Sadwifey

I just needed to vent so sorry and thank you for reading ……I been married for 16 yrs to a man that never puts me first. Never buys me anything and ignores all holidays for me I have had 19 surgeries and 4 kids, 2 that are his and he has done nothing but make my life hell since but I took a vow I am a faithful woman that lost my first husband to suicide and feel always guilty of wanting out. He put himself first at our wedding in vegas I was almost 7 months prego and he wanted to go out and drink and I wanted to rest and put my feet up, so what did he do caused a fight and left me in the room crying and alone on our special night but doesnt stop there this man here yells in the hospital as I gave birth he didnt want to go home and stayed on this litle couch. Our new baby begun to cry and what does he do he yells at me to get the fk up cause he cant sleep. Not once but 2 times he did this with both of our kids that were born back to back. I did get fixed so I could not have anymore kids. I can see most of you are probley judging me why didnt i leave?? Well he mentally fk me and verbally abused me and I felt like nothing but I needed to be the strong back bone for my kids and I know since he made more and I could not afford to put a roof over my family head all alone, so yes I swallowed my pride just to keep food in there tummys and a roof over there head. I never want to hurt him but I have not been loved in 16 yrs and want to know what it feels like b4 I die one day.