I’ve been seeing all over TikTok about women and men who had a relationship end, but the ex ends up reaching out to them again later on. Even in the comments people are agreeing this is always the case. I didn’t even know this was a thing.
From a females perspective, I’ve been dating for a while and I’ve never had someone reach out again after. Despite always ending on good terms. Sometimes I initiated ending things, sometimes they initiated it. I’ve also never felt like reaching out to an ex after things ended. The end is the end, ya know?
Is this some TikTok bs or is this an actually thing that happens?? Just curious to see what others think!
33 comments
In my experience, people reach out again if the closure during the breakup was lacking. Like did they state they wanted to try again later? Did they try to suggest a break rather than a breakup? Did they just suddenly disappear out of your life with little to no communication? In all those cases, expect them to try and reach out again.
However, if you both agreed that you weren’t compatible, sat down to talk about it and mutually came to the same conclusion? I’ve never had someone reach out again in that scenario.
There’s no yes or no answer to this. Sometimes exes come back. Sometimes they don’t.
What we don’t want to do is take what we see on Tiktok of all places as gospel.
I like people. They usually reach out again.
How could that even possibly “always” be the case? It’s just “confirmation bias meets circlejerk”.
Yeah maybe it happens sometimes, who knows, would you even believe someone who told you it happens a lot? How would they know? Is there a state consensus on this?
its always the crappy ones that come back.
Tiktok is the worst medium to get dating advice from. It only shows extremes.
I have an ex who reaches out like clockwork once every 6 to 9 months or so. Haven’t seen him since 2018.
The emotionally healthy ones do not reach out I find. Those who ghosted, or breadcrumbed always come back for more when their options run out.
Never ever respond is my motto, don’t even put that ball in their court.
Yeah….The no good ones do sometimes.
Even though you didn’t mention this specifically, don’t let your worth be based on if exes reach back out or not. Even if none of them do, doesn’t mean anything about you. It’s just how the cards fall
I wouldn’t want my ex to try to come back.
I was crushed when she left. Nearly destroyed me.
May never fully recover from it.
If she came back I’d probably have ptsd…
Besides.. you spend all this time after a heartbreak building yourself back up and repairing the damages your exes left behind, alot of the times you wind up a much better person from this if you take the time to heal and grow correctly.
Would you really want to take someone back who walked away from you at your weakest?
I feel like most of them come back right as you’re getting over them.
Don’t count on it.
Depends on how/why it ended. I have exes so toxic, you need a hazmat suit. They can stay away.
But I can think of at least 3 people I’ve ended up re-dating after a couple years apart.
Sure. But remember, if they do come back, you are and will be the 2nd option.
Girl, I have the same experience as you and agree with the other user who said “its always the crappy ones that come back.”
Every. Last. One. It’s my dating curse. 100 percent don’t recommend answering the phone.
It’s false hope. If they do come back it’s never the same, as good or as long. Maybe 1 and a million but I wouldn’t bank on it.
When they come back, usually you are just the backup option because the person/people they were pursuing didn’t want them.
idk if it’s a universal law. In my experience, most of my exes, crushes, etc came back around. even my elementary school crush and middle school “bully” came sniffing around when I was in college. MOST often they came back and more than half confessed they had feelings way back when. now if only my mom could come back around and confess that she always secretly loved me…… wouldn’t that be nice
They always do. Thats when you dont answer. Theyre an ex for a reason
If they realize what they lost and truly love you, yes.
I (33m) was dating this girl (25f) and I got a call from her ex asking if it’s true that we broke up because she called him saying she wants to try again and he doesn’t want to mess around with another guys girl.. she hadn’t broken up with me and then got upset with me because I called her and asked her but she had called him. Broke my heart into a million pieces! Goes from laughing and sleeping with me one day to her ex breaking up with me the next! Last time I’ll ever date someone with a child..
She was so worried that I have my life together that it ended up she didn’t have hers together!
Some do and some don’t.
There’s not a one-size-fits-all answer because not all situations are the same.
I had one reach out to me last week after almost 2 years of no contact. He had just broken up with his gf and needed a place to stay.
What a fuckin 🤡
Yes, sometimes but not always with good intentions. I’ve had ex’s “come back” simply because they wanted sex and that was all.
My ex fucked my life up and impaired my ability to trust…
… still I secretly hope she will eventually come back to me, even though I’ve been doing my best to move on. Welp, I at least hope she will have managed her BPD and drinking problems if she ever wants to reach out.
Some do and some don’t. One thing is for sure, TikTok is trash and you should not be taking advice from there.
I’m my experience, they come back just when you no longer need or want them to and not a moment before.
When I was in my 20s I used to sleep with my exes when I was single. It wasn’t the best idea! Well, sometimes it was fine; but only if there were genuinely no feelings left except a general sense of affection. It’s best to cut contact and move on. You broke up for a reason. You can be friends with some exes; but you probably need 6-8 months of no contact first to completely get over each other.
In Korea there’s a term called *jeong* (정) which describes “the deep connection and emotional bond that builds over time and through shared experiences with other people, places, or things.” *Gounjeong* (고운정) is the emotional attachment and empathy that originates from a positive experience with people and it still exists when those people leave your life. *Miunjeong* (미운정) stems from a negative feeling or experience with people over time. *Miunjeong* is a more complex concept in that it is a pleasant emotion, a closeness that derives from unpleasant or negative experiences. Even when you walk away from people forever, the various kinds of *jeong* persist.
I think that’s a good description for some of the lingering feelings and the sense of connection you can feel with an ex.
But that doesn’t mean you need to contact them…
Obviously this varies between people, relationships, and breakups. The times an ex came back into my life (or I was the ex that came back into someone else’s life), it was generally for one of three reasons: the breakup lacked closure or there was a sense of ‘unfinished business’ (either on one or both sides), enough time had passed that we wanted to be friends, or one party had done some self reflection and wanted to apologise.
In my experience, only the first one ever led to a romantic reconciliation, and only on the single occasion that the feeling was mutual.
So yes, sometimes exes come back, and sometimes with the intent of getting back together. But if that ever happens, you have to do some deep thought about why the initial breakup occurred, and whether the exact same thing is going to happen again.
Its literally the toxic exes who come back into your life to see if they still have access to you. I feel like they come back when you finally make peace about the situation and you healed and moved on from them. I simply think it’s sign from God or whatever higher power you believe in. The universe will keep showing you the same lesson over and over again until you learned from it!
If you end on good terms, then probably not. But the toxic ones always want to see if the door is still unlocked.