Old flame sorta deal from college. Thinking about making the jaunt from my West Coast city to his Midwestern, potentially to reconnect.
He hasn’t offered to pay for the ticket and all my friends are in my ear about the implications of that. I don’t disagree with them but I am hyper independent. I don’t see anything wrong with paying my share for things, I don’t plan on ever living with anyone, getting married, really anything beyond casually hanging out, is out of my range. So the long distance thing really works, at least for me. He’ll have his space and me, mine. Ideally we’d just meet up, back and forth, when it worked. All that to say, there’s a real heavy assurance that I’m not some whacko gold digger, I have been and will continue, to fund my life for the rest of my life.
I think part of me associates him buying the ticket as certain level of confirmation that he’s serious. He can be skitzy, like me, so I don’t think I’m ever going to be “comfortable” until I see his neck on the line frfr. Or see him ya know take some version of a risk to get me, a lil chase (I’m a cancer Venus 1st house). I don’t know if that’s fucked up though.
Lastly,
All the girlies get flown out, is it a red flag that he hasn’t shown that same energy? They say “comparison is the thief of happiness” so I don’t mean to engage in that but I can’t help the nagging feeling that this shouldn’t be my financial responsibility if he reaaalllyyy wants to see me and explore each other as the individuals we are now, so far removed from the last time we were together.
We have slept together back in the day so if the vibes are good I think we would sleep together this trip? But I won’t want to have sex if I buy the ticket. That makes it seem like I’m so thirsty, I flew across the country for dick. Absolutely not gonna fly, I can get dick at home in the city I pay rent for. I’m a dog though, so truthfully, I don’t want to sleep next to a man I’m attracted to, and NOT be able to have sex because my conscience is shrieking in the background. How do I even bring up in the next 3 days that he needs to buy the ticket? Is the whole trip shot now?
I just don’t want to look stupid or do any man
a favor.
Potential FAQs:
– talked on and off for 3 years in college
– I’m a girl
– have been communicating mostly everyday
since Oct ‘22. sporadic ass texts/phone calls from 2021 to august ‘23
– I wouldn’t mind paying for my next ticket there, since it won’t be the first first time
– I’m “suppose” to leave on Thursday. pinned down the dates end February ‘23
– I would pay/offer for his ticket to see me if it was the first first time. It’s a kind of goodwill gesture thing in my mind. HE invited me.
– last time we saw each other irl was throughout 2020
– I expect to go 50/50 on food, fun stuff, shows, etc. while we’re there. Again, I’m not trying to get a man’s money or anything out of him other than the basic companionship & good sex
TLDR: crazy for flying out on my own dime to explore an old flame?
Thank You!
3 comments
I mean it’s easy to go that route and go towards somethings familiar I don’t know that I would do the same thing but then again I think that you’re really depends on which person in my pass we are talking about so I can’t judge anyone for wanting to do that
All of these questions lead to the only possible answer … you will regret going if you pay for the ticket. IMO you should beg off and let him lead. Your decision. You should do whatever you think is best to improve and sustain your own happiness. Best wishes.
I dunno if I’m absolutely insane here, but why on earth would he pay for your plane ticket? And then with the power balance and games etc. I swear people make things more complicated than they need to. If you like the guy and want to give it a go, then fly out to see him. If you find the idea of paying for your own flight a problem you can’t get past, then don’t go. Maybe he’ll decide he wants to fly out and see you, maybe he won’t.