I’m a 27M, I recently lost a 150 pounds. I have been on a path to improve myself. Self-care is really important to me. Going to the gym, eating right, therapy those sort of things. I started dating this girl 28F. She is on the heavier side which doesn’t bother me at all. My thing is she has no interest in sharing my interest with me. I’m just scared all this progress I’ve made will be halted and come to a stop. I’m an asshole if I would want to break up?
9 comments
You cant force her to be interested in what you are interested in, but you can choose if you prefer a partner that shares your goals and interests. Theres nothing wrong with wanting someone to be on the journey with you, but its about how you are going to approach breaking up with her.
Your interests wont stop unless you stop caring, but if you feel like you want a partner who shares your goals and wants to reach similar goals with you, then thats also fine.
Before you break up with her though, just ensure that there isnt some sort of middle ground, you cant make her share your interests, but maybe there are other important interests she has thats shes aspiring too. So even if your aspirations are different, it can still work as long as you support each other in them?
Basically what im saying is that maybe you can meet each other halfway.
You cant force her to be interested in what you are interested in, but you can choose if you prefer a partner that shares your goals and interests. Theres nothing wrong with wanting someone to be on the journey with you, but its about how you are going to approach breaking up with her.
Your interests wont stop unless you stop caring, but if you feel like you want a partner who shares your goals and wants to reach similar goals with you, then thats also fine.
Before you break up with her though, just ensure that there isnt some sort of middle ground, you cant make her share your interests, but maybe there are other important interests she has thats shes aspiring too. So even if your aspirations are different, it can still work as long as you support each other in them?
Basically what im saying is that maybe you can meet each other halfway.
But just because your into selfcare and she isnt, doesnt mean you can do “better” than her, its more that you can find someone who aligns better with you 🙂
Seems fair to me, I’m currently dealing with this exact issue except she catfished me on this one. She seems cool but her pictures were about 5 years and 100 lbs ago. She expresses interest in going to the gym with me but I have my doubts based on her busy schedule.
Not enough info.
It’s perfectly fine, and healthy, for couples to have different hobbies/interests/passions—you don’t need to date a clone of you and it’s actually good to pursue some things separately.
What’s not okay is if she doesn’t support you on your health journey—if she puts you down for it, tries to derail your efforts, or in any other way is a negative influence on you with her words or actions, then that’s obviously toxic.
I have no idea what you mean by “do better”—-if you’re thinking there is some perfect person out there, let me end the suspense for you—there is not. Everyone is going to have good and bad traits. If you meant something else like can you pull someone hotter now that you’re in better shape, then that’s something you need to look at in terms of who you want to be as a person. Humans have a tendency to go up and down in weight, to be inconsistent about exercise and habits due to life constantly changing—you need to look at the big picture because no matter who you date they won’t be the identical person one year, five years, ten years down the road and you won’t be the same then either. “Better” is a dangerous way to look at things because it can leave you always thinking the grass is greener somewhere else and that’s not how life works, it’s just a formula for never being happy or living in the moment. Your life is happening now.
Your lifestyles are incompatible
What interests? Do you mean lifestyle? Will you reciprocate being interested in your partner’s interests too? Sometimes it’s not 100% alignment. You can have completely different interests, but connect other ways.
If you’re referring to lifestyle, i.e. you’re active, outdoors, wants a gym buddy, but she’s a homebody and enjoys cuddling on the couch instead of a concert—figure out your wants and dealbreakers.
You are the one that chose her. If you changed your mind then you need to own it
Nah bro. You put in the work to improve yourself. It’s okay if you feel you want someone who also lives that life style. But the question is does her lifestyle directly oppose yours? If it’s yes then you need to determine if you have the will to continue with your self improvement. More importantly does she actively try to keep you from your self improvement journey? Because if it’s no then the relationship is worth a shot especially if you feel capable of keeping yourself in line with your goals.
You need literally 0 reason to break up. It’s your life be with who you want.