It’s hard to pin down what makes people feel like they truly are a man.
And I know to an extent it’s not a real distinction.
I grew up not into sports or beer or whatever so that didn’t help. But I think part of it is fitting in with other men, sure, in a stereotype way.
I also think a lot of it is about confidence.
Wondering if others have struggled with this kinda thing and if they overcome it, and how
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There’s a lot of BS going around at the moment about “What is a man?” and if you end up listening to everyone, you end up baffled.
Honestly. Being a man based on what others say isn’t a decent way to live. Live by what you feel is right for you as a man (very often, just being a good person).
I’m more traditionally masculine physically and I’m happy with that. Some of my friends aren’t and that’s cool, they’re still good people.
Swing by /r/menslib sometime. Lots of chatter about what defines a man and around talking about some of the bigger issues that are problems for all of us.
leaving out the man part, i didn’t feel like i really lived until i lost everything: my savings, most of my possessions, my housing, and i ended up living on the streets.
i was extremely fortunate to have survived and then that my family allowed me another chance, supporting me until i could get back on my feet.
in the years since, i’ve worked hard to understand my emotions and how they may influence me. i’ve re-made my life to contain more of the things i want it to contain and less of all else. i have my guard up against negative influences.
it’s human nature to always want more, but i’m content with who i am now. and i’ll leave you with a quote that maybe we can aim for instead of trying to feel like a real man, whatever that means:
“To me success means effectiveness in the world, that I am able to carry my ideas and values into the world — that I am able to change it in positive ways.” –Maxine Hong Kingston
I don’t think it has anything to do with “fitting in”, quite the opposite. Obviously the whole notion is subjective, but my take is that “being a man” means you don’t really care too much about other people’s opinions, especially those who don’t have any real significance in your life. You do and say what feels right for you, what is in alignment with your own truth and integrity. It certainly has nothing to do with appearances or sports or beer.
Bought a house
Not sure if I really feel like a man at 42. But two things: first, having a kid made me take on the concept of responsibility for my choices and actions in a new and much more profound way. And two, deescalating a potentially physical altercation instead of aggravating it, gave me a greater sense of victory and satisfaction than I could have ever gained by fighting. Maybe these are both symptoms of being a man – feedback needed.