So a few months ago I had a huge fight with my boyfriend, which was the result of many times I felt disrespected by him, his families and friends. We have since worked through many of our issues and are continuing to work on others.
One of the ways I am copying with this whole family and friends situation is by putting boundaries. Now, I am not allowed to express my feeling to any of them due to them being sensitive and not good at taking criticism, whatever. I dont really care about them as long as they dont get themselves involved in my personal matters. I have already gone NC with his SIL and I am LC with the rest of his family, excluding some members, who have always been open to healthy communication and I feel like are people I can resolve things in a civilized manner with no hard feeling after.
Another boundary I have set, is limiting the content his family and some of his friends have access to, on my social media. I use tik tok alot, I like to document my day and upload and have a private account for just some close friends and family. I recently removed his mother from it and one of his female frienda who I know has been making comments about whatever I upload to him and most of the times she just makes fun of whatever I upload.
I also like to use Instagram and upload stories on there. I do have a close friends list, where I upload just random things from my day, but only 20 of my good friends and one of my sisters are there. I used to also have his female friend( we used to all go out together a lot, so I considered her my friend), but she got removed for the same reason. I have also hidden my main stories from all of his family members and friends. I upload many phycology quotes, memes etc on there, nothing from my daily life. I found out from my boyfriend that regularly many of his family members will ask him, why I upload this and that and sometimes they will ask if I am ok or if we are fighting. His female friend would also regularly send him my stories (when we were fighting) and just use them as an excuse to start a conversation on group chats and slander my name.
Recently, this same friend realised that I had removed her from tik tok and also hidden my stories and has been asking him about it. So he is now pressuring me to add her again, telling me I am being petty and that he wont allow her to say anything mean about me again. I just feel its unfair that I have to go back on my boundaries, that make me feel safe, in order to keep the peace between him and his friends.
I just dislike her so much to be honest and have made it clear to him, and the only reason I allow her to go out with us from time to time is because she is now dating his best friend and he is such a nice guy that wanted a relationship for so long, so I just dont want to cause him any troubles. But now I feel like not even doing that and I am just worried that I would enforce a boundary just to be petty. Anyone else has ever dealt with secret online harassment and how did you resolve this? I just dont get why everyone will act all nice in front of my face only to be like this when I am not there.
tl;DR! – How should I deal with my boyfriend wanting me to remove the social media boundaries I have put in place, for his family and friends that keep talking negatively, about what I upload, behind my back. What other solution is there apart from removing them from my social media and hiding my storied?
7 comments
What is this stuff you’re uploading? Are you venting about your relationship problems in your tiktoks, when you’re having fights and such?
He cannot control how his friends and family react to what you post and neither can you. The best solution is to keep them blocked. Nobody is entitled to access your social media. No further discussion is necessary.
You have the right to post whatever you feel on your own social media accounts and also have the right to choose who to share it with. That said, you mention how his friend would bring up stories etc during times you were fighting with BF and that leads me to believe you do post directly about or passively about conflict in your relationship, which is certainly your prerogative but can definitely create issues as your seeing. Maybe there could be another outlet for your frustrations rather than social media, maybe a journal?
Ugh I just got tired by reading all of this and yet you are living it. Btw I’m not absolving you of any blame, you are part of whatever is going on.
Just have a private account for every social media, you may exclude your bf from it too (lol) but probably that’s just gonna add more weirdness to this mess.
I’m gonna be a bit more blunt in your favor: You do not have to explain anything to anyone unless you are one hundred percent toxic about it, which is not the case imo. They can deal with however you like the way you run your social media or they can gtfo, first and foremost your boyfriend. Not saying to dump him by any means because that phrase has just become a parody of itself, but have a more serious and firm talk about it. Stand your ground.
Sooo, I gotta ask… did you mean that you post “psychology” quotes? Phycology is the study of algae and I am really curious if you have the line on some deep algae insights.
I think the major issue here is that your boyfriend is choosing to be in conversation about your social media with his friends and family. The related issue is that you are electing to be in conversation with him about that choice. “Boyfriend, please just stop talking with them about my social media. If somebody brings it up with you, just say, ‘Girlfriend’s social media is all her. Any questions or concerns, you gotta take to her.’ And let’s leave it at that for you and me, too. You don’t really want to spend our dinners talking about who does or doesn’t follow me on Instagram, do you?”
What I would also do, though, is stop sharing quotes about relationships on your instagram because anybody who sees it, friend or foe, will think you’re posting about your own relationship. That’s just how that works.
As a botanist, I love phycology quotes