My (27f) bf and I have been together about 6 months, and we’ve been going through a fighting stage. We love each other so much but due to some things that happened in the beginning we’re lacking a lot of trust. Last week I saw a message from a girl I didn’t recognize. He opened them and showed me that he had asked her if she’d like to go out for a drink, and she said yes. He says he ran into her couple weeks ago he was at the bar alone and she told him about a job opportunity. The messages are about the job, but then two days later he messaged asking if she wants to go out for drinks. He said she’s an old friend from high school and wanted to catch up. He never asks anyone to hang out. He’s never done this before. Should I be worried?
Am I looking too far into things because of my lack of trust?
24 comments
He might not have “plans” to pursue anything further, but what he’s doing can appear to many as crossing a line in a relationship. If it makes you uncomfortable, you’re valid in feeling that way.
Since you’re both *fairly* new, I would bring it up to him and express that it makes you uncomfortable. Best case scenario, he wasn’t aware that what he’s doing could come across as crossing a line, but since you communicated it to him, he changes. Best case 🙂
Even if I was in a relationship where everything was great and dreamy I can’t imagine I’d be comfortable with this scenario. I don’t think it’s asking too much that when a relationship isn’t going well that both partners abstain from going out for drinks alone like this. Maybe he has pure intentions but it doesn’t sound like the best time for something like this
Two weeks ago you were 30. Now you’re 27. I’d love to know your reverse aging secret.
It’s been 6 months and you are fighting and there is a lack of trust. Perhaps this isn’t a relationship that you should continue with.
You should still be in a honeymoon phase, too much drama too soon.
It’s about trust… he didn’t have to show you the text him kept it honest with you. Networking is a good thing when it comes to jobs. If she is a friend it’s nothing out the ordinary
Nope. No worries. He’s keeping doors open, that’s all. If that does concern you, or if he’s truly lying about it than cut the ties. Your post does sound like he’s being open & sharing his phone with you, that’s a pretty big deal.
As already said, you’re just newly dating and already going through a ‘fighting stage’. I’m married 13 yrs and have never had a ‘fighting stage’.
Dude is no longer your boyfriend. Move on.
It doesn’t smell right. I don’t see where he would need to go for drinks with her. He could have invited her to your place with you there to do this job inquiry. Now he is even adding she is this old friend from high school. If you have been going through a fighting stage in your relationship, you have every right to feel something is off.
6 months and fighting?
OP he’s shopping around to monkeybranch
Dump him now!!!! This is NOT ok behavior!!
My personal experience was that when I did not trust a girlfriend at any stage, it only did not work 100% of the time. Trust your gut, stay positive, and know there are plenty of men that are chivelris out there.
He’s being shady and trying to keep his options open, just break it off with him, he sounds like a real jerk!
I usually don’t answer questions from the woman’s perspective.
But Jesus it baffles me that people need to post this shit to get an answer.
Dudes do not go out for drinks with girls unless they want sex. Your partner is not an exception, he is no angel.
Do with that what you will.
>But due to some things that happened in the beginning we’re lacking a lot of trust.
What things exactly?
>Am I looking too far into things because of my lack of trust?
Hard to say without context, could be just a thing about the job, could be he’s interested
I’ve been with my husband for 6 years and have 3 kids together and we both work PT and homeschool and have not had a “fighting stage.” Move on. It’s been 6 months. It’s only gonna get worse from here.
If you both agreed to a committed monogamous relationship, then he’s not keeping that commitment and keeping doors open wherever he can. This is not helpful if you already have trust issues and I’m sorry to say I would dump him. Everyone deserves security in a relationship and it’s the bare minimum a good partner should be able to provide for you.
Man’s opening options, you shouldn’t be fighting at 6 months. There’s some issues you need to resolve,Maybe he’s already lost the love?who knows
Communication is key
What could go wrong ?
He’s playing you.
I think if he had asked you or told you after inviting her on his own accord I wouldn’t suspect anything, but since he waited until you saw this woman’s name on his phone – I am a lil sus. This isn’t helping the whole lack of trust issue.
You asked should you worry absolutely
You don’t have a boyfriend. Unless you both understand that you would still be dating other people. He’s asking her on a date. Full stop. You know you can’t trust him. Don’t waste time on a relationship that has a “fighting stage” six months in. I’d think you wouldn’t even have a fight, singular, six months in. Cut bait and find a better fish girl.
Ok behavior? No… come on girl, he’s full of crapola. 6 mths in… time to move on. At 30, he knows better.
It depends what u want if he wants to play that game make it status single