I’m (24m) confused about my long distance partner pulling away (25f)
Long story short I just saw my girlfriend over this long weekend. She lives 4.5h away and I drove down Friday and back today (Monday).
So I’m unsure if I’m overthinking/reacting or if what I’m feeling is valid. Friday was awesome. We had dinner at her parents house, went home, all sweet. She was very affectionate and loving towards me, and so was I, which is the usual case seeing as we only maybe see each other 1-2x a month.
The problem started Saturday night, again at her parents place. She was visibly upset after dinner and very quiet and standoffish, especially to me. She would hardly look at me, no hand holding, short answers in an annoyed tone. She was closer to her usual self to everyone else. I thought maybe I had done something so I shut up and we went home, straight to bed and it felt like she didn’t want anything to do with me.
We talked in the morning(Sunday), both got pretty upset at points but I thought we had maybe sorted it out. She admitted she didn’t really know why she was like that towards me, but I was frustrating her for some reason. What I don’t really get is that she didn’t understand why the way she was acting towards me was making me upset?
Part of this conversation was also that we had agreed to have dinner with just the two of us that night(date night), but she said she had changed her mind and wanted to again go to her parents house (3rd night in a row).
She just decided that’s what we’re gonna do without asking me, while we had both agreed to the first plan. I obviously was irritated as I was looking forward to alone time, but she had a go at me saying “plans change” and “you didn’t have to come down this weekend”.
This pissed me off a fair bit so I just told her I was going to drive home if she didn’t want me around. She said I was being stupid because she obviously did want me around, otherwise I wouldn’t be here (this came off kind of mean to me).
She accused me of being nit picky of her and her behaviour, but surely a sudden change from full affection to basically cold shouldering is obviously very upsetting? Plus just changing her mind on things and leaving me in the lurch? We both agreed to try and be more patient with each other and things seemed good for the time being, she was basically back to her normal self. I agreed to come to dinner at her parents.
About 1pm rolls around and bang, she’s fully pulling herself away from me again. This lasts all night. Opposite sides of the bed again. She is totally fine and happy with everyone else but me. I keep a more level head this time and say nothing until the morning. I ask her when she wakes up if I’ve done something wrong, she says no. I ask if we’re all good, she says yes. We hug but it feels very weird and awkward, when usually we are so loving and both bittersweet about leaving each other. I just don’t get it.
Can anyone help me out here it’s killing me.
Cheers.
3 comments
Probably going to get flames for this, but could it be PMT?
I feel like a lot is left out. Without more details, impossible. You may have done something, she could be emotional, could be that time of month, something else is bothering her, her job may be stressful, maybe her friends aren’t supportive, who the hell knows. In my experience, I try to introspect as best as I can. If she acts like she needs space, ask her. Say you can go out for a few hours to the gym or something if she needs some decompression time. A lot of girls expect the boy to read their minds. I calmly have to remind my partner I can’t and I’m dense at times, so just vocalize. This can be a struggle. But if she’s worth it, she’s worth it.
Break up