Women who grew up in a very religious household, how is your current relationship to sex and intimacy ?

41 comments

  2. just fine. but im one of the few. all my friends from hs are into drugs, cheating and weird shit etc. religion messes w your head

  6. I got out of the cult when I was 16. I took my 20s to work through my childhood trauma to include the trauma I had from religion. I’m in my 40s and my relationship to sex and intimacy has been good now for the last 10 years or so.

  7. Recently i was watching web series where the female lead explores herself (indulging in casual sex , clubs). But i want to ask do this series show only one side ? Because i think the long term effects can be loneliness and adverse effect of mental health.

    I am in early 20s, so i dont know which culture is correct . like my mom has already told me to stay away from such stuff( premarital sex,clubs ) because they will ruin my character. According to her, only bad girls will do it . But colleagues have been indulging in them.

    Is there anyone who went through same stage in early 20s. What is the correct path? I dont want to betray my parents and bring shame to them. But i am also confused when I see my friends saying there is nothing wrong in that.

    I made a post regarding this. want ur views, which path is correct.

  9. Fine. Of course, my life might have been different than other religious households. There was the no sex until marriage, but my parents also discussed sex education. I was able to see through my parents marriage what I thought worked and didn’t worked and used that info for my future self.

  10. I was raised by very Catholic parents but in a rather progressive/urban European setting and with a progressive priest. I would still consider it very religious, since I was an altar boy and went to mass every week, sometimes several times a week. Weirdly I’m just fine. Never had issues with masturbation or premarital sex. I didn’t feel guilty or morally wrong and these topics were simply never brought up in a religious context – neither by my parents nor at church nor at denominational religion lessons at school. My parents made it clear that they don’t approve of hookups but that was more about what is “proper” from a class/culture stand point and there wasn’t really a spiritual dimension attached to it (tough it was obviously connected to their catholicism and I sure could have done without the slut shaming…). Since I wasn’t interested in casual sex for other reasons (see below) that didn’t affect me all that much, though. I recognize that this is not a typical experience but I wanted to share it nonetheless.

    I had much bigger issues caused by my secular classmates’ sexually charged bullying that made me very ashamed of my physical appearance – I felt like a hairy, undesireable ugly monster. It took me until my mid twenties to get over it and let a man see me naked. I have a pretty great healthy/kinky sex life though, right off the bat once I got over my body-shame. Self exploration and opening up sexually to my boyfriend without religiously charged shame definitely helped me being more comfortable with myself and getting into a healthy intimare relationship with my then boyfriend now husband.

  11. I became an atheist at 12, realized I am bisexual at 14, had at 17 a bf (where I was very toxic gf) and lost my virginity at 18 when I was with the school in another country with a boy who was 19. Since then we have a pretty chill sex life as if we are gf and bf but are actually not. We just give the love and affection one would want from someone. We both don’t want relationship so its pretty cool everything between us. I am more interested in getting a girl sex friend bc I never did much with a girl unlike with boys and it just so happens that my male sex partner might know a girl who wouldn’t mind it doing with a girl any time(she is lesbian). My mom only knows about my male sex friend but not that I like girl too bc that would make her teach me a lesson about” do you really think you like girl???” and stuff

  12. Very very active. I think once I was allowed to explore my sexual side I went crazy.

  13. I used to think that I was raised very religious because my father was a pastor but he has always been pretty liberal and open to my sister’s and I finding different paths outside of religion and within different religions. My girlfriend on the other hand was raised Mormon and was actually much more religious than me. Now she’s a cat girl with a high sex drive and a very fulfilling sex life. Also we’re gay.

  14. It’s getting better after a lot of therapy and patient partners.

    Still kinda blows my mind when I can turn down sex without blowing up the relationship.

  15. It doesn’t matter what others say or do. Only what feels right for you matters. Many people are driven by hormones & a reaction to new freedom to experiment. We are naturally meant to do this so that we procreate. If you personally do or don’t, fine.
    I do recommend a little experience before marriage, just because you will be less likely to feel pressure to marry just to get that connection. You also learn if someone is sexually compatible in the marriage bed. I know people who went years in marriages without any sex. That is unthinkable to me because I know what joy they missed out on. I would have noped out day one, not 10 or 20 years later when hope of finding a good partner is drastically lower.
    You also will have experience in getting to know yourself. Just make sure you always use condoms and go with a very caring partner or another virgin your first time. But make sure your partner does not rely on porn to guide his behavior. Porn is absolutely awful at showing a loving experience. Even a loving man can do harm if that is how he learned. The only way to know is to talk. Get comfortable talking about it. Watch “Game of Thrones”. They show the bad and good. You don’t want to be Khaleesi on her wedding night.

  16. I think my virginity makes me pure, and I don’t want to lose it unless is someone I love and have a future with.

    This only applies to me tho

  18. I guess my household would qualify as “very religious” to anyone who isn’t religious, but we weren’t fundie Christian or anything like it. I had a kind of “eh” level of sex ed, mostly educated myself, went to the purity conferences as a teen, but honestly never really had any fear or shame associated with sex. If anything I think practicing abstinence made me very open about sex and caused me to value it deeply. I was also always very theologically-minded and read a lot about the theology of sex and how it tied into my faith and its purpose, and that made a serious impression on me. I was a virgin until 28 when I got married, haven’t had any issues at all with my husband other than the general learning curve. I’m glad I chose to wait, but I do acknowledge my experience was probably not typical of many other religious women. Really not sure what the difference was for me and why I managed to avoid the sexual shame route, but hoping I figure it out before my daughter is born!

