll stop or be mindful about it. If he doesn’t then it’ll show. The best you can do for yourself is communicate with him about how upsetting it makes you feel. And then based on the response, you can decide if you want to continue the relationship. Sometimes guys can be oblivious to “signs” (like you showing that it’s not funny anymore), and you just kind of have to spell it out for them. (Not all guys but from my experience, I’ve had to spell out how I feel and that communication in itself solves a lot of relationship conflicts)
So his good moods are annoying you to death until you break, and his bad moods are berating and browbeating you about your habits and appearance.
What do you see in this guy again? Sounds like a loser.
If someone deliberately tries to upset you, humiliate you, or hurt you, it’s time to leave. Even if it’s a joke. My ex only offered me the ugliest shirts in his closet to wear after I stayed the night because he thought it would be funny to see me walking around in something hideous in public. I should have left then and there because all he did was waste my time, and it was the first sign of immaturity. He ended up not appreciating me. You are young. Don’t waste your time on an idiot.
Why are you dating a 26 year old man with the emotional development of a 9 year old boy?
Seriously, my nephew outgrew acting like that about 5 years ago.
Kick to kerb.
Why do you think you can address this with him specifically? When you address a problem with another person, you do so for the other person to realize that this is bothering you (in the case they didn’t know before because we’re all different) and for the other person to change because they care for you. People who love other people, treat them with respect and want to make them happy, and they might not notice they’re doing something annoying to the other person, but will stop when a person they love and respect, tell them to stop. This man is doing all of this on purpose, you told him to stop presumably, and he continues. This means he doesn’t respect you and he doesn’t care for you. It’s your turn to stop: the entire relationship. He will no change because for him you are just not important and he doesn’t have respect for you. What you need to change, is the entire man, for another, not him.
Love is not random connection. It is an active process, and it’s clear that he’s actively hurting & upsetting you.
https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/qkrq2r/ops_boyfriend_keeps_telling_her_she_smells_bad/
Seems like he’s taking a leaf out of this jackass’s book.
Get out now before you waste any more time. He’s disrespectful and your feelings don’t matter. Do you want to have your self-esteem run into the ground with all the hurtful comments? Do you think it will be different in a year or five? He is supposed to be building you up and not constantly tearing you down. He may be the one with the self-esteem issue and is trying to pull you down to his level.
Messing with someone’s head, and putting them down? It’s often used to weaken someone, to make them easier to control.
You address this by dumping his ass. You don’t need to be settling for an emotionally immature man child who intentionally upsets you, cannot discuss issues properly and thinks it’s acceptable to criticise you for a medical issue that effects your skin and weight. You’re 23, do you really see a future that involves putting up with this treatment for the rest of your life?
It’s time to get a new boyfriend. I’m being serious too.
Dump him. He is cruel to you because he’s bored and seeks entertainment. This is a horrible quality in anyone, especially a partner. Dump him yesterday.
Why would you stay with someone so hateful?
Why would you stay with a dick like this guy?
Your SO is supposed to be someone who makes you feel happy and safe.
“Are you trying to provoke a fight because you want to break up but you don’t know how? It’s okay, you don’t have to make me hate you to break up. Just tell me if you don’t want to be with me anymore”
That gives him an open opportunity to examine his feelings without judgement to see if that was his motivation, but it also signals in a non confrontational way to him that his behaviour is unacceptable if he wants an ongoing relationship
Are you kidding?? How do you address it?? You dump this immature shit!!!!!
You can address this by…. leaving. He doesn’t respect you. He thinks it funny to antagonize you. And he thinks it’s okay to tear you down. So you pack your bags and ask if there’s a “Welcome” sign on you. Then, when he looks confused say “oh, I didn’t think so. I’m not a doormat for you to rub your feet on any longer.” Then, exit stage right or left (depending on the direction of your door). Determine how much damage he has done by consistently pushing you down, Determine who you are. Find out what makes you happy. Join a gym if you need to ( not that I believe his words were true). Make a list for your idea partner (not too soon though, heal) and never settle for anything less. Because girl, there are over 8 billion people in this world, and you’re allowing this one (just 1), which has you second-guessing yourself and damaging your self-esteem.
He’s trying to make you break up with him. Really. So do it. You don’t need that shit, no one does. I wish I had learned that lesson sooner in my own life.
Don’t give chances or benefit of the doubts.
Run like hell and don’t look back.
He is running psychological game, he’s damaged. Don’t let it damage you by staying.
If you’re smart, you go about it by telling him to fuck his face and his sister and then block him on everything.
He’s not a nice person