Hi everyone!
I just broke up with my bf of 4 years and my heart is breaking. I feel like I can’t breath.
The reason I broke up with him is him not accepting my boundaries. 3 month ago he broke a major boundary of mine regarding drugs, didn’t really see reason and I basically needed to explain to him why it was not ok to do that. This situation already broke my trust in him.
Fast forward to now. He started quite often saying negative and judgmental things about my country without trying to understand the background of why things are the way they are. I am currently finishing my education and did not had the energy to explain it to him.. I communicated really clearly for him to please stop as it was making me uncomfortable. A pretty simple boundary: please stop.
His reaction was arguing why is viewpoint is justified and if those statements make me uncomfortable then I should stop listening or delete his messages regarding that and I couldn’t tell him what to say or what not to say. During the moment I truly felt like in a comedy show where u get played for fun. His expectation was for me to change my discomfort that he caused.
Something in me just broke and I immediately broke up with him without thinking about it. It just felt like the right decision. His reaction was basically none “ok if that is your decision”. Completely emotion less.
Now I absolutely feel horrible and my heart hurts so much. I absolutely don’t understand why he is acting like this, as this has never happened before in this degree or maybe I was too blind to see.
I just want this heartbreak pain to go away.
4 comments
You are so strong.
Don’t you dare spend one more minute on this person that isn’t right for you. The right one will be coming.
It hurts so bad, because you bent so much to try to make it work, and he didn’t. You gave more than you got.
Cut your losses and move on. Cry, drink, write, whatever… but know you will not bend so far again.
Remember strong people rise from the ashes … and you’re strong , always keep your heads up , surround yourself with friends and friends, read a books or exercise, all that will distract you from thinking about the break up .
Break ups suck. That’s just how it is. But just remember that it isn’t him that you miss. It is probably the idea of what he could have been that you miss and sometimes feeling lonely in general makes you view a person in a much better light than you should. I’m not even saying he is a bad person or anything but it sounds like you weren’t compatible.
I was in a 2 year relationship. Then I was in a 4 year relationship and I had about 10 small relationships in between before I met my wife. Each break up sucked. Because when you invest in something that fails, it always sucks. Don’t lose perspective though. There are Millions of guys out there so the odds of finding one that makes you happier are in your favor. Never waste time being hung up on one that didn’t work out. Put all of your focus into finding the next one. Whenever I was going through a tough break up, I usually felt better like as soon as I started seeing someone else because a lot of it was missing the feeling of being with someone, not specifically being with my ex. Go see who else is out there. You have way more options than you think.
This is the worst part. Everything gets better with time – you can make it! If he’s unwilling to consider your feelings, there’s no reason to be with him. You’re strong and you can make it on your own!