I’m a Chinese American woman living in Texas. I’ve known my friend for 4 years from work, and have lived with him for 2 years. He’s white. I have never dated a white guy and I never really imagined that might bother him. He never showed any interest in dating me, or vice versa.
Last night I brough home a Black man (24M) after a date and he stayed the night. This morning after he left, my friend came to me and said “How are you literally an Asian girl who doesn’t like white guys? You’re literally the only one.”
I said “Are you okay? You seem upset.”
He said “It just looks pretty racist that you date all these guys and all of them are Black or Latino, and never white.”
I told him “I literally don’t care about race. I just date guys who turn me on.”
He told me “You’re racist if that means never white guys.”
I said “You’re a racist misogynist who cares about the race of guys I date and thinks I’m supposed to be your little Asian sex slave because you’re white! You entitled racist!”
Then I stormed off into my room. I’m fuming now. I guess we both think the other person is racist now. Does it sound like one of us is clearly in the wrong here? Should we split and stop being friends, or try and talk things out?
TL;DR! – He called me racist for dating only Black and Latino men and said it’s weird I don’t like white guys when I’m Asian.
11 comments
I would consider the friendship done.
His behaviour was horrible, and your response was… not productive, but it doesn’t really matter.
Generally speaking, I wouldn’t keep a friend around who is clearly expressing a sense of entitlement to my sexual/romantic interest. And there is really no other rational interpretation here: He wasn’t defending white men in general. They are doing just fine and dating plenty of women are Asian decent, generally speaking. He was attacking you for not being a specifically available option to him. And that is someone you need to stay the hell away from, regardless of the racism angle.
Yikes, your friend is in the wrong. The race of people you date isn’t his business, and the fact he’s so concerned about it is creepy. It’s like he’s insulted that he’s not your type, even though he’s never had the guts to make a move himself.
So instead of asking you out sometime in the past *4 years* he blows up and lobs insults at you for dating other guys. His “You’re literally the only one” is highly suspect too.
Few things make my skin crawl like racial fetishist white men.
I’m native and the stereotype about our women is that they’re all dumb sl*ts who crave white d*ck. In the US and Canada, Indigenous women – particularly those who are clearly Indigenous-looking – are murdered at higher rates than any other group. They are seen as disposable sex objects, and most of their killers are white men. Right now, crews are actually digging up the Winnipeg city dump looking for the bodies of MMIW.
I’m sharing the above context to explain why I take this topic very seriously. It’s not just about hurt feelings and disrespect. This type of racialized misogyny is a deadly force in society.
In my high school days, every guy with an Asian fetish was a hardcore misogynist. One of them even grew up to beat the shit out of all his girlfriends. He chased after basically every east Asian girl in our grade and every one of them shot him down. He settled for forcing his white girlfriends to dye their hair black and wear Asian-fishing eyeliner. 🤢
So yeah, I think you should cut ties with this guy. Not every dude with an Asian fetish is a complete and utter monster like that guy I mentioned, but all of them are sick in the head. I’m not talking mental illness. I’m talking social sickness – their unexamined racism, prejudice, misogyny and objectification make them sick individuals who can’t be trusted.
He is the racist. You continue to date who you’re attracted to
You both sound very immature from this …
I don’t think either one of you is racist but I do think he likes you and that the way you both reacted was very immature.
I would look for another place ASAP. He’s nuts and way out of line.
This doesn’t read like a real conversation in the slightest.
As a black guy, this hurts man. People really still hate us for no reason
I think your response was justified, and based in truth.
“Taking the high road” is overrated, and is often advocated by people who think it’s your job to eat their shit.