I was on the phone today with my girlfriend (who i’ve been with for a little over a month), and she told me that she was at work with her gay best friend and he was slapping her ass today. When i responded saying “huh?” she said “yeah he touches me all of the time but it’s okay because he is gay.”
I responded saying that it made me uncomfortable and she really didn’t understand how or why. She asked if we could just talk about it later and hung up, but am I crazy for this making me uncomfortable? I don’t really know how to feel, and she doesn’t seem like she wants to change this at all because according to her, they are best friends and that’s what their relationship is like.
Edit: She just texted me saying that she’s sorry and was being selfish, she said that my emotions were valid and she will ask her friend to show affection to her in other ways. She said that she will get better at taking my emotions into account.
WTF wasn’t expecting her response to be like that but i guess i’m good now, she’s the best. thanks everyone!
39 comments
Dating for a month…if this is actually a really big dealbreaker for you, then make it clear that it’s over if it continues.
If it’s just annoying to you, let it slide until you’ve been together long enough that your opinion on something like this will hold more weight in her mind.
You just need to state your boundaries. She’s either interested in following them or not.
She hung up on you, made excuses and hung up. It doesn’t say respect to your request. She doesn’t sound interested but you need to formally have a resolution.
Is this a boundary or a complaint? A boundary you end the relationship.
Not crazy.
Let’s take it to the extreme.
They’re in court discussing a sexual assault case.
Will the jury really give a shit if he is gay? Nope. Its an irrelevant detail.
They’re all going to see the facts. A man, slapped another woman’s ass uninvited. Sexual assault confirmed.
Anyways… The above is the absurd approach.
I would implore people who are starting out dating another person, to see the others behaviour and make decisions based on that.
If their natural behaviour is not something you’re into… then leave.
Because, letting someone live their life freely and accepting their behaviour upfront… will be a more fulfilling relationship experience. It’s more compatible that way.
People don’t want relationships where they have to overhaul their life. They want the kind where the adjustments are something like “You want more physical affection” or “You want me to call you more”. They don’t want to change them just being them.
You’re not crazy. If you don’t feel comfortable with it you don’t. But saying “all the time” could be kinda exaggerated. And it can kind of be normal for some friends to act like that.
You haven’t been with her long and I don’t know how your relationship with her is but maybe talk to her and get more context and decide from that wether or not it’s a deal breaker.
Put him in his place. The amount of “gay” men I have been around that groupe and touch women friends and say its okay! Im gay and then they go and fuck a chick a week later is really messed up. I have no issues with someone’s sexuality but jesus christ. There is a entire subsection of “gay” men that are really bi and fuck anything that they can but then claim to be gay.
Its fucked up. Dont grab my girlfriends tits. Dont go around touching anyone. Im “gay” its cool. But I do have sex with women once in a while but I mostly like men, so its cool when I sexually assault women.
Put dude in his place. And if he gets mad, upset, salty whatever, it just shows how much of a creep he really is.
He isnt grabbing your girlfriend because its simple friendly fun. He is getting something more out of it.
I worked with a guy once that claimed to be gay… He got away with a lot, until people found out he was married with 3 kids.
Yeah my lesbian best friend gives my nuts a tug and slaps my ass every now and then, it’s just cause we’re besties *tee hee*….god damn I’m glad I’m not 20 anymore.
It’s always the gay best friend. Who turns out to not be gay. Good luck
Only one way to confirm if he is gay or not. Have sex with him. If he likes it then he is totally gay. If he doesn’t enjoy it then red flags 🚩🚩🚩
This sub is full of stories of women and their “gay” best friends.
He’s not gay. Maybe bi. And she knows it, at least subconsciously.
Dude they’re fucking
Sorry but touching someone sexually is not okay just because the person is gay. (And if he isn’t just a fucking creepy guy, he is Bi and also getting some gratification out of it).
She shouldn’t be asking her friend to show affection to her in a different way, she should be telling him to not show her affection physically, or she should be cutting him out of her life completely.
And get better at taking your feelings into account? No your feelings are just as important and valid as hers, if she is not going to give them equal attention, then she is showing you that she does not respect you.
Handy hint, he is Bi and not Gay.
She shouldn’t be asking, she should be TELLING this individual.
I doubt her friend is gay. Probably bi and pretending to be gsy only. Also, his behaviour is inexcusable whether he is gay, bi, or straight. It’s inappropriate to touch someone’s gf in this way and even worse if it’s at work. This could be a sexual harassment case for the business.
