I[M21] always try to put alot of energy and attention on other people. I do this probably because I don’t want them to be pissed with me and my nature. I try to keep everything ideal, and smooth. Is this a good habbit? Because of this I overlook my needs, emotions and boundries. I am afraid to put my emotions forward. I think if I put them forward, i wil be considered a fragile man. I take other’s emotions seriously, try to ensure they are happy and keep the situation smooth. This has made me depressed, unhappy, coward, and mentally unstable. Probably I try to project what I imagine my ideal self should be that everyone loves? Nowadays I am even unable to sleep(as I keep thinking of those situations, and imagining how would I have it right done). Everynight I try to reflect on myself and try to know why am I like this and why do I act like this, but the next day the story is same. I think of taking actions, but when the situation arrives, I am the same person again. I am tired of this, and I want some help. Is it normal to be like this? How can I recover and just be a normal happy person?
4 comments
What’s wrong with just being yourself?
You think a lot of things that you have no way of knowing whether they’re even true. They’re unlikely to be true. But even if they were, aren’t you a person, too? Why is everyone in the world deserving of consideration from you, except yourself? You’ve already noticed, this has led you to doing things for which you neither like nor respect yourself. Your first step must be to turn this around. Treat yourself as someone worthy of equal respect. Treat your feelings with the same consideration as you would anyone else’s. If others don’t respect you for that, if they treat you badly, that’s a sign they are not good friends and not good people to have in your life. But I think with many people, you will find that it will actually make them treat you better.
When you are awake at night with your mind going round and round the same wheel, that doesn’t help you do anything. So hop off the wheel. Focus on something else, something interesting you’ve read/seen, a puzzle, whatever it takes. It may take multiple tries because it’s such a habit by now, but with effort, you can learn new habits.
During the day, read up on anxiety and ways to overcome it. See a therapist if that’s possible for you. Your current high level of anxiety is the reason you become paralyzed when it comes time to take action. So you need to work on that and defuse it bit by bit.
It’s better to be authentic. No one likes fake people and by withholding your opinion and real feelings you are being fake. This will only lead to unhappines later in life and you will lose yourself in the process. You need to take responsibility for your life and happiness. Learning to be assertive is the way to do it.
Do you exercise, cardio or lift? I think you would benefit from physically exerting yourself. Right now you seem to be too much in your head. Also, get in nature and fresh air. Connect with the earth and your animal instincts.