How do men adjust to women going through perimenopause? Or how much is understood?

14 comments

1. He sounds like an asshat. Lube can feel different, just gotta experiment to find one that your body likes and he likes too. A lot of silicone based ones feel too slippery and unnatural. Try a water based and get a new bf.

2. I consider this as a normal part of life, just like men have their own problems. I’m 42, my wife 43. When this happens we’ll sort it out together with doctor’s help. No big deal.

3. Understanding basic functionality of our bodies – including how they change as we age – is part of the normal responsibilities of being an adult human.

   Yes, lube feels a little bit different, but it’s also normal to need it occasionally, more so in middle age and later. Also, every brand uses a different blend of lubricant ingredients, so try a few to find one you like better.

   Speaking of finding something you like better, your bf is an idiot on (at least) two fronts: (1) he doesn’t understand basic characteristics of perimenopause, and (2) he’s interpreting your physiology as being all about him.

4. Men adjust by accepting the women are aging like they are just in different ways

   Personally as I’m 50 now I say nothing but words of encouragement, go harder on the foreplay and warm up as that that helps (both of us, I get a breather as well)

   Then I belly laugh and say, “next time my dick dies or decides its staying home, you now know it has nothing to do with you

   Welcome to middle age ”

   I just blast it off with humour

   I’m not one to decide who and what constitutes a “man” but I’d expect that response and lack of awareness from a boy or a selfish partner

5. I’ve used lube with partners ever since I had a sex life. It’s not often but hell, sometimes it just happens. Lube isn’t insulting.

   I think a lot of men try to be understanding. But that doesn’t really matter. What matters is how your man reacts and if you two can communicate about it.

6. Tell him to stfu 😂 tell him, what he’s doing isn’t making you excited, he’s a guy time to learn, getting mad at you is just childish

7. You appear to be dating an idiot.

8. Change the person that you are seeing.

   Adding to that lube always makes it better even if the women is not dry. Those who know, know.

9. Just another of the many reasons why I only date younger women.

10. Plenty of women (and men!) regularly use lube for various reasons. That’s hardly an issue. Do whatever makes sex better for you. I recommend hybrid lubes (silicone/water).

11. Yes, artificial lube feels different from what a body naturally produces.

    >Are most men understanding of these changes?

    I don’t know about being understanding of them, but I can say that a lot of men don’t have an understanding of those changes until they have to learn about them because their partner is going through them.

12. WTF. My wife told me 20 years ago that her moisture level was not always tied to her interest level. We use lube every time, even when it’s clear we don’t need to. There have been enough times where it wasn’t as wet as I thought and she hurts a little bit for a few days, which means no sex for a few days. So I am damn sure to use lube every single time. Even bought a fancy looking soap dispenser to put in on the nightstand so I wouldn’t have to dig through a drawer in the heat of the moment.

13. JFC… He sounds like a bundle of laughs……. I generally don’t like to spend time with people who use anger to control a situation. It gets very tiring.

    I’d argue that a rational human understands that people change over time. It’s a complicated situation and this stuff happens. But I don’t know what the solution or answer is tbh.

14. I feel like this type of response stems from 2 things: 1. Ignorance; 2. Insecurity.

    Could be one &/or both. But it’s going to be on him to overcome it.