Can “just friends” talk about sex in detail?

41 comments

1. You can but I think it’s weird to talk about stuff like that with a coworker. You can never be really sure that you’re not crossing any lines with workplace conduct.

2. I’d start from the assumption that she’s just from an upbringing where it’s healthy and normal to talk about sex openly, and/or finds it refreshing to find that now. Sex could probably be a lot less uptight if it was treated as a normal thing for consenting adults to do, and talk about, without being a big secret taboo mystery. Same for mental health stuff too IMO.

   The upside to that refreshingly honest clear air is, you’d probably be clear to openly and honestly ask “Hey, just to check, are we just talking about this or is there an undertone I’m sensing here?”

3. Yeah, we got some friends with whom we talk a lot about sex and such. Heck they even know about this reddit account and seen our pics. But we also have friends where we wouldn’t talk about sex to.

   For us it depends on who’s open to it, but also comfortable with it.

4. I’ve had a lot of women friends over the years. I’m very close with a few OB/Gyns. Oddly my other friends will tell me their medical and sexual issues. I am not a physician.

   If it’s a friend that I have zero interest in I’m comfortable with talking about sex and sex lives with her. Which nearly all of my female friends lol.

5. I often talk about sex with my male friends. As long as you’re clear you’re not interested it doesn’t have to be weird.

6. You don’t care about sex, but you’re having conversations about sex and getting titillated by them so you ask for even more details because it excites you?

7. You can, there are girls that would share every intimate details they have without prompting. She also maybe horny and this is a way to vent a bit. And there are 2 options – she is suggestive of something/ trying to seduce you or she has totally friendzoned you, so you are now part of the girl group she feels comfortable sharing everything. You make the bet where you stand.

8. Part of this is there’s a difference about how men talk/brag about sex compared to women. I’ve found my male friends and acquaintances are far more likely to talk about who they are doing. The women are more likely to talk about what they are doing.

   Over the years I’ve had many friends both IRL and (mostly) online I’ve had this kind of relationship with. It doesn’t mean they want to sleep with you, but I’ll admit sometimes the online ones do get sexty. I think people legitimately enjoy hearing the perspective of the opposite sex, specially if they can be articulate, open and detailed.

   In terms of what she wants. Just check with her. Specially since she’s a co-worker.

9. I think it should have a similar approach to consent and environmental awareness as sexual activities, but I have had discussions about sex with platonic friends. Especially things like sexual health issues, toy and prop care and sourcing, and even comparisons of partner preferences come up frequently with my friends circles. Even kink comparison discussions can be enlightening, and certainty entertaining.

   The clear distinction that needs to be made is the difference between discussing the subject, and engaging in it. Some self discipline should be exercised to avoid crossing boundaries that may become erotic teasing or further actions if one or more participants in a conversation may have a partner who would take offense.

10. I have a friend like this.

    Society doesn’t really let us talk openly and honestly about sex with most people. It can be very nice to be able to just talk out loud about this stuff. And it can be fun.

    The guy I talk to, I know he is tantalized by talking about it. but I also know I am NOT his type even though he is mine.

    And I did hook up with him a few times just for fun, even though I don’t really enjoy casual.

    But yeah, either way, if you are enjoying it, don’t think too much about it. Respect any boundaries that come up and make sure she respects yours.

    People will say “but if it goes bad you lose them as a friend”

    I say, it you will lose them as a friend because it goes “bad”, they weren’t a good friend anyway.

11. Yes. My friends and I do it all the time.

12. My day job is working in a very male dominated industry and all of my colleges are men,
    I have discussed everything with them from periods and sex to world domination. I am very open and honest and will tell them how I see things.
    They say I’m one of the lads with a bit extra (because they know that they can talk/vent to me about anything and I don’t judge them) and I call them my work bitches 😂because I don’t think twice about telling them about things going on in my life in the same way I do with the girls. We are that sort of a group.

    Hell over our coffee break today one of the lads was telling a story about how he was balls deep, doggy style and they had forgotten to close the bedroom door properly and the cat decided to have midnight zoomies. So there they were having the time of their life and the cat comes running in jumps on the bed and over her her back, by the time they had realised what had happened the cat had jumped over her again and on the third jump they had to stop what they were doing because the were laughing so much.

    Back to answering your question from personal experience YES “ just friends” can talk about sex in detail, without it being anything more than having a good chat with a good mate

13. Me and my best friend of 15 years, I’m F and he’s M, share literally everything sex wise with each other. He’s my dude and my best friend but we have a platonic relationship that will never be more than that.

14. Sounds like you are just friends. But there is always the potential for more based on you both being single.

    Anyway nothing wrong with having close friends of the opposite sex.

15. I’ve (M51) have had a lot of friends (F) in various stages of life that I’ve been able to have very open and candid discussions about sex and our sex lives. It helps us navigate life. I think it’s super helpful and has helped me in my relationship with my wife, as it has helped them in their relationships. While our discussions may get us extremely horny/excited, those feelings are always directed at our SOs, not each other. It’s never been stated, just a level of unspoken trust between two friends.

16. Yeah, I have a few women friends with whom I talk about sex. It’s a fun subject to talk about, plus it’s also good to hear the viewpoint of the opposite sex.

17. >I just struggle to see what she gets out of it

    I mean, you guys are obviously close, so why not just ask her (in a polite way obviously).

    Maybe she just likes to talk about sex. Maybe it turns her on a little. Maybe she likes being able to share intimate details with a trusted freind that she doesn’t have in anybody else. Maybe she just doesn’t care and doesn’t see it as a taboo topic like most people do. Maybe she knows you won’t judge her. Who knows.

