what’s the most unexpected thing you learned from a past relationship that significantly improved your current one(s)?

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1. That I’m too jealous. Unfortunately too late, I learned that “I picked you, not him” means I do in fact have something to offer my better half.

2. Patience. If you go into a relationship, you need to know when little issues start to build. Time really doesn’t heal a lot of these problems. You need to accept the person fully and not settle for that person. If you have to constantly run a pro and con list in your head, then you are already struggling. Understand yourself first and what things you are willing to accept. Everyone is unique, have the patience to accept them for who they are.

3. Nobody is obligated to love me.

4. If someone wrongs you, and you forgive them, you have to completely let it go. Holding it over their head and reminding them of it- or worse, telling them that they “owe” you because of it- is incredibly toxic and destructive. If the person in the wrong is truly remorseful, then the constant reminders can result in crushing guilt, whereas if they’re not remorseful then it doesn’t effect them at all anyway.

   Also, your forgiveness is for YOU to heal, not for their absolution.

5. I got to see first hand how a girl behaves when she’s interested in a guy. Now when a girl is acting wishy washy I just nope out instead of wasting my time

6. Personally and character are more important than looks.If she’s cute but an asshole someday she will no longer be cute,but she will still be an asshole.

7. That I made bad choices by choosing people who suited my repetition trauma. Blech.

8. If you need to convince her she’s not really interested and the relationship will most likely fail anyway.

9. To walk away the first time it goes bad.

10. That dating people who can’t promise not to kill themselves or hurt themselves is a bad idea.

    Wait that’s not unexpected I was just oblivious.

11. I knew she was “wasn’t quite right” but at the same time, only minor things were off…like, after dating for a year, she didnt know what to get me (with over 1000 books, a Barnes and Noble gift card would have been great)…

    But I knew it wasnt going to be “the one”. So I was listening to a motivational speaker on designing life and he asked…write down what your future life would be…how you would describe it…

    I used that activity to design my perfect “other”…i knew skin color and hair color preferences, accents, sense of humor, general height and even the way she handled conflict under pressure (anger, humor)…

    For me, writing it down helped me think through all the possibilities so that I would KNOW it if I saw it…dated a couple more “close” ones after that…but then I landed on my final one and she was IT.

    Ups and downs, we fight them together. If we have had 2 fights in 25 years, it would be alot.

    The act of writing down what you WANT instead of what you DONT WANT is important.

12. You can’t change/force someone to understand the value of money.

    A spender will remain a spender, and will not change a habit if they don’t want too.

13. Men forgive and forget.. women forgive but never forget.

14. Kindness is NOT overrated. Looks and dick size is