How can I get people to not be forcibly nice to me?

4 comments

1. Maybe they’re just ‘feeling you out.’ – or trying to get a grasp of the person you are. Maybe they are beginning this process of trying to get to know you with kindness as if to say – “you seem like a relatively decent person I don’t know much about but would possibly like to get to know you more. The vibe that you’re putting out makes it seem like you might be a bit shy, avoidant, or not very outgoing – so, I will approach you with kindness and extend a polite social probe that you can choose to respond to or not.”

2. I would begin with something small and specific. Just like any other skill, being confident and standing up for yourself takes practice over a long period of time. Instead of being more assertive all the time, choose one small situation to practice being more assertive in. Keep practicing until you feel better about it, and then start trying harder things a little bit at a time.

   It’s difficult to speak up for yourself. You may face resistance from others and yourself. To beat the feeling of not wanting to be assertive you can also get better at wanting to be assertive by thinking about why it’s important to you and how being assertive will help you achieve what you care about.

3. Why is that a problem? Who cares why they are being nice to you? They will not be close friends of course. But being around and talking to people who are willing to be around you and nice to you is pretty good.

4. I find that people sometimes bounce off other people to match their personality type. So if someone seems nice, maybe like they may get insulted easily, they will be nice towards them. Maybe adding some light, impersonal banter could help break that barrier? And help stop people with the forced friendliness