Next year I’m starting high school (Italy), and I want to make some changes. I’m in middle school now, and for the whole 3 years I felt left out by everyone. I have a close friendgroup, we are 4, my friends know almost EVERYONE in the school and everyone knows them, they aren’t the “cool” people but they’re good at making friends. I feel left out when, for example, I’m out with my friends and some random person that I’ve already seen comes to them and says hi, and they do a normal fast conversation normally. I know how to keep a conversation, I don’t struggle when talking to someone, it’s just that no one seems to find me interesting. I don’t wanna be popular, I just want people to see me as friendly and as a good person that you would feel comfortable with. My friends always tell me I’m shy, this makes my blood boil because I’m not actually shy, I just don’t know how to make new friends. I gave up trying to make friends now because in less than one month school is gonna finish, so in the summer I want to try to improve my approaching skills and hopefully make friends at the new school.
Any tips?
3 comments
Hey there! High schooler here.
Believe me when I tell you… It’s just your age.
I know, that sucks to hear and I haaated hearing it when I was your age, but it really is true.
A lot of it has to do with finding your people. It gets a lot easier when you’re able to get out into the world. Once you start driving, go out more, get a job, etc, you meet more people and find it easier to connect!
Are you good at starting conversations? Finding people with similar interests?
Everyone has a different way of starting convos and one method doesn’t work for everyone. I start my conversations with weird friendly pick up lines (not flirtatious) or random questions that get you thinking.
It’s easier when you’re with people that accept you and you feel comfortable with.
It’ll get easier as time goes on.
Wishing you the best!!!
Middle school to high school was a scary nightmare for me. I was awkward as fuck. I asked one of my teachers the same question you asked here- and they said the art of getting close to people requires you to listen closely. Focus on the other person and think how you can help people get what they want. Sounds manipulative at first but really you will learn to discover peoples true drivers, you can learn to genuinely care, you can get invested in those relationships, and typically people respond in kind as the trust builds between you. This probably will seem like onesided work for you for a while. But believe me there is a tipping point and when it flips people will seek YOU out because of word of mouth and everyone craves to be understood and accepted. Refer back to the title of your post 😀
If you want to others to love, respect, cherish, value, or appreciate you, then you must be lovable, respectable, cherishable, value, or appreciable. Period. Specifically, this means you need to act and carry yourself in ways such that people are inclined to do such things for you.
Here is what people generally look for. Ask yourself these questions. Do you have you good appearance ? Do you have good social skills ? Do you bring positive social energy ? These are the first things people notice about you. Furthermore, are you good at something like a skill, talent, hobby, etc. ? Do you add value to other people’s lives ? People want to see evidence that you are a high status individual. In particular, they want to see you are competent at something in life and that you can benefit other people.
Chase excellence, not love.