I [25F] had a conversation with my friend [27F] tonight and I felt extremely judged by her because I was having sex with this guy casually. I also communicated that I was exploring my sexuality (newly came out as bisexual) and wanting to have more partners and try out more of my kinks (BDSM, voyeurism, menage a trois, gang bangs, etc.) since I’m no longer in a committed relationship.
She’s never been in a relationship till recently and never had sex before but all of a sudden I feel she’s been condescending with feeling superior for being in a committed relationship. The way she talks to me conveys very traditional values that I never judged her for like I believe in a women’s right to choose what to do with her own body and interests.
But now after this conversation she has me questioning what I’m doing with this fwb situation and my want to explore my sexuality. I want to talk to her about sex and our sex lives but I don’t want to feel constantly judged or end up being lectured about “finding the one” and waiting to find the right person to do it with, etc.
3 comments
Look, everyone’s got their own values and beliefs, even when it comes to relationships and sex. But that don’t mean her views are better than yours. You’re all about women’s rights and owning your body and interests, and that’s legit. You never judged her for having more traditional values, so she shouldn’t be judging you either.
If you wanna talk about sex and your sex lives, you should be able to do that without feeling constantly judged or getting a lecture on finding “the one.” Maybe you can sit her down and straight up tell her you need her support and understanding without the judgmental vibes. Let her know you value her friendship, but you also need her to listen and respect your choices.
And hey, don’t forget that your desires and experiences are valid. You don’t need to conform to someone else’s expectations or wait for the “right” person. You do you, girl, and embrace your exploration and pleasure.
If she keeps being all judgy and condescending despite your efforts, you might wanna think about whether this friendship is really worth it. Surround yourself with people who accept and respect you for who you are, without all that negativity. You deserve friends who lift you up, not bring you down.
Hey I have newly come out as being bi as well!! I really hope you can explore those kinks 🙂
Just take her opinion with a grain of salt. I hope your fwb is amazing in bed!
Your friend has an inferiority complex about being a late bloomer. She’s shitting on your relationships to make herself feel better about her life.
The simple answer is don’t talk to her about sex ever again. At this point it’s not of her business.