I (F) am a recovering people pleaser who tries to practice engaging more with others for the sake improving my social skills & creating connections. All connections I’ve had, good & bad, have ultimately been good for me bc I’m always learning something new.
Some people I meet I end up connecting with on social media, or by exchanging numbers. But in the past, I’ve exchanged numbers with some people I had a nice or interesting conversation with, but who I didn’t really want to have my number-all bc I didn’t know how to decline without sounding rude..
It hasn’t happened lately, but I recently found this subreddit, & had an encounter yesterday that I feel could’ve gone towards that direction, but thankfully didn’t..
What would the appropriate/polite way of turning someone down be?
25 comments
“No, thanks.”
It really is that simple
“No thanks, i prefer not to” … but whats a people pleaser?
I ask if they have social and connect there instead. It’s a little more removed and I’ve never had anyone push for the number after that.
I’ve been there before and also a people pleaser. I just say something like “sorry I don’t give out my number to people I don’t know that well.” Honestly if someone is pissed off by that then that just confirms that you don’t want them to have your number because a normal person would totally understand that. Sometimes I offer a social media if number is too personal but I still want to stay connected.
I usually say that im not much of a texter and then swiftly change the topic or leave the area if i can
Google Voice, or similar, number…
Then tell them text is preferred over voice calls.
Or crush them with “I only exchange numbers with interesting people.”
You can scream no then start slapping yourself across the face while running away (visibly shaken, of course).
I usually go the “how about we like eachother on Facebook” or some other social app you are more annonimous on. I have find that messenger apps are the perfect excuse to not give phone numbers. Otherwise I will say something like. I am sorry i am not really a texter/caller i rather just talk in person. But that works best when you know you will see people again like when they are in the same school work or social space as you regularly.
Reject any way you want and then say, “but thank you for the interest!” I say this when I genuinely appreciate that someone is interested to spend more time with me but I don’t want to.
“No, thanks.” Is a very good answer, as few already commented.
If someone will be insulted because of it, it’s their fault that they don’t respect boundaries.
I’m also a fellow people pleaser, and I have found explaining how I feel about the situation helps. You could say, I don’t feel comfortable sharing my # at the moment, I hope you can understand. Or something a long those lines. I hope this helps 🙂
‘No, thanks’ is perfectly reasonable. But If you feel the need to, you could expand and just say ‘No, thanks. I don’t give out my contact information to people I’ve just met’. This leaves it open, so if down the road you’ve come across them a few times and would like to exchange numbers, it isn’t on the back of a full closure.
An aside though, it might be worth while considering what your intentions are, and what others intentions might be in the context of these conversations. I rarely get propositioned at the library, but can bank on it at the bar. It might be worth while to break from conversations with new people who might be interested in places where it’s almost expected things could/would develop further. With saying this, their expectations are obviously not your responsibility at the end of the day.
Just say ,I don’t do that.
I’ve resorted to just making [the face.](https://youtu.be/g276K-eSDYk)
“Oh, let me give you my Facebook info! It’s the best way to get ahold of me”
As a man who’s received this message, I would say that the best response I’ve ever gotten is “:thank you, I’m flattered, but I’m currently seeing someone.”
Give them your username on the social media account you check the least. haha
Tell them your screen name on whatever site and say something let’s start there and see how it goes. That way you won’t have to deal with some crazy chick having your number. Screen name, email… all the same. Keep the safety net up for a while.
I just say “sorry. I’m not comfortable giving you my number at this time”. No other explanation needed. If they push or ask more explanation then it confirms you made the right move not giving it to them and walk away.
If you use social media and don’t mind exchanges there you can offer that as an alternative. I don’t though so my contacts stay slim.
“I appreciate the gesture but I don’t think we want the same thing from each other” or “I appreciate the gesture but I’m not comfortable with that option” either works fine for declining dates and number exchanges.
Tell people you only have a work phone so it’s better to connect on social instead. Then don’t add them.
I usually give the pizza hut number in my old home town.
A man’s perspective, here.
I’ve been turned down by many women over the years–especially when I was in my clueless early 20s and wasn’t very good at reading signals–and in general the answer is something along the lines of “no thanks,” which I’ve always found perfectly fine and not at all rude–because it *isn’t* rude. Other women have said, as many have recommended here, that they don’t give their numbers to people they’ve just met, and one or two offered to take my number instead (which, to any guy with an atom of common sense, is a very clear but also extremely gentle “no;” however, since there are guys out there lacking even an atom of common sense, I wouldn’t recommend it).
OP, however you want to do it, just don’t feel the need to *please* anybody. You owe other people basic politeness, and really nothing else (and if they’re impolite with you, then congratulations: you owe them nothing at all). Contrary to what many people think, the ***vast*** majority of men will accept your rejection without any kind of outburst–and if the guys you know don’t sound like this, then you need to find a new crowd to hang out with.
Good luck out there!
I’ll tell them I’m not really a phone person, but you can find me on fb
Phone numbers are last resort, use another type of messaging app to vet them, and tbh with most apps like telegram you don’t ever have to give out your number since all call/video features are available there as well. If they insist on getting your phone number specifically block them.