My girlfriend (24f) and I (24m)had been planning our college graduation day together for months since we were graduating together. We had matching caps and we were going to go together in the morning, but we had a bad series of arguments in the last few weeks that were really stressful for my girlfriend because she can’t handle arguments. We had an argument the day before graduation, but we made up, and the next day on our graduation, she completely ditched me. She never picked me up like she promised she would and she threatened to tear my cap apart, and said we are done. I had to beg her not to and her sister ended up giving me my cap, and we didn’t see each other all day. I feel so abandoned and betrayed and I feel like I can’t forgive her. She has been crying saying she acted out because she was overwhelmed and she never meant to hurt me but I feel like her acting out like this is a sign of weakness and I’m scared to date her because she might do worse things. What should I do?
TLDR: Girlfriend ditched me on graduation and wants to come back. How can I forgive her?
30 comments
Explain the situation to her and how you truly felt about it. To me it felt as if she just didn’t care enough despite those arguments. Such a big event for you and to have her miss out on it due to arguments is a bit of an eye sore to see. You’d be expecting her to at least turn up. I would do if I was in your shoes tbh
Do you want to forgive her?
Take this as a sign and leave it ended.
It sounds like she has some emotional issues to work out, and it’s not fair to use you as a punching bag or a therapist.
Forgive her for *your* mental health. But don’t forget, or let this slide.
She sounds immature and unable to manage her emotions or the complexities of a relationship. She didn’t show up and follow through on her word, and she threatened to destroy your property.
Honestly bro, this does not sound like a relationship worth saving.
You can’t
I mean I think it’s rlly important to work things through w her. Does she have trauma that would have caused this? Do arguments trigger her?
Wow, so, okay, my guy, this was a rollercoaster for me just reading this exceptionally condensed version of events. I can imagine living them would be much worse. I’m going to comb through your post, point some things out, make some comments, and there’s going to be some tough love here. Brace yourself.
>…we had a bad series of arguments in the last few weeks that were ***really stressful for my girlfriend because she can’t handle arguments.***
They were only stressful for her? Not for you? Because you were the one picking the fights?
>We had an argument the day before graduation, but we made up…
Did you actually make up? Or did she shut down and give in just to end the fight?
>and the next day on our graduation, she completely ditched me. She never picked me up like she promised she would and she threatened to tear my cap apart, and said ***we are done.***
That’s your answer.
>… I feel so abandoned and betrayed and I feel like I can’t forgive her.
Well, it sounds like she dumped you, so I’m not really sure forgiving or not forgiving matters…?
>She has been crying saying she acted out because she was overwhelmed and she never meant to hurt me
Okay, so you’re still talking? Still together?
>but I feel like her acting out like this is a ***sign of weakness*** and ***I’m scared to date her*** because she might do worse things.
“Sign of weakness” because only the strong should be allowed to date you because they can handle how badly you treat them? On the flip side, *you* are afraid to date *her*, not the other way around.
This boils down to either mental illness on one or both parties, and/or incompatibility. I think you should accept that this was your college girlfriend and now that college is over, the relationship is too. Learn that when someone tells you they are done, accept it. Learn that when you can’t trust someone anymore, the relationship is dead. Wish her well, block her on all forms of contact. Take your shiny new diploma, dust your single self off, and move on with your life.
I would end things since she already threatened to do so anyway. Does she act like this all the time? Do you want to stay with someone this immature? Who knows what else she’ll do in the future if you let it slide.
I would forgive, but I would keep it moving. It is very telling if someone reacts this way to stress. Ditching you and getting you all chopped and screwed right before graduation sounds like a shit test and it also sounds like she is mad immature.
Forgive her and keep it moving. If she is willing to act like this when important events pop up then I think it is best to just leave her to her own devices.
Honestly, I feel like her negativity is sabotaging your graduation celebration. Go have fun without her. You don’t need to forgive her unless you want to and not forgiving her is completely ok. She sounds like a pain in the ass. I think she should be groveling for your forgiveness.
Sometimes graduations represent life re-organizations kind of like business reorgs. You might have to “lay off” this girl.
Fuck her. Too much drama
Drama!!!!!!
Your gut is right, she might do worse things. Be with nice people.
I’d forgive.
I don’t understant why we expect perfection out of people so much nowdays. People fuck up, sometimes during important moments, shit happens.
From what you have shared I don’t see any reason not ro forgive her honestly.
Run. Now. Don’t. Look. Back.
Learn, adapt and overcome. 🧐….. Plan a wedding, have an argument a day before and Ditch her.🤣🤣
If you want to continue the relationship, be the bigger person and accept her apology. Go out and have a private graduation party with her. It’s not fair that you have to shoulder her emotional baggage, but that is the price of continuing the relationship. You have to share the burden of her wild emotions. If you don’t want to do that, just move on. Graduation is the best time to start fresh anyway. I hope you try to work it out though.
Toxic. Fuck that shit
Be done with her… it will only get worse. I speak from experience
That is a fucking child. What 24 years old and can’t handle an argument are you fucking serious? When I was 19 I was in fucking Syria. I don’t care what past trauma she has there’s no excuse to act like that when she’s living a good life in the United States of America where she gets to graduate college and get her picture taken and drink with her friends. What a load of shit. A 24 yearold should not act like that, that’s a temper tantrum. “I’m sorry I was acting out” she’s gonna keep doing that. Do not forgive her.
Assuming she won’t change, is that the kind of energy you want in your life?
No. Leave that one alone. there’s no future with you two…can you imagine a household with two volatile people perhaps trying to raise kids?? It’s not a good idea. Let it be. Congrats on graduating time to level up your life*
grow a pair and find a new girfriend
“she threatened to tear my cap apart, and said we are done. ”
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Whats so hard to understand? You’re done
uhm, she sounds toxic and seems to act like the victim as though it’s her natural role. would stay away.
get used to saying “ex gf” not “gf.” she needs to grow up, and you need to get over her cause she ain’t worth it.
She banged someone. Move on
She showed you what she is. Believe her. Walk away. No joy for you here.
I’d forgive her, but wouldn’t date her seriously anymore. If it was the other way around and you abandoned her on grad day, would you expect her to come back like nothing happened if you were crying to her apologizing? Based off what you’ve said already I don’t think she would.
Draw the line in the sand and if she really cares she’s got to earn you back and it might take a while, but it’s the only way you can claim respect. She seems a bit ruthless, so if you want drama in your life
FWB
I say give her a couple days and she will be all good she was stressed about graduation you’ll be fine my man