Im that awkward friend you dont want to invite to dinner, I have a few allergies and dietary requirements. Yesterday I got asked to leave a restaurant.
Do you get annoyed at a restaurant when youre with someone such as myself? Or when you invite us for dinner? Do you take the requirements seriously?
Even some of my closest and longest friends have served me food with stuff in it I cant eat knowingly. “Oh it wont kill you”
Im posting this not because I want pity, but because I want to find out how people view allergens/dietary restrictions.
EDIT 1: Restaurant told me they could only make a small salad and If I wanted a meal I would have to go elsewhere
EDIT 2: I am not mad the restaurant wouldn’t serve me a meal, I’m glad they took it seriously.
EDIT 3: Please lets not focus on the restaurant haha, I just mentioned it to show that my diet is hard to accommodate for
EDIT 4: Im in morocco eating out three times a day (travelling), restaurants here arent on google so I couldnt call ahead
27 comments
How can you be asked to leave?
Why were you asked to leave the restaurant?
I’ve got a nut allergy, esp peanuts (which are technically not nuts anyway), so I’m pretty chill with anyone with a food allergy.
Now that there have been highly-publicised cases of people dying from ingesting nuts, people take it very seriously, and so no-one ever says *It won’t kill you* to me!!
EDIT: Hang on, you were asked to leave the restaurant? How can that be? The only reason possible is it if every dish on the menu was somehow allergenic for you!
I would make any reasonable adjustments required to suit them. I have mates with some allergies and intolerances so I try to work around them. I am not going to feed prawns to my mate with a shellfish allergy or give my wife muscles just to see her projectile vomit. So I will work around them or if we go out make sure we go somewhere where we can get what everyone wants. Some things can be difficult – for example packaged minced beef can contain gluten so I tend to read labels if I am doing dinner for people with gluten issues..
If genuine, that’s unfortunate for you; ime foodie types will take catering for someone who can’t eat certain things as an interesting challenge.
I suspect the problem is the tendency in recent times for people to say that they’re e.g. gluten free because it’s a faddy thing rather than a genuine allergy/intolerance, which makes people of a sceptical nature suspect of all people who say they have dietary restrictions (psa: there is nothing wrong with consuming gluten unless you have a specific medical issue with it).
Though I’m curious – why were you asked to leave the restaurant?
I always take dietary requirements seriously. Whether it’s vegan, nut allergy or dairy allergy. If I’m cooking it’s easy enough to adapt a recipe so everyone can have the same thing. I had a vegan friend over for a BBQ a few years back and I adapted all of the side dishes to be vegan friendly (even the apple crumble desert) so the only thing they had to avoid was the actual meat.
Side note, I’ve found Zizzi restaurants are always really accommodating to requirements. I’ve got a fussy kid who only wants plain pasta so they’ll put the sauce on the side for him if he wants to try it. And I did 6 weeks dairy free when I suspected it could be an eczema trigger so they were happy to split the cheesy garlic bread down the middle so one half had no cheese.
I mean, I have a shellfish allergy so I’m not going to judge or complain to anyone who has an allergy.
Fortunately mine isn’t bad, I’m generally OK unless I eat a whole prawn or something with shellfish in the ingredients (some fish sauce in Asian cuisine) and don’t really have any issues from minor cross-contamination.
Your friend needs a good verbal slap though. Allergies are serious and can kill.
If someone gets annoyed that you have an allergy then they’re just a POS. But a restaurant has to take it seriously, if they refused you then it’s because they couldn’t guarantee they wouldn’t make you sick. It sucks but it’s sensible on their part.
If there is a medical reason for the dietary requirement then of course I would accommodate. If they are restricting their diet through choice then they can eat what they are given or go hungry.
>Even some of my closest and longest friends have served me food with stuff in it I cant eat knowingly. “Oh it wont kill you”
Seems kind of a dick move from them tbh. I’d never serve my friends something I knew they don’t want to eat, let alone something I know they can’t.
The same way I think of people with anything else that needs to be taken into consideration.
I’d probably let them pick a place to eat since they’re more used to where/what they can/can’t eat.
Dinner at home’s easy to accomodate for so no issue.
Yeah it’s something to take seriously, like any other requirements or preferences.
Anyone doing the “it won’t kill you” thing, just stop bothering with them since they’re obviously a dickhead.
I think it’s a shame the restaurant couldn’t cater to you however I have a friend who runs a restaurant and know certain products coming into his restaurant can’t guarantee they haven’t come into contact with allergens beforehand which leaves his hands tied when it comes to ultimately protecting you from harm. The alternative is the potential for a manslaughter charge, so it’s a non brainer when you look at it from the other side.
Wouldn’t it be just better to do other activities with your friends?
All depends on the reasons. If you have an allergy, I’d do my utmost to cater for it.
What I don’t cater for is vegans. If I’m cooking a meal, I’ll cook it for everyone at the table. I’m not gong to cook an entirely separate dish for one person who thinks they’re making themselves sound oh so clever.
They’re people 🤷
I was a Chef for over a decade and we always tried our best to accommodate people allergies. But for some allergies and depending what was on the menu there would be no safe way to serve people due to cross contamination. I always hated when it happened, but no decent restaurant gives up a sale without it being the only choice for customer safety.
Same as anyone else. If the dietary reqs are particularly tricky tho, I’d rather they choose the restaurant and/or handle communication with the restaurant in advance. It’s not fun to be the go between or need to adjust on the fly from lack of planning.
