I have a lot of good friends and yet I feel so disconnected with them. We have a lot of hobbies in common and yet I feel so hollow with them. Sort of like derealization sometimes.

3 comments

  1. Well a “good friend” means different things to people so I like to factor in the ease of talking to someone as well as the availability of topics to talk about. So I think someone is a close friend if I can talk to them whenever about whatever without them shutting you out.

    Just having hobbies in common gives you lots of small talk but that’s just the start to help you be comfortable. To combat this, I personally like to start asking questions to get answers unique to them such as what goals they have and what their definition of a friend is.

    I think it’s about talking to them enough where you’re super comfortable so you can start getting to know them as a person not what they do because anyone can do the same things but not anyone can think the same way.

  2. It could be more a topic about your ability to feel fulfilled than anything about the friendships. You can try this very good book. It helped me a lot to heal this hollow feeling in life.

    Healing Your Aloneness: Finding Love and Wholeness Through Your Inner Child, by Erika Chopich and Margaret Paul

  3. I feel like this has to do with the ability to be vulnerable. You can spend a lot of time together, but if you feel you can’t really “air your dirty laundry” and know they still love you as a person, or if they never show their weaknesses yo you, it’s almost like you’re playing theatre with them.

    People like to feel seen, heard and loved. When you get the opportunity, try asking people how they actually feel without putting any pressure on them or expecting them to tell you. That expectation can make people feel weirded out or like they’re forced to.

    Like if they hint that they have some kind of problem, ask “what did that feel like?”. If they don’t want to get into it, communicate that you’d love to hear about it, but that they are under no pressure.

    If you feel safe with someone, you could actually tell them that you’re a little insecure because you haven’t had a lot of close friendships in a while, but that you find them meaningful and would like to get better at developing them. Most people love that kind of honesty, and the ones who doesn’t aren’t really worth your time.

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