  19. Excellent! I have a stronger sex drive than him and he is a very giving partner and doesn’t like to stop until I’ve climaxed

  20. I took virginity too seriously nd also now afraid of intimacy 💁‍♀️

  21. I grew up Catholic, I still want to save sex for marriage just because it makes life a whole lot simpler. I definitely look forward to having sex with the right person someday though. I’m not afraid of it or anything😂

  22. Pretty good. I am a bit more sexually conservative in some areas. I don’t like to talk about sex openly unless it’s with a partner. Most of my friends are rather open. I also do care about people’s relationships and how many people they’ve been with.

    But with a partner I can talk openly about sex and what I want and like and std tests etc. I will say that this is in spite of religion, not because of it. I enjoy sex but I consider it private.

  23. It’s great. With my husband It’s been wonderful but my exes, not so much.

  24. Growing up, my parents were completely against premarital sex, abortion and contraceptive. To me, being against all of those things was hypocritical, especially since my parents got married because my mom was pregnant. This was in 1988, so it makes some sense.

    I had to relearn and make myself understand that my sexual partners, or lack of, did not correlate to my worth as a person. I don’t think I’m a prude, but I also prefer to be sexually intimate with someone I know well and really like, I’m not one for random hookups because that’s just not who I am. I think premarital sex is not a big deal. The biggest thing is that it is the person’s choice on what they want to do. I also think it’s good to experiment and to find out what you like, whether with someone else or by yourself.

  27. I grew up religious but within religious where women are respected so I love sex and intimacy.

  28. Awesome, not because of my awkward stupid parents of course.

    Luckily my husband made me, for the first time in life, feel comfortable about touching awkward subjects like this.. we talked about a lot of different things and everything and I realized that he was a very straightforward and chill minded person.. by writing this I realize he was probably the first person I ever felt safe with during my whole life in all aspects.. mentally, physically, emotionally, I fell in love with him in so many different levels and something just “clicked” 🥰

    Through his eyes I realized.. “wow, this topic is not a seven-headed-monster..”. Just the way he spoke about things made me naturally relax, be logical and cut the non-sense brainwash my parents had successfully inputted on me

    That song with the thought of “I wanna marry him” made things easy!

    Now I really enjoy it, I am pretty horny all the time, love trying new things and bring open about it. I’m always letting him know how hot I think he is and whenever I want to go for it :3

  29. I was raised in a Christian home, and still am. I think when I was allowed to explore my sexual side, I went off the deep end and went crazy. Now, I think I just want to tone it down it bit, now that I am single.

  31. None existing and desperately craving for some hugs or anything, but my emotional/mental state will not let me crave any intimacy with anyone that’s not my partner.

  32. Terrible. I have trouble viewing myself as a sexual being and it affects my sex life. I want men to see me as a sexy woman but I can’t behave in that way without cringing. It’s a huge internal battle I have

  34. Speaking for myself, here.

    I no longer practice religion, and I’ve discovered that I’m aro-ace. While biology inconveniences me with high libido 2-3 days per month, I’m not romantically or sexually attracted to any guy. The act of sex is a purely physical and pleasurable release, but nothing more.

    If I do experience intimacy with a guy, it will be with someone I truly care about and respect. Otherwise, I’m content to abstain and happy with it.

  35. I look for sex rather than intimacy. I have a hard time communicating because i grew up not speaking about most things because they were “bad” and thought i would get in trouble. I have a lot of work to do to undo things that have become natural instincts because of how i was raised when they are normal and natural.

  37. A little weird. In general I would consider myself sex positive, I don’t have an issue discussing it with my friends. I don’t agree with many of the things I was taught about sex when I was growing up. I haven’t experienced casual sex but I don’t think it would be something I would enjoy. I do think my upbringing has made it harder for me to engage in sex the way I want to without feeling self conscious even though I know there is no reason to feel that way.

  38. Raised strict RC. I left that perverted organisation at the earliest opportunity and I ignored the rubbish they spouted.

  39. In relation to my religious upbringing, my relationship with sex and intimacy is totally fine. Otherwise, it’s both bad and nonexistent. My issues stem more from my own insecurities, negative body image, and general lack of self esteem which religion had nothing to do with. Then again my family was and I currently am considered religiously “progressive”

  40. It’s dogshit.

    It’s not just that I’m inexperienced, but every time we try to have sex I constantly have to fight my anxiety coming from my severe self image problems. I also always fear that whatever I do will just mess things up, so it’s very very hard for me to get going. And even then I still have to fight my fear of being touched intimately.

    I’m an ex jehovah’s witness btw, that shit is impossibly damaging.

  41. It’s great!

    My relationship with my parents, religion and the idea of god is really really bad

    * I was raised in a baptist household that was almost cult like, and was shamed for even having my own opinion or reading. I did all those things behind their back (used to hide things like Kim from Gilmore girls ), I never believed, I from time to time was beated to submission and would believe for some time, but then I would come to my senses. I explored with who I was because I needed to be sane. As soon as I could I got out of there. When I told my mom when I was 22 that I would never go to the church again, they told me I died to them (the good side of this is that they didn’t talk to me for over a year, but alas they always needed me so they kept coming back)

    About sex: I lost my virginity at 16, and because I just wanted to get over with. I didn’t want to be special, or be in love, I just wanted to be safe and it was for myself… I never used sex as a way to make people like me, but as a way to do that for me. I had a small number of partners I think, 6, 2 being boyfriends and the others being friends with benefits. I’ve met my husband at 20, and after that it was it. We both have a good sex life, we talk about sex. I know what I like, what I don’t like and I am vocal about that. I matured a lot in that way in the last years and I am happy with myself on that regard.

    I think I was really lucky because when I was 18 I started to work at a place that only had woman, and some of them was older than me and we became friends. And we talked about sex a lot and I could vocalize a lot of things on my mind and normalize them as well… having this kind of friendship was life changing

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