That’s not really something that gay friends do and I’m saying this as someone who’s bisexual with plenty of LGBTQ+ friends. Like that’s something we did when we were 17-18 not when you’re in your adult years.
Edit: typo
You need to check that, dude. Don’t just stand there and watch. He’s disrespecting you and your girlfriend.
Test his “gayness” by asking him for a bj..🤷♂️ I’m kidding. I would feel the same way. If you are uncomfortable with it, you need to tell her ASAP. Closed mouths don’t get fed bro.
You touch him. Show dominance.
Besides the guy being X or Y, not here to judge him… but on your report with your girlfriend.
She seems to be a decent person, and had a mature (and sweet) follow-up.
People most of the time have two reactions: Immediate one, and another one after they sleep on it.
Your feelings are valid, and she understood that. 🙂
In my experience, I’ve found that the “gay best friend” that can’t keep them hands to themselves doesn’t respect women or their bodies just like 90% of straight dudes. It’s not sexuality specific.
He’s doing it deliberately, it’s a power move and he knows you hate it.
Either he respects you and your girlfriend’s wishes to stop groping her – or it might be time to throw hands.
Glad it worked out, sounds like you have a real keeper of a lady there.
Read your update – seems like you have a good girlfriend there
“Beware of Greeks bearing gifts.”
Even if he is gay, it isn’t okay for him to grope people.
They’re only gay until the PIV starts.
Sexuality is a spectrum. I’ve dealt with men that were supposedly gay but fixated on “jokingly” touching me or my friends in a sexual way or staying in the room when we got changed. A lot of guys are afraid of the bi label when it definitely applies to them.
You better run!
Great update, although I was caught off guard by the “WTF” reaction. Welcome to what a healthy relationship looks like. This is what *should* be the default expected reaction.
Saw your edit. Good chance since she didn’t care that he touched her in the first place, that she just won’t tell you next time it happens. She enjoys it. She likes the attention.
Even if he is gay, that’s not a free pass to disrespect your relationship.
I worked with a gay guy who would sexually harrass me and it took forever to take proper action because my boss also kept saying ‘what are you worried about , he’ s gay’.
Sexual attraction isn’t a free pass to stomp boundaries.
not to put doubts or fears in your head, for sure have an open and honest conversation with her FIRST before jumping to any conclusions.
but my boyfriend used to work with this dude who said and acted like he was gay and would do the same thing to all the female co-workers. touch their asses, grab their titties, etc. one day my boyfriend tries to set him up with another gay dude and homie goes “oh i’m not gay, i just like getting away with touching ladies”. he was thoroughly grossed out by the dude and started calling him out every day, out loud in front of everyone about it.
so like i said, talk to your lady. but be aware dudes like this exist.
Story time.
I know this sounds like some made-up bullshit but I swear it happened. The takeaway of it is that not everyone is as 100% straight or gay as they may say they are, and some people will take advantage of the perception that their behavior is harmless.
So anyway I used to work at a restaurant, a few actually, but this one in particular had a kind of a shitshow party atmosphere like in the movie “Waiting..”. Pretty much all the waitstaff was drinking at someone’s house together the one time, and a flamboyantly gay waiter was flirting with a lot of the cuter girls “as a joke”.
One of them got dared to make out with him “as a joke” which he happily accepted. He was cute, it was harmless, all in fun right? So another girl has her turn. And another. Everyone’s laughing, oh look the cute gay boy is making out with girls at the party! I’m sitting there questioning reality.. like are these people for real and can they be this naive? Dude was *very* clearly enjoying himself.
And not one of these drunken morons thought for a second… bisexuals exist. And straight men aren’t the only ones who can be deceptive and creepy. He got called out eventually, and admitted he liked it. Than, and only then, did these girls’ boyfriends get upset about them making out with another guy.
I’m not saying that’s definitely what your girlfriend’s friend is up to. But I am saying that people who aren’t attracted to each other don’t usually touch each other in sexual ways “as a joke”. Where there’s smoke there’s fire.
I had a gay BFF like this , he used to be playful with us slapping butts etc, turns out he was not gay …
Got here after the edit, love a happy ending
Yeah my bf has a lesbian friend who will stick her hands down his pants & grope his ass. Weird Af & very inappropriate
He’s not actually gay. She knows this.
“Gay”