    As long as you are both being honest and upfront (which it sounds like you are), then just go with the flow and know you have at least one person you can share this level of intimate conversation with.

    My best freind basically has a dead bedroom, so I can’t talk to him.

    I had a really good freind that was very open (much like you describe with yours). She is a married female and I am a married male. All four of us (us and our spouses) were cool with everything. But, things got weird when others overheard some of our conversations at parties and whatnot. And so those types of conversations kind of fizzled out over time.

    Everyone else we know are pretty up tight about sex.

18. My ex-wife and I still talk about it even years after the divorce. Our sex lives HAD NOTHING to do with it, so we can still talk about it. She was one hot mama then and still from what I gather this year.

19. Just to answer your question in the title: imo absolutely. All of my closest friendships have included detailed sex talk. And so have a lot of my less close ones

20. Yeah I definitely think that you can. I find it can actually be helpful as well because you might get new ideas or at least a new perspective on things.

    >I just struggle to see what she gets out of it and why she’s so eager to share.

    At the very least she’s comfortable with you, and that’s a really good thing.

21. I am a female, however, I talk about sex with the majority of my female friends and some of my male friends. I am a lesbian and my female friends are still comfortable with it. I have some friends who aren’t, but in general I think it’s a normal topic of conversation with friends.

22. She’s single with kids. She probably thinks it’s fun interesting and just sharing a little. I know it can be super awkward. Especially being just friends but she might be in appointing her life which she just wants to share. And feel wanted and liked. Just guessing to be honest. Oh boy I missed the part about being a coworker. That’s a red flag.

23. The openness is definitely welcome. At the same time, I would be cautious in mentally enforcing boundaries, simply because of fear of potential HR issues and how that could affect your job security.

24. My guy friends and I talk about sex all the time. So yes, absolutely, as long as each person respects the others boundaries.

25. Yeah, I don’t see what the issue is here. I have certain friends where we go into detail on sex all the time. It’s just normal convo for us

26. I’m male, and my best friend is a woman, similar situation. We get on like a house on fire, but we talk about all sorts of topics, and we’re both just very sexually positive people. At most, I’m curious what she’d be like in bed, but id rather just stay friends and leave that mystery alone

27. I have tons of friends that discuss their sex lives with me regularly. Not weird at all, but maybe I run in more open circles lol

28. Had a friend that, when we were close, we talked about our sex lives. It was the most normal thing for us. She and I (m) would call them our sexcapades [sex escapades] as our little joke. But that’s all it was. Stories. And we had fun hearing each other. It definitely is possible. Just be aware of what it means to each of you involved.

29. I’ve had a few conversations with opposite-gender friends.

30. As long as you two aren’t physically attracted to each other nor romantically interested, it’s fine.

    But if either of you are?

    I would avoid that topic.

31. I have a few female friends I can be talk about sex with. My closest friend and I go into all the details. It’s sort of hot and all it does it work is up to be with our partners again. I would never make a move and neither would she. We have a good thing going.

32. I can’t speak for all women but just based on myself and friends women talk to their friends about a LOT of things that can range all over but sex lives do come up. Swapping old stories or funny things does happen. Should the gender of the friend be taken into account? That I think is a grey area.

    If you feel like you are catching feelings or are seeing this as an invitation to something besides a story being told I would set some boundaries with your friend. Just let her know that the stories make you uncomfortable and if you could keep things pg and I’m sure she will be fine.

33. Yes. I’ve had several male friends where they were like brothers and we talked about everything, including everything sex. And neither of us ever wanted anything more. We were just friends.

    I also want to point out my childhood though. My dad was a dr and my mom a nurse and everything physical/health wise was regularly discussed, including sex. I was raised where talk about sex was always met with solid factual answers and I was never made to feel guilty or like it was shameful. So talking about it openly has never been an issue for me. Which a lot of people are taken back by, and some men are fully intrigued by. I think they feel they can get straight honest answers about a female’s body and sex that is not biased like it might be from their girlfriend/wife. I think with a GF/wife, they feel answers are too intertwined with emotions/ biased by love and not wanting to hurt feelings, or maybe too demanding.

34. There is nothing wrong with talking about it with a friend. I have a couple of friends that we talk sex and mental health and other such “sensitive” topics. I feel that it strengthens the friendship when you can be open about such things. And if you feel you are devolving feeling for them you should address them. If that is the case talk about it. If you are close enough to talk about those topics then you are close enough to address how they make you feel with one another. That is my advice. I hope it helps. Best of luck.

35. Just fyi, I have very detailed convos about our sex lives with nearly all my girl friends. It kind of comes with the whole girl friendship deal in most cases. So for her, if she sees you as a good friend, this is her way of showing it.

    And for reference, I have a lot of girl friends who are lesbian or bisexual. And the sex talk doesn’t change. From your post, it really doesn’t seem like she’s trying to get with you, just like those friends who like women aren’t trying to sleep with me when they talk about sex with other women.

    Sometimes I forget that apparently guys don’t really talk about their lives in detail like this. But this is just how women are socialised. We talk over everything in our lives with our friends, including sex, and even if it’s not to solve problems, it bonds us and provides entertainment if nothing else.

    Congratulations on your friendship and stop overthinking if you’re having a good time

36. 55M here. I have opposite-sex friends who I’ve never had sex with, but I discuss sex and relationships with.

37. yeah, me and my friends talk about it a lot, even with my guy friends and we think it’s completely normal

38. Yes. Absolutely

39. She might be into you. Just try to read her expressions and how she acts when she talks to you about sex. Or maybe she’s just a healthy communicator.

40. Yeah

41. I don’t see a problem with it…unless they’re being weird about it.