I felt like things were improving. Married 9 years. We had been arguing a lot and had a dry spell of sex for a few years and have upped it to two sexish nights a week and have fought less which everyone seemed happy about.
We moved to a rural place for my wife’s job. Decided no kids. We bought land and animals and it has been stressful and time consuming Making improvements. Im not a fucking farmer, im not a gardener but ive been agreeable to do a lot of the improvements which I agree need to be done to make our animals happier and make the place better….I have a job I dislike, no friends in the area and have been depressed. I’ve been doing therapy and things have been improving.
My wife and I talked a month ago and made the realization that sex for her is like farming/working on our land for me. Ive done more outside and she has done more in the bedroom. Also for context I do more cooking and house chores, thats why I feel overwhelmed with outside work. Its not my go to for relaxation
Anyways last weekend I did a fun difficult trail race that brings me happiness and I was training for. I felt on top of the world and a bit sore and even had a good day at work…a rarity. Last night I made dinner and we were in bed and she asked when I was going to start doing next outdoor task. I WAS being a little obstinate and was like “I don’t know, when I feel like it I’m having fun relaxing” and she flipped out.
She yelled at me calling me a prick, started crying eventually because she is disappointed that I don’t want to build fencing and clear brush around our land on my days off. I said I would do it and I intend to but my schedule has been packed and I was tired. She responded that she hates feeling like she is dragging me along with everything. “Suck my dick whore and ill do yard work” is how she phrased the last month of improved sexual activity and coinciding land improvement activity. My good feels came crashing down… I was feeling great thought things were improving in every aspect and now I’m just sad, my wife is sad and it sucks.
1 comment
Your wife has an unrealistic expectation of what a relationship is like… just because its a priority for her doesn’t mean it is for you as well…
You aren’t supposed to lose yourself in a relationship, when you do, you become used and resentful to your partner.
OP keep doing things that make you happy and prioritize yourself. If you aren’t happy then make yourself happy within reason. If she wants something done then she can do it herself. You were two individual who came together for this relationship… once you stop being you then your partner stops loving you and only loves you for the role you play in their relationship.
Boundaries are important and fights will happen… avoiding fights is not a good sign…
Don’t use Gottman’s 4 Horsemen and you both work on after care from a fight.
This sucks OP but hopefully you two will work through it.