I’ve been with him for almost a year now. And she left him 6 months prior to our reconnection. She cheated on him and it really hurt him. He’s been telling me how suicidal he was , how depressed etc. i supported him while we were already in a relationship, listened to him. I thought that the more he talked it out the faster it would take to heal. But a week ago while we were busy working on something, he pulled out the wallet and showed me the picture of her. The last one he took on the day of their break up. I confronted him about it and he said he couldn’t just throw the pic away and even forgot he had it in his wallet, I demanded him to tear it apart. But he got defensive. Ofc eventually he cut it into small pieces, saying see, im getting rid of it, I love you now. He said he felt guilty and ashamed even for having that relationship. He apologized , and added that he’d never expect this kind of reaction from me ? But what could you expect when you go into the details of this last day of their relationship,showing her picture that you still keep in the wallet ?? Then saying oh I can print your picture out and put into my wallet Instead.
It Got me so mad
Im still not Over this experience. How can someone forget having his ex girlfriends picture in the wallet?
Is it a dealbreaker ? Or I should just move on ? By the way their relationship lasted a year.
13 comments
Not OK. Should communicate he won’t move on keeping connections to ex. And then see if the relationship is worth it. Either way, talk to him.
I saw post about how a GIRL keeps album of pics of her ex even tho she’s in a relationship with someone else cuz “ it’s part of her memory and want to keep them as reminder of her happy moments “ and people said she have the right to do that, so I’m excited what people gonna say about this
That picture could have been a symbol of what he left behind and why he is better now. Firing off the way you did may have just set you back as a girlfriend in his eyes.
I don’t get why people get so upset about ex-stuff. Do you really think men always hang on to those because they don’t love you? Are we supposed to pretend we didn’t have a life prior to you and surgically clean all traces of them from our lives? In such a case I have to throw away some nice household items, too.
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I’m not sure the picture itself is the issue. I’ve kept a note from an ex that reminds me of a good day, but he’s not really in this memory anymore. Yes I do remember it’s him who wrote the note, but when I see it I remember of a good day out in the summer with friends. Not sure if it’s clear: we sometimes keep things from our exes, doesn’t necessarly mean we haven’t moved on.
On to the point. The problem is he keeps reminiscing his ex. I’m pretty sure he *did* forget he had the picture in his wallet, but why show it to you? From what you’ve written, it seems to me like he’s holding onto the pain like it’s a part of him. He’s talked about her and the breakup in countless details to you. Briefly put, he’s not (wasn’t?) totally over his last relationship. That’s not solid ground for a healthy relationship between you 2. Making him shred the picture won’t change this. He obviously needs time to heal, but he should be actively trying to heal, and not unloading his burden on you. It’s not your job to have him move on, it’s his. First step is him stopping talking about his ex to you.
The only question here is, is it okay with you? For some, it will be ok, for some, not. If it is not okay with you, communicate it with your boyfriend. He should respect the boundaries that you will set.
I think it’s completely fine for him to have that photo, and I think you fucked up by forcing him to cut it up. I have things I was given by my partners, including notes etc – if a partner of mine wanted me to get rid of anything I’d be unimpressed and disappointed.
These aren’t a matter of having current feelings, just simple curios and memories.
Whether you should move on or not, but your boyfriend probably should.
I mean he definitely could of forgotten the photo was in his wallet, I have so much random nonsense in my bag I don’t even know what’s in there.
I think having a drink together, relaxing and having an option conversation about it is the right way to go.
You’ve been with him almost a year and he’s still hung up on her? Walk away. This guy is never going to be all yours. You deserve better. You deserve someone who is healed from whatever past hurts and is whole and fully emotionally available to you. This guy is not it. At this point, a year and a half after the break, he’s deliberately hanging onto her, so let him go and wallow in his pain as he likes. It doesn’t sound like he’s even trying to get over her and move on. He shouldn’t be your problem or your project.
You demanding he tear it up into small pieces is kind of psycho behavior too. You both have different issues. Do you always make demands when you two can’t come to a compromise or agreement?
Weird
I don’t think you have the right to tell him what to do with his property.
You don’t have to like anything, but he doesn’t have to destroy property to appease you. You don’t have the right to demand what he does with his property.
I have a christmas ornament an ex bought me, and I’d break up with my current SO if he demanded I destroy it.
I love my current SO. I don’t want to be with my ex, but that ornament represents a memory I don’t want to forget. It’s important to me.
I would keep it away from my current SO. I’d keep it off our christmas tree, but I wouldn’t be willing to destroy it.
Your partner is allowed to have a past and items that represent their past. You can express your feelings about how those items make you feel, but you don’t own those items or have the right to demand what he do with his property.
So I’m a female and I have a few pics of my ex around in different albums and things. The difference is that they are pictures that include family, the dogs we got as a couple, or other situations that have great memories attached. A lot of them I’ve thought about getting rid of but when I look at other parts of the picture I realize how special they are. My current bf completely understands. I make it clear in action and verbally that I’m over my ex even though I have a few pictures of him. I’m not getting the same vibe from your bf OP, nor do I think his reason is excusable. Maybe if she had died or something but he’s obviously just not over his ex