I think it’s difficult to accommodate them which makes me understand how difficult it must be for them to live with it on the daily. My young niece is a genuine celiac so when I take her anywhere, I speak to the staff and I say something like ,
>”Hi, I’m in charge of looking after my niece today and she’s a genuine celiac which I’m just getting to grips with. Do you cater for gluten free diets? I just found out if she eats too much of the wrong stuff, it has consequences in her future so I’m being extra cautious and relying on professionals to help me”
I’ve found that being up front that I need them to be sure is a much easier way to get my point across that I’m the one just learning so I NEED them to be careful.
It’s a huge pain though and I feel bad that she has to eat crappy bread & cakes while we learn about the good stuff she can eat.
I take them very seriously and would do my best to accommodate them (and if I didn’t think I could cook for them safely, I’d suggest to meet at a restaurant they trust instead, and wouldn’t be offended if they wanted to bring food to heat up).
No judgement, I get that it’s not a choice (and even if it was, I’d respect that! As someone with chosen dietary requirements I’m used to people being weird about it or not being catered for, so I’ve got a lot of sympathy for people who have restrictions they didn’t have a say in)
My mum has coeliac, and I’ve seen how ill she gets from cross -contamination, I think it’s awful how many places don’t take it seriously.
I think the people who wont accomadate dietery requirements are dickheads living in the past .
I was raised to eat what was put in front of me and not complain ,which was understandable , to a degree , as it was the seventies and choices were still pretty limited .
Now that there are such a wide range of produce , products and ways to make cooking to an individuals dietary requirements and taste easy why make big deal out of catering for any individual requirements .
I can get restaurants to a degree, having to keep prep seperate can be an expense some can ill afford but people who invite friends and family over to eat who then refuse to cater for specific requirements are just being arseholes .
A childhood of being forced to eat food i hated to even have in mouth didnt toughen me up or encourage me to eat well , just the opposite in fact it left me with, up until my mid 40s , serious problems around food .
I’d pity you in the sense that I know allergies especially related to food really suck and make it difficult for the person. If I was inviting you out for dinner, I’d probably suggest you choose the venue that you know can cater to your requirements.
If anyone tries the “it won’t kill you” thing on me I find pulling out my epipen and giving them a crash course on using it generally shuts them up.
Most restaurants I’ve been to recently have been super accommodating and take allergies very seriously. They’ll go through the ingredients of everything and find me something I can eat, sometimes it means changing the dish (often Oven cook instead of deep fry to avoid cross contamination in the oil for example).
I’d much rather they were honest that they couldn’t guarantee my safety rather than try and fail if they genuinely can’t make enough changes. I suspect some of it will depend on how much is made on site and how much is prepackaged and just reheated. If there’s an actual chef they often see me as an interesting challenge rather than a problem.
I’m very conscious of my friend’s allergies and dietary requirements and I take it very seriously. I don’t think any less of someone for having them and I don’t think it’s a massive inconvenience either.
I always ask if I’m cooking and I’ll change or adapt what I’m making to suit guests if possible. I don’t even mind if it’s just a preference, for example I made a Greek feast for friends and someone mentioned they don’t like cucumber so I make alternatives to tzatziki and I kept the Greek salad components separate for people to mix themselves.
The only person I’ve not been able to cook for is my friend with celiac as I can’t guarantee my kitchen is free of gluten.
If we’re going out, I always pre-agree a restaurant and send links to menus for people to check. One of my friends is allergic to loads of things: nuts, eggs, dairy, shellfish, certain fruits. So she normally picks the place when we go out to be sure it’s safe for her. Truthfully I’m amazed OP that you were asked to leave, why wouldn’t you check with them in advance?
It’s way more annoying for the people who have them than it is for hospitality and that should be even more true for friends.
“it won’t kill you” is ridiculous as it literally can. And no normal friend will say “I don’t care if you get ill”
Allergies and genuine requirements is absolutely fine. It may make it harder to just go out and eat, but if the person with the allergies can look ahead and/or suggest a place they *can* go out to eat, it’s fine. Much easier to do that with a little notice rather than getting somewhere and then finding out you can’t eat anything.
My main issue is preferences that are sold as allergies. I’ll ask if a brownie has nuts in it because I don’t like nuts. I’ve had people then begin to tell me that only XYZ is guaranteed nut free and I’m quick to let them know that it is 100% a preference and not an allergy. But I’ve also been out for a meal where someone quizzed the waitress on whether a dish had mushrooms in it for an “allergy” (not an allergy, the person just doesn’t like mushrooms). The poor waitress had to go and ask the kitchen, check the label for the premade stuff and came back and said that mushrooms weren’t listed but she wouldn’t want to say for sure. Like that is unnecessary and the message of “allergy” has now been passed to the kitchen, they’re being extra careful for cross contamination (and I ordered mushrooms). That’s an issue for me
I’ll happily accommodate for any of my friends or family who have allergies. It’s not food but I am crazy allergic to lilies, I can’t be in a room near them without having a reaction so my friends don’t have them in the house due to that reason.
I don’t care. But at the same time I don’t think restaurants should be forced to cater for them. If a restaurant is willing to cater for them that’s great, but if they won’t, then don’t eat there or moan about it. Based on your edits, I’d say you need to take pre-prepared food with you. And if you are going on holiday you need to factor in your special needs before deciding where you are going to go to. I don’t really think it’s wise to travel through a country on holiday if your dietary needs are specific.
As soon as I turned vegan people stopped inviting